Involuntary Confession

Who: Evelyn and Jesse
Where: Jesse's apartment
When: Late Afternoon

Evelyn was worried. She had knocked on her brother's door and there hadn't been an answer. Which meant Jesse was out. Normally, this wasn't cause for worry. It was cause for merely a sigh and a note left under a door because Jesse's neighbors weren't always the most dependable message-takers. But it was a Saturday -- not that Jesse worked -- and there was no good reason to be outside in such weather!

...except for Jesse there probably was, wasn't there? Despite futile hopes, she couldn't honestly see her brother letting things go. She could see him going into shady neighborhoods and talking to shady people and probably coming home with another gunshot wound if he came home at all. So, yeah. She was worried.

The lights in the hallway flickered, which disconcerted Evelyn more than she cared to admit to herself. She knocked on Jesse's door for a fourth time, even though she knew that was pointless. Both Jess and Baby J tended to answer after the first knock. Evelyn sighed, admitting defeat. She took a step back, casting one last look at the closed door, and started to walk away. And it was when she was mid-way through the stairwell that lights went out. Completely.

And Evelyn screamed.

It was a completely involuntary response, cut very short by her own hand instinctively lashing up to cover her mouth. She took in a deep breath, eyes wide, trying to adjust to the dark. Did she really just do that?! Evelyn kept still, hearing the short sound echo through the stairwell confirming that, yes, she had just done that. It was utterly ridiculous. She wasn't scared of the dark. She had never been scared of the dark, not even as a child! Yet here she was: standing still in this dark stairwell, with her hand still clasped over her mouth, utterly appalled at her reaction. It was stupid.

But, stupid though it was?, when she heard footsteps echoing up the stairwell Evelyn's heart began to race and she froze there for a moment. But a quick mental kick sent those Fight or Flight reflexes going and she turned around and started her way back up the steps.

Jesse was rushing up the steps, because he'd thought he heard a scream. And while a whole lot of people in this city would turn the opposite direction of anyone screaming, that wasn't the case with him. It was just something he did. And while it hadn't sounded like his daughter, there was something that still had him rushing up the steps. "Hello?" he called, hearing more footsteps on the stairs. It'd be nice if the lights hadn't died. But they weren't helping anyone at the moment.

She recognized the voice, although it still took a second or so for that news to reach her moving feet. Standing still against the railing, the initial feeling that swept over her was relief; because it was a tenant and her brother. But that feeling was very quickly replaced by a flood of embarrassment, because of course it was just a tenant and it was her brother. Of all the people it could have been, it had to have been Jesse. But at least it was a live, breathing, not-poking-around-some-shady-alley Jesse. But Evelyn wasn't quite up for trekking down some steps to meet him just yet, needing the moment to compose herself and despite absolutely knowing that voice her nerves demanded she be sure, "Jess?"

Well that explained why it seemed familiar. "Evie?" he called back, heading up the steps, taking them two at a time til he saw her dark figure against the rest of the dim light. Pausing, he dug a lighter out of his pocket, and lit it, giving them a meager sort of illumination at least. "What're you doing?" he asked. "Are you okay? Was that you screaming?" he asked, walking closer, glancing over her as he did so, to be sure she wasn't injured.

Oh, she had really been hoping he hadn't heard that. "Oh, that... I just..." a hand went up in some meaningless half-shrug half-gesture about the stairwell, "...I just got startled, is all." She strengthened her voice towards the end, forcing a brief 'no big deal!' smile down at the face behind the lighter while she mentally kicked herself seven ways 'till Sunday. "I'm fine."

Jesse stared at her for a few long moments, looking like he was going to call bullshit, but in the end, he ticked his gaze away. "Sure." he said. He still wasn't sure what the hell he was going to do with her. What he was going to say. He'd been trying to come up with something, but so far, he had nothing. Seeing her unexpectedly, that didn't help out much. "Baby J's out til later." he said, in case Evie was there to see her. He started to head past his sister towards his apartment, trying to keep in mind what his daughter had said about not being too hard on her or anything. But then, Jessie didn't know the whole story either.

