on the home front

Who: Janey and Danny
Where: Their apartment
When: Mid-afternoon

Janey sat in the bedroom, sorting through the basket of clean laundry at her feet. She hunched slightly over, trying to ignore the ache in the pit of her abdomen: a sign of her body’s betrayal. Despite all that had happened in the past, she couldn’t help but cling to a little bit of hope that maybe someday she would have a child. So each time her monthly visitor arrived, she was left with the sting of disappointment.

But thinking about it now, as she folded Danny’s undershirts, she realized she couldn’t remember the last time they’d actually had sex. Lately it seemed she’d been lucky to even have him sleeping beside her. Some nights he came home from work exhausted and collapsed, and other nights he didn’t even make it home until the early hours of the morning. Janey hadn’t been sleeping well for a few months, but her insomnia was worse when she was alone, so when Danny was there all she wanted to do was curl up beside him and sleep anyways. She definitely wasn’t in the mood for anything else.

We’ve both been keeping a little distance for our own reasons, she told herself, knowing even as she thought it that it wasn’t quite the truth. She missed him, but he didn’t seem to miss her. When they rarely did have a chance to spend time together, he’d seemed quiet, almost withdrawn, but each time she thought to bring it up she bit her tongue and scolded herself inwardly for being so clingy. He had a lot on his mind lately. Thinking of that, Janey realized with a jolt that the ball was tonight. And she obviously had to be there. She hated social outings, but knew they were part of the job description, being that Danny had fairly good status in the police department. What the hell am I going to wear? she thought. Setting the laundry aside, she walked over to the closet to see what she could dig out.

Danny blamed Jackson for feeling guilty. If it wasn't for that damn punk, Danny would be able to mourn Stella's death in a few dozen glasses of beer in a dark pub. Instead no, he'd spent the morning on his day off, out in the rain, and in a store, buying something special for Janey. Pushing open the door to their apartment, which smelled strongly of laundry, Danny shook the rain off his head and the boxes tucked under his arm. He wasn't looking forward to tonight, but maybe he could try and make sure she was. "Janey?" he called, heading back towards their room, boxes still in hand. "You home baby?"

Janey had just pulled the closet door open when she heard Danny's voice. She was surprised, but pleased, for him to be making an appearance at home on his day off. "In here," she said, pulling the closet door shut. She could worry about that later, she decided. She knew she had an old gown in the back of the closet, somewhere. She straightened her skirt and took a quick look in the mirror--the lack of sleep and the dismal mood she was in weren't too painfully obvious on her features.

He couldn't help but lean in the doorway and watch her when he found his way into the room. Their life had turned out to be nothing like he'd hoped when they got married all those years ago, but he did still love her, despite it all. "Hey there," he told her, giving her a rare smile. Despite having to go shopping this morning, be racked with uncomfortable guilt and this stupid social function tonight, Danny was still in a good mood from the raid yesterday. Maybe it was just nice to have a few in the win column. "Brought you a present," he told her holding up the boxes some.

When she turned to face Danny, the smile on his face seemed to lift a weight off her heart. Maybe all of her worry and prayers had been doing something. His hair was damp with the rain and he looked worn out, but he looked...happy. Moreso, pleased with himself. She wondered what had happened at work. She was distracted, however, by boxes he was holding. He wasn't the type of husband who showered her with gifts, and even little surprises were a rarity. The fact that he had brought her something actually worried her a little, and made her feel...well, unworthy. "Oh..."she said uncertainly, her thoughts whirring. "Why's that?" She stepped close to him and put her arms around his neck in an embrace, planting a kiss on his lips.

Danny kissed her back, letting the kiss take its time before he answered. "Thought you could use something for tonight," he explained, voice soft against her lips. Pulling away he moved around her, setting the two boxes on the bed. One had his dress uniform, freshly cleaned, he'd be wearing tonight, the other had a the gown he bought her. "Go on, open it," he said, pointing to her box.

Janey chuckled. "To be honest, you caught me trying to find something for tonight," she told him. "At least your decision is easy," she teased, reaching for the box he pointed to. She was impressed; for him to get her a gift was one thing but to actually buy her a gown took a lot of thoughtfulness on his part. She pulled off the lid and gasped. The gown was a long black velvet piece with a flowing pale-blue sash around the waistline.
"I love it!" she said, and with a smile lighting her face she felt like a giddy child.

"The woman at the store said you would," he commented coming up behind her and putting his arms around her waist. "I wanted to go with green but she said this one would match my uniform better." There was no use in denying that Danny was useless at shopping for Janey. Nuzzling in
close he kissed her neck. He'd continue to blame his sudden affection on Jackson's guilt trip, but really? He was lonely. He tended to come back to Janey when he was lonely.

