Broken Glass

Who: Evelyn and Jesse
When: Late afternoon
Where: Jesse's apartment

Evelyn felt just as sick as she had professed to be the day earlier. Although in this case it was her guilt eating at her rather than any bug, and she knew it. But none of that made it any easier as she trod slowly up the stairs leading to Jesse's floor. Not at all. Not when she remembered that, before all this, 'unreliable' and her would have never been used in the same sentence. If she said she was going to do something or be somewhere, she was there and she was early. It had just been Her Thing... until now.

She didn't know why she was here -- actually, she did, but she didn't know exactly what she was planning to do here. She wanted to apologize, but a true apology would require the truth. And she wanted to tell the truth, and explain how it all started with a silly little lie that turned out to be all this trouble and she would take it back if she could and... but she had already spouted so many lies for what felt like so long that Evelyn just felt trapped into continuing it when a truth-telling moment arrived. But she was pretty sure bailing out on Jessie had been the shittiest move she'd ever pulled, and even if she couldn't come out with the truth that couldn't stop her from heading here after working brunch. Here. In front of Jesse's door. Right. Taking a breath, and telling herself that she was going to do this... whatever 'this' was... Evelyn knocked on the door.

Jesse was in, listening to the radio as he made an attempt to clean up the apartment. It wasn't that trashed or anything, it just could use a little cleaning, and he didn't want his daughter to start in on it before he had a chance. And he knew she would. When there was a knock on the door, he frowned lightly, before heading over to answer it. When he opened it, and saw his sister, his mood dropped down pretty far, and his expression articulated that pretty well. He didn't shut the door in her face or anything, but he didn't exactly invite her in either. Mostly, he shook his head and walked back into the apartment, not saying a word but not shutting the door.

If coming here was supposed to make things easier, well, it was failing horribly. Evelyn felt the sickening stone in her stomach sink further, and right now her guilt seemed almost palpable to her... hanging in the air, pressing down on her chest... it felt difficult to breathe, but she bit that back and managed it. She stood outside the door in awkwardly, waiting for Jesse to say anything that might lessen the sting his expression caused. But he just walked away, leaving her to stand awkwardly outside the door. Breathing became difficult again; but she deserved this. Hell, knowing that she had been letting him and her family down long before this Saturday? She deserved more than this.

But that knowledge didn't make it any easier, or stop her from wishing that Jesse had... y'know, appeared less disappointed than he did. After a moment, knowing she wasn't going to get a verbal invitation, Evelyn stepped into the apartment. Internally she felt like she was walking into the lion's den, so she didn't step in too far. Just enough to turn around and close the door behind her, giving her some time between now and the Inevitable... whatever that was. But even she couldn't drag the act of closing the door to forever, so once that was done she turned back to Jesse, still standing by the door, and softly let out a "Hey."

Jesse went back to putting dishes away, though the clink of the glass was harder than it had been a moment ago. "You broke Jessie's heart you know." he told her. "She was waiting all day. I went by to check that you hadn't just forgotten, and oddly, for a girl who was 'sick' you sure as hell weren't in." he told her. "I didn't tell Baby J that though, you're in the clear for that. It was bad enough you ditched her, I didn't want her knowing you lied too."

Oh, shit. Her heart dropped. She didn't know he had dropped in. And, although a part of her had wanted to be relieved the burden of lying further, having it actually happened just sucked. Seeing him disappointed sucked. Knowing she hurt Jessie was... awful. Evelyn flinched at another sharp clink!, not sure what to say. She wanted to salvage it, she wanted to say that she had a friend take care of her; a whole new alibi was forming in her head as he went about the dishes. And that was even more awful. She managed to bite back the lie, but she didn't feel it was to her credit: her moment of silence had already confirmed the guilt and spouting the lie out now... with how shaky she felt and how observant Jesse was... she wouldn't get away with it.

She shifted her weight, but didn't move from where she stood. ...She didn't know what to say. She owed him an explanation, but opening her mouth to give him the truth was just too hard to do right now. And any sorry, no matter how much she knew she felt it, would just be hollow without an explanation. So she was quiet for another moment, until the silence puncuated by the clinking glass became too much to bear. Letting out a shaky breath, Evelyn opened her mouth "I..." her voice failed her for a moment as she realized that opening her mouth didn't mean she knew what to say. So back to the hollow "I'm sorry" it was.