"Oh," she murmured, certainly a bit disappointed to hear that. But she had more or less figured as such what with nobody answering the door. "Nobody was home. I was just about to head over to mom and dad's." Since she could usually find at least Jessie there, even if her brother usually wasn't. Despite stating her destination though, Evelyn turned around and followed him towards the apartment. She preferred to think it was only because that had been her original destination anyway; because pondering not wanting to walk down the same flight of stairs she had walked down so many times before -- simply because it was dark -- was bothersome. "What about you?" She tried to keep the tone nonchalant, but Evelyn couldn't help some tinge of cautious hesitation peeking through, "What're you up to?" Hopefully not putting himself in harm's way to find some mugger, she hoped. Again, hoped.

Getting his keys out and not even trying to answer her til the door was unlocked and he walked inside, he went to get out the emergency candles, of which there were quite a few shoved into a drawer in an end table. He did that in silence too, even if he was aware he could answer her and do lighting at the same time. Still, he just...didn't. In the end, he had candles lit, and he dropped his lighter on the table with a thunk. "How about I tell you what I'm up to when you tell me what you are?" he said, leveling his gaze on her.

Something was wrong. The silence unnerved her. The dark unnerved her too, although that was pushed to a prickling afterthought on the back-burner. And as she walked after him into the apartment, eyes attempting to adjust on the dark figure moving about to get the candles, Evelyn could more than feel the heavy tension in the room. It was palpable. Suffocating, even. Really, it had started that way in the first milliseconds she noticed he wasn't answering, and now -- inside the apartment with the door shut behind her -- she just felt trapped in it. For a moment she gazed back at him, confused. The way he asked it -- she could tell he was looking for a specific answer. And her guilty conscience could unfortunately supply many off the top of her head.

But, really, Evelyn couldn't honestly figure out what exactly he wanted to know, so she went with the most immediate answer -- even if she at least had good suspicion it wasn't the one he wanted. "I was dropping by to see you. And Jessie." Although, the main worry had been for him. Her brow furrowed further for a moment, eyes never leaving his, before she finally asked, hesitant, "...Why?"

"Were you." Jesse said, sitting down on the couch, not quite looking at her. He was trying not to fly off the handle. He really, really was. Not to shout, not to do anything of the sort. It was just taking every once of energy he had. "And why what?" he asked, tone a little too light. "Why do I want to know what you're up to? Could it possibly be because you've ceaced to give any information on what that might be?" he suggested. "So, I'll ask again. What have you been up to, Evelyn?"

Her eyes tracked his movements, keeping still by the door even though she could begin to feel a dull thudding of her heart. Jesse may not have been shouting, but Evelyn hadn't grown up with him only to not realize that still tenseness in him -- and his not looking at her -- spoke of a level of Pissed Off that him shouting wouldn't quantify. So no, she did not join her brother on the couch -- even if during any other visit she would have. Instead, she stood very very still by the doorway and watched him, and bit down on the flinch at 'Evelyn'. She didn't answer right away, instead kind of searched his eyes for a moment even if she would much rather look anywhere else. Again her guilty conscience shot answer after answer in time with her racing heart... but at the same time she had no desire to incriminate herself and dig the proverbial grave in deeper. But dragging it out...? She may have thought his steeled anger more potent than him yelling at her, but she really didn't want to find out. So Evelyn took a breath that certainly wasn't enough for her nerves, and finally pushed the question out, "What exactly are you asking about, Jess?"

Jesse paused, studying her for a long moment. "Do you not know because you're playing dumb, or do you not know because there's a lot to choose from?" he asked, honestly wondering that. Because he'd been sure that she'd know, that she'd figure out that he'd learned about her secret, but if she didn't know? Maybe there was more than one. Maybe, there was more than he'd even found out. God. Did he ever not want that to be the answer. Lord, dear god no.

It took all the strength she had to not bring up both hands and pull at her hair, or do something to push some of the tension out. She wanted to sit down -- she needed to, even -- but Jesse was on the couch and Evelyn just couldn't take a step towards it right now. Of course there was that big, glaring thing that stood out: the Drake. That she had been working there for months. That she had been going by a different name. That this whole entire time she had let her family believe she was working at the lawyer's office that she had been so desperate to get out of. Her best friend was still there, sleeping with that bastard. Her roommate was a drug dealer, and she was one of her clients. She had dinner with a Giacomo last night -- although if Jesse knew that he'd have to know Dutch had helped her, right? Yeah, out of all of that list the main glaring thing was still the Drake... or maybe it was only glaring to her because she knew about it? Her brother could be thinking about something else... but... shit.

