Dear Goddess

You always hated it that I could see through you. Maybe that's changed now, or maybe you're used to it. There were always things about you I understood better than you did. But I know there are still others that I couldn't grasp even if I should have been able to.

You aren't intruding. At least, I don't feel like you are. Even if this is hard to deal with, I'd rather do so than not. I know we agreed to be done with one another, but I wasn't ever happy with that. You aren't either. But you already reiterated before that things won't change. I know they won't. I know why they won't. I understand, like you said. I still don't like it, though.

You said you won't comment on what I'm doing. Though honestly I would like to know your opinion. It's probably odd to say, but I miss that more than I thought I would. Having someone to weigh in on things. I hadn't had that prior to you, and now I'm back with no one in that capacity again. Sometimes it really feels like I require that alternative take. A different set of eyes on something.

I never thought I'd wind up here. But you did get your wish. I have a life that is not focused around you. I'm not commenting on what I am or am not worth. Our opinions would differ. I'm not arguing with you in a letter. If you want to argue with me, it had better be properly, with a drink involved and a location where we can shout at one another without being disturbed. We were always pretty good at that.

Don't thank me for the lunches. I just wanted to ensure you were eating properly now and then. Yes, I'm aware it's slightly cheating on my part. But it's hands off meddling.

You're not lost in the fog. I've been writing things down sometimes, lists of things I remember. I think it helps.

I want to sign this off with something inappropriate, but I won't. No need to salt the wounds for either of us.

Making someone else's life a living hell because they're annoying and you don't like them makes me wonder who the self-absorbed one here really is. As for making someone dear to you cry--that you can take action about. There's no real excuse for it, if it's deliberate. If it isn't, then say something. Quit biting your tongue on that.

Also, if you're looking for 'creative' solutions, you probably don't really want to deal with the problem either. From what you just said, you sit back and take it, and are stopping yourself through ridiculous excuses like not wanting to be mundane. Cut to the heart of the problem. If he's making someone upset, make sure he doesn't have access to them anymore. Cut the line, even if it means a little more going-between from you. If he's going above your head, put in the effort to get there first, before he can, or, and this is my personal favorite, set a trap for next time he does. And by 'trap' I mean misinformation. People don't listen to an unreliable source. For the orders he's not in a position to give, remind him of that fact. Either by outright defiance, or go tell 'teacher' as it were. Sure, it might be a tattle tale's move, but there's a reason kids do it. It's because someone winds up in trouble, and it isn't you doling it out. You'd be sitting back watching the show. If you do all of that, it should put him in considerable amounts of strife and discomfort. Maybe he'll back the fuck off. But when it's all said and done, make sure he knows why. Then he'll be less inclined to do it again. Punishment without context doesn't work. People always need to know the source of their circumstances.