Jesse sighed heavily, leaning his hands on the edge of the sink, half looking over at her, but he didn't quite lay his gaze on her, like he didn't even especially want to be seeing her at the moment, and that was close to the truth. "You know, it's hard enough knowing that you've been pretty much ditching the family for whatever shiny life you've got cooked up over on the other side of the city, whatever it is that you're doing since you don't actually talk to any of us anymore to let us know, but you hurt my baby girl. She's got enough problems in her life without being disappointed by someone she looks up to and loves with all her heart." he told Evie, shaking his head. He went to put a glass into the cupboard, but it slipped from his grasp and shattered into the sink basin. Swearing softly beneath his breath, he started picking the glass out and setting it in a bowl on the counter.

Evelyn bit on her tongue, refusing to cry. His words hurt, but she wouldn't cry in front of him -- not that he would've seen it if she had. So internally she focused on the defensive, because Jesse just didn't get it. She wasn't proud of the desperation she had felt to get out of her neighborhood -- not when she really had it so much better than others. But it was there. It had always been there. And she had worked so damn hard towards something better. She had put her all into achieving her dreams, once thinking that was all it took to achieve anything, and it had failed. And it had hurt her. Really, really hurt her. Maybe Jesse could shrug away life's disappointments with ease but she... couldn't. And trying again and making the move to that job at the lawyers had also failed. And when she had finally gotten a promising assessment out of Sullivan when he asked her to work the ball and saw an opening to make the disappointing turn of events work...

He just. didn't. get it. ...Not that any of that 'It' she had been able to admit to. And opening her mouth to try to explain herself, that her life wasn't getting on nearly as 'shiny' as he thought, ... she couldn't push the words out. So when the glass broke, grasping on to something to do that wasn't standing by the door feeling the weight of his words, Evelyn walked over to help pick it up. She didn't talk during the task, focusing her attention on the basin as she searched for the pieces. "It's not..." she finally started. Shiny? Easy? Going so well? "I didn't mean to hurt her -- I didn't mean to hurt anybody," she finished lamely, not taking her eyes off the floor.

"I'm sure you didn't set out to do it, Evelyn, but you did. And lately, I just--you know I never would have thought that you'd do anything like that before. But the past year or so...what the hell is even happening to you? You're just different. And you've shut down entirely, like I know for a fact that our sisters and parents don't have any better idea of what's up with you than I do. I could at least understand if you wanted less to do with me, but they didn't do anything to deserve the cold shoulder shutdown from you. And my daughter's done nothing either. Leave the glass, I'll get it." he told her, still vastly unhappy, on a number of levels. It wasn't even just what had happened to Jessie. It was whatever was happening to Evelyn that no one seemed to know about, and she seemed too tight lipped to share. He didn't know when that had happened, it wasn't how the family worked. They may not have been the richest people in the world, but they'd had a damn strong family.

'Evelyn', not 'Evie'... "So I'm not allowed to not show up this once, or miss a holiday, or just not want to talk about something?" Evelyn shot back, glaring up at him. She knew it was a cheap shot, but she was feeling pretty defensive and them touching onto her issues was a place she did not want to go. And, really? Why the hell was Jesse given a free pass to be a screw-up? Hell, she wasn't doing something that'd get her killed or arrested! And she didn't leave the glass alone, but instead brought her eyes back down to continue picking it up with even more gusto, "And I'm just working, Jesse. ...I'm not doing anything that'll get myself shot."

"It's not you not wanting to talk about 'something', it's everything. And that's if you're around at all, which you haven't been. Don't turn this shit around on me, Evelyn, it's not about me. I wasn't the one who promised my niece something then fucked off to who knows where. Which whatever, if you were working, why the fuck did you give the excuse that you were sick? That doesn't make any sense. And it just screams of something stupid going on, and apparently you're just lying to lie now, since I can't really come up with any reason why you'd play it like that, and why in the first place when you wouldn't have to and--" he stopped, because he was going in circles. "Whatever. I made your excuses to Jessie. If you can find timeout of your busy schedule to actually give a damn and do it, you can make it up to her on your own time. She's at the parent's house if you wanted to see her." he said. Because pissed as he was at his sister, he refused to even contemplate putting a wedge in between Evie and Jessie. That was just not happening if he had any say in it.