"She was right, of course," Janey replied, leaning into him. Whatever had put him in such a good mood had made him more affectionate than he'd been in a long while. Janey knew he was relieved to have both the raid and the serial killer off of his shoulders. "I'm really proud of you, you know," she added. "I mean, I know the town is obviously going to say that tonight, but you deserve to hear it from me personally."

His grip on her tightened, but not because what she said meant so much to him. No, the guilt was bubbling back up again. He'd chased down that killer in cold blood, hell bent on killing the man who'd killed his mistress and now here his wife is, telling him how proud she was of him. "Just doing my job, you know that." His voice was gruff again, more like it normally was.

Janey felt Danny tense, and wondered what she'd done wrong. "I know," she said, quieter this time. "But not everyone on the force is as passionate about it as you are." She remembered then something she wanted to ask him. "Speaking of the force, how's Jackson? Haven't seen him around much lately." There was a certain tenderness in her voice. She knew Jackson could fend for himself when it came to his job, and he was anything but helpless. But she felt a certain level of affection for him--much like what she imagined her brothers felt for her.

Busy alternating between being my best friend and a complete dumbass, Danny thought. Despite their shaky apology in the early hours of the previous day, Danny was still pretty riled at Jackson for a few of his choice comments about Danny's personal life. He kept that to himself though. "He's a workaholic. He'll be at the ball tonight though." Leaning in he kissed her cheek, then released her and moved to put away his uniform for this evening.

"Wonder who he learned that from," Janey said teasingly. She went back to sorting laundry. When she picked up a pile of clothes and moved to the dresser to put them away, and there on top were the folded sketches she'd received from the girl at the cathedral yesterday. She'd been on Janey's mind much of the previous night, while Janey was lying awake. She debated whether to ask Danny if he remembered her from the orphanage. After putting away the clothes, Janey picked up the sketches and unfolded the second, studying how the eyes in the portrait gazed back at her in such a different way than her eyes in the mirror.

Danny gave her a halfhearted smile and a shrug. "There's almost always work to do. I ended up helping a guy pick up some dumb drunk singing on someone's front porch the other night on my way home from work. The only sent one officer out to take car of it, so I gave him an extra hand wrestling the guy in. Even on my time off I'm still in the middle of it." He saw her pick up the drawing and moved towards her, reaching for it. "What's that?"

She shook her head, both at his story and his question. "Oh, it's just a drawing a friend gave me," she said, folding it quickly. She was embarrassed by it for some reason--maybe because it revealed the harsh reality of how much she'd changed. She opened the bottom drawer of her jewelry box to put the sketches inside, deciding she didn't want to bring the girl up with Danny just yet.

His brow wrinkled in frustration, but he didn't say anything. He didn't like Janey keeping secrets, but he'd seen where she put the paper. If it was still bothering him later he'd look for it. "That reminds me," he started, relieved that the drawing gave him a reason to change the subject. "There's a young photographer I met, she had a concern about a stalker? She's offered to give us some of her work to hang in the nur....the guest room, if we want. Said it's a good way for her to get her stuff out there." And it was a good excuse to call on Cheyenne in general. Far less creepy than just finding her at a bar.

"It'd be nice to get something on those walls," Janey agreed. But she ached to think of the guest room. They never had guests; it was just a room sitting empty to remind her of her failures. And although she'd told Danny she wanted it painted, she felt that by painting it they had, in a sense, given up on their dream of starting a family. My dream, Janey thought. More and more, she wondered if she and Danny were on the same page anymore about the life they wanted together.

Janey closed her eyes for a moment, feeling a headache coming on. When she opened them she spoke again. "You said this woman was worried about stalkers? Did she come to your for protection?"

"I ran into her on my beat. She said she felt like she was being followed, so I walked her to wherever she was going. It was during all the serial killer nonsense, so I'm sure she was just jumpy," Danny explained. He kept talking because it distracting him from the pained look on his wife's face, the look he wouldn't be able to get rid of. "I tried to get her to report it, you know file a complaint? But she wouldn't hear it." He shrugged, as if it wasn't a big deal. "Ran into her again briefly and she mentioned the artwork, said she appreciated my being helpful and offered it as a favor."

Janey shuddered at the mention of the serial killer. "I can't imagine not wanting to report it, but I suppose as long as she's safe now, it's all right," Janey said. She went back to the bed, pulled the dress out of the box and hung it up in preparation for the evening. The skirt trailed down to the floor. "Would you like some lunch?" she asked Danny as she turned and picked up the empty laundry basket. What she really wanted to do was crawl back into bed and sleep away the headache and everything else, but that was never an option of course.

Danny thought about the doll Maya Walker had, the one that had looked like Cheyenne. No the girl wasn't even close to safe, but he was determined to try and protect her. Instead he watched his wife gently hang the gown and considered the deal the family had given him. It could have been much worse than protecting one woman to protect another. "Lunch sounds great," he told her.