She had envisioned many times how she could finally break the truth, and even though she had never been naive enough to think it'd go well, Evelyn had certainly pictured something she had been more prepared for than this. "...Work," she finally stated. She should have elaborated further on that, but that one word alone was already heard enough to cough up.

He didn't like that she hadn't answered him. That she'd brought up what he was talking about, but hadn't actually answered whether she was playing dumb or if there was more. Because now, he had to wonder. And the problem was he didn't trust her in the slightest right now. Not with everything lately, not with this huge thing just out there that she'd been keeping from everyone. Right now, he didn't trust her at all. In the end, he said nothing, just keeping his eyes on her, so she could elaborate, or do whatever it was she was going to do.

He might have been keeping his eyes on her, but there was only so long Evelyn could force hers to stay on him. And, in those flailing moments after her pseudo-admission, that wasn't long at all. Her eyes flicked onto the a lit candle in the corner, and that instinct she had been chomping down on earlier -- of running her hands through her hair -- finally won out. It may have been only one hand -- her right one, still bandaged -- clumsily pulling through some locks, but it had moved and it had done so entirely against her will. Evelyn really, really wanted to be anywhere other than this room right now. Anyplace that was outside of this conversation -- or whatever it would be -- that was about to happen. God, she wanted him to just say something! Anything. Really. Or maybe she didn't. Maybe him being silent right now was better... but that was no comfort. It only meant that him saying something would be even worse.

Finally, she let out a sigh -- another attempt in vain to expel some nerves -- and her bandaged hand trailed down to her mouth, rubbing nervously at her chin for a moment before she again forced herself to say something, "I've been..." there was a pause, and it was in no way intentional. No, now that she had started she should have just blurted it out and ripped the fucking band-aid off. One more breath. "I've been working at... the Drake." Even though she preferred the view of the candle right now, Evelyn forced her gaze to tick back to her brother with the final admission.

A lot of responses came to mind for him, but he didn't go with any of them. But his lack of reaction said one thing clearly--he knew that already. Her admission wasn't news, it wasn't a shock. That tidbit of information was already in mind. He also watched her struggling, and felt sick to his stomach. Jesus, it was this hard on her just telling the truth. What the hell kind of a person was Evelyn anymore? He'd always known he went off the rails a bit with the family, took paths that they weren't necessarily on board with, but watching her, he had to wonder if she was worse. Because at least he still knew what was important in life, and even if he didn't tell people gorey details, he didn't really lie. He looked away, like he couldn't quite stand looking at her at the moment, which was far closer to the truth than he was okay with.

All those thoughts about 'the truth shall set you free' and old visions of feeling relieved after confessing were complete and utter bullshit. Really, with the way he wasn't looking at her, she would've taken yelling. She really would've taken yelling, or screaming, or anything. Or maybe she was only saying that now; it was more than likely to be something she'd regret if he started. But right now she honestly didn't know where to go from here -- start at the beginning? Explain just how horribly wrong things had gotten at her last job? And go over just how stupid she had felt for getting into that situation on top of all this?

Did she explain how she hadn't meant for the lie? For any of the lies? Did she say how it had started as just putting off mentioning the end of the disaster that was her last job only to end up working as a waitress? Or did she just jump into 'Amelia'? Hell, how could Evelyn explain that when she couldn't even explain it to herself -- it had been some stupid spur-of-the-moment decision that she had just stuck with for reasons that had seemed prudent but she just couldn't remember them now. God, she just didn't know where to go from here and Jesse still wasn't saying anything or looking at her and she had no idea if it was better this way and just -- fuck. Finally, only because she could only stand them both not saying anything for so long (which again wasn't very long, honestly), "Jess... Jesse, say something."

His response was immediate, tone cold, and far too quiet. "What exactly do you want me to say, Evelyn?" he asked, turning his gaze back on her. There was more after that, a lot more he could have said, that he wanted to say, but right now, he still remembered what he'd said to Jessie, and really, right now he thought it was best he didn't even start because if he did, he didn't know how far he'd go. What he'd allow himself to say, if he'd really come out with exactly what was on his mind, and if he did that, well. It wasn't going to be pretty.

Not that any of this was. At the end of the day, his sister had been lying to her whole family for god knew how long, was working at a place owned by the most powerful crime family in the city, and who the fuck knew what else. Had the man who'd hurt her really been someone else and he'd not found the guy yet because it wasn't the correct story he was following? At this point there was no way he could even know.

"I don't know," she admitted, eyes flicking up to the ceiling momentarily because she wasn't going to cry. At all. She may find her hands fidgeting when she told them to be still, and she may find her eyes flicking every which way when she willed them onto Jesse, but she wasn't going to cry. Or break down. Somebody with a lesser constitution feeling what she felt certainly would, but she wouldn't. Not here. When she got home certainly, but certainly not here in front of her brother who had found out she had been lying to them -- to their family.

It had never escaped her realization that she deserved it. That she was wrong. It certainly hadn't. But that knowledge did nothing to make anything better. Instead the glaring horrible truth of it and the fact that she was a person who deserved the look her brother was giving her only made everything absolutely worse. But she didn't cry. Maybe it was being strong, or maybe it was just being stubborn, or maybe it was only that knowledge that she didn't deserve to holding that back. Whatever it was, Evelyn's gaze was steady and not leaking as she brought it back down to her brother and shrugged, lost. "I don't know," she repeated.

"That's it. Just...you don't know." Jesse said, and he mistook the fact that she was cutting emotion out of things to mean that she didn't care. She was squirming, that was no secret, but she was caught in a lie, anyone would squirm. But if all he was getting was a shrug, and an 'I don't know'...well. Considering the light being shown on her right now, nothing was going to come out with the benefit of the doubt intact. "You've been lying to all of us for god knows how long, pulling stupid shit, working with the fucking DiGiovanni, and you just don't know. Right." He stopped there, jaw set as he looked hard away again, and he abruptly got to his feet and walked away from her, over towards the window, just to be farther away.

She blinked, caught clearly off-guard there -- not that Jesse's back would've been able to see. ...'Working with the DiGiovanni'? Working with the DiGiovanni? She had certainly heard some things, sure; but Evelyn certainly hadn't been working with the mob! She had spent the past couple months -- after what was supposed to be a more prestigious clerical position -- learning how to balance cocktails and fine cuisine onto fucking trays, not working with the DiGiovanni! "...I wasn't working for the DiGiovanni," she finally replied, tone replicating that stricken, off-guard expression she wore. Sure, she was ever aware that her credibility was in all cases shot, but she couldn't just let her brother going on thinking she had been in cahoots with the mafia. She had to say something!

"Really? Because you're working at their hotel! What, they just own it but never do anything with it? They don't have things set up, you don't do whatever, since it's your bosses asking? You don't think working at the place that's pretty much their seat of power isn't working with them. You're untouchable, are you? Just working a hotel job, and that's it, and it's all fine? And why are you working there, Evelyn? Looking for a way in? I'm sure it'll come up, if it hasn't already." he said, still not looking back at her.

That hurt. That really, truly hurt. It wasn't that she had expected him to understand why she was working there -- hell, Evelyn had enough trouble admitting the desperation she had felt when looking for a job -- any job -- to herself, much less anyone else. Much less her family, and her brother. And having to admit that --with all her qualifications and good grades in school and being accepted into all the schools she had hoped for even if she couldn't afford it --the only job she had been able to find had been as a fucking waitress? ...And only because she had practically stumbled upon it out of the blue? Even now her pride was still nursing that one. So she wasn't surprised that he didn't understand. But that he thought she had been actively seeking to get into the mafia? That her own brother thought she would do that... that was just fucking crushing.

"It was... it was a restaurant," she started, still trying to focus around that hurt to grasp how Jesse had gone from her waitressing at the Drake equated to her wanting 'in' with the mob. Since the concierge position had only been a very recent thing as a result of her injury, it hadn't occurred to her that he would've known about that. Again her fingers clumsily ran through her hair, both hands this time, "I wasn't -- I'm not looking for a way into anything. It was... a restaurant."