I didn't want to tell her I chose work over her because I didn't want to hurt her. It was a crappy reason, and she damn well knew it, but it was the truth. Part of it had been lying was easier than explaining the real situation -- especially as to why she'd be so needed at a lawyer's office on a Saturday, where her family thought she still worked. But a big part of it had also been to spare Jessie's feelings. She didn't immediately answer about going to their parents' house. She had been planning on stopping by after Jesse's, but now she knew she'd have to go somewhere to calm her nerves before doing so.

She stopped collecting glass, remaining still for a moment before straightening up and dropping the broken pieces in the bowl. "... do the rest know?" She asked the question softly, unable to look him in the eye as she asked it, keeping her eyes on her hands as she carefully brushed off the glass bits stuck to her palm. She wanted to see Jessie, but walking into her house and repeating this conversation with the rest of the family... she didn't know if she could handle any more of it today.

"No." Jesse said quietly. "I'm pretty sure everyone'd be feeling as shitty as I do over it, so I just...didn't say." he admitted. "So you're in the clear there too." And she probably wouldn't even consider being grateful for that. That she was fucking up with her family and he was covering for her, in his own way. But he also didn't say anything to that effect. He just took up the bowl, and put the glass shards into the trash can, mostly to give him a reason to walk farther away from Evie at the moment.

Evelyn felt relieved at that at least, but it would have been in poor taste to show it. She watched his back as he moved over to the trash can and murmured soft, uncomfortable "Thank you"; she wasn't unaware of the fact that Jesse probably hated lying to their family even more than she did. He could've told their parents and sisters the truth, but he hadn't. And he didn't have to do that. But saying 'Thank you' had still felt awkward, because this really wasn't a situation for Thank Yous, was it? Thanks Yous were for the thoughtful presents and other such pleasant things... what she should've done was apologize again for the trouble, and spill out the truth, and let him know that she'd head over to their parents and confess everything... but she knew she wasn't going to do that, even if a good part of her was urging her to. So it was just a 'thank you'.

He heard her, but didn't respond. It wasn't a time for a thank you. It wasn't a time for much of anything but apologies, which actually, now that he was thinking about it, she hadn't actually said. She'd given excuses and all, and lashed out at him, but an actual apology? No. Which brought him to looking back at her, a dark, disappointed expression on his features. "Evelyn, do you even realize that you haven't actually even fucking apologized?" he asked.

She gave a small but heavy sigh, "I did say 'I'm Sorry', Jess." But Evelyn knew that didn't really count as an apology. Her parents, her whole family actually, had raised her better than that. A true apology would contain at least some of the explanation he was owed; but she couldn't see a way to do that without getting into deeper issues, and into her past experience, both things she didn't want to admit to. Vulnerability and weakness had always been a difficult thing for her to share or reveal in front of others -- and, ironically, she had an even harder time showing it to those who loved her most. Maybe it was because she was the youngest, and had always been fixated on proving she was capable, and strong, and not a 'baby' (of the phrase 'baby of the family' she had never been a fan). Or maybe it was just kink she was born with, but admitting her vulnerability was hard for her. Sometimes she had managed it in the past. But over the last year or so? It had become impossible. So, yeah... she was counting her "I'm sorry" as an apology to side-step giving an explanation.

"When? I heard a whole lot of unfinished statements and excuses and 'I didn't mean it' but that isn't actually an apology." he told her. "Funnily enough, 'I' and trailing off without finishing that doesn't count." he told her. "You know what? Nevermind. Just...go. I've got shit to do." he told her. He went to grab up his coat, because he was very much feeling like he needed to be out of the house. So he could get some fresh air, maybe cool off. He didn't know what to do about the situation at all, and didn't figure an answer was going to be magically forthcoming, either.

And he was right on that count. 'Magically forthcoming' wasn't going to happen. Evelyn harbored no ill will in her secrecy, and hurting Jesse was hurting her, but her mouth wouldn't open up to tell him the truth even if she tried. And, at that moment, she had stopped trying to get the words out, settling for silence as she made her way back to the door. She focused on not looking as shitty as she felt at the moment, not managing to look nonchalant but managing not to break down. She stopped at the door, hand on the knob, and glanced back at him getting his coat. But it was only when she looked back to the door and began twisting the knob that she could break the silence with a "Bye, Jess" before stepping out the door.