"It's the Drake. Fucking. Hotel." Jesse snapped, finally turning back around. "No, it's not a restaurant. It's the Drake. It's where the DiGiovanni family does one hell of a lot of their business, and if you hear anything, one day, or see the wrong person or wrong people, or take the wrong fucking reservation, or whatever it is you do there..." he shook his head, looking away again. "Jesus fucking christ, Evie, you're smarter than this. You're far smarter than this, and are you really expecting me to believe that you just didn't think of that. or that it won't happen, or whatever the fuck fairytale you're selling me and the rest of your family these days?"

The problem with opting not to cry? Was that it left little choice between other unpleasant and often irrational reactions. Such as getting defensive, even though one knew full well the other party didn't know half the story. And Evelyn hadn't told her brother, or anyone, half the story. It may have been the Drake, yeah, but it was the only place that had been hiring when she absolutely needed to be hired. And even then they had only had one open position at the time. It was as a waitress, yeah. But it wasn't with some perverted asshole of a boss and it wasn't returning back home to various part-time jobs and feeling her life seep away stocking inventory at some grocer's.

"Yes, it's the Drake," she reiterated, trying for calm -- trying in vain to stop that defensive tone from creeping out, "and it's a hotel. With a ton of staff. Over half the guests there are from out of town and are demanding as hell about having the right wine served up but they're not using the fucking staff to broker deals or whatever. Or me. And I know it's not the greatest job right now but it could be worse and--" and she wanted to say how it was only temporary, that she had never had any intention of staying there long... but with her bad luck during her last job search, she honestly started to wonder if this was the best she was going to get. "--and it's a hotel," she finished, losing some that rant. She wondered if she should mention that, hell, she couldn't honestly make a career there because they didn't even know her real name... but she held off on that point.

"Yes, it could be worse. Because you could see something. You could hear something. Shit you aren't supposed to." Jesse said, repeating himself, but if she was determined not to get the point, he'd just have to pound it home for her. "You don't hang with career fucking criminals in their place of operations and just think that it's nothing! Things happen there! What happened to the person you replaced? Who do you think those out of town people are? You can't hang around in the lion's den and expect to get out unscathed, that's just stupid. It's absolutely fucking naive, and you're smarter than that. Or I overestimated you." Which at the moment, he was wondering. "it's only a matter of time before you're compromised in some way. And if it's in the wrong way than maybe they just rip your fingernails out so you don't talk. Or maybe they kill our parents, or a sibling. People important to you. Or maybe, since you don't seem to give a fuck about us in the first place, or this, or the fact that you lied to all of us, maybe they just burn your building to the ground, not giving a damn who's in it at the time. You don't go fucking around with people like this, Evelyn, they aren't playing. They're ruthless, and you are not going to be worth a headache for them. Not in the slightest."

She knew. She was very aware of that. It was why she didn't let herself be a headache. It was why she played dumb whenever she overheard anything. It was why, even if she didn't know whether it was the original reason behind doing so, she had been oftentimes just as grateful as she was annoyed at herself for using a fake name. At least Amelia Wright didn't have family that anyone knew of to hurt. But even though Evelyn certainly hadn't been naive to the hotel's proprietors' business and conversations, Jesse's graphic description -- particularly in regards to her family -- brought out a flinch. But what could she say right now? That she would get a new job? She could try -- and, honestly, she probably would -- but her last not-so-stellar go at job hunting had made her wary on that count. You didn't need to be a mobster to be some sort of sadist.

God, there was so much running through her head that she should have just said. Months ago. And now. But something happened, tripping her up between thinking all that and just blurting it out. But she needed him to know something, at least that her family's safety wasn't unimportant to her. She needed him to know that. She took a couple steps forward, now that Jesse was away from the couch, to lean against the armrest on the opposite end of him, "I didn't use my real name for the job," she finally admitted, softly.

Jesse looked at her, and still just couldn't keep that up for long. He looked away again. "A small blessing, but you're here, aren't you. You go home, visit the parents, probably go see Dorothy, her husband now and then. It's not that fucking hard to find someone in this city. Especially not with people on the payroll just to do that. Just to follow people." He shook his head, crossing his arms. "Jesus, you do just think you're better, don't you. that for some reason, you've got it all figured out, and nothing'll ever touch you, and you'll be just fine. That it's not going to come back on you. And from here it still doesn't look like you give a shit if it comes back on us. Get out, Evelyn. Just...get the fuck out of my sight."

She waited just a moment, trying to fight that hurt look from taking over her expression, before finally getting up and moving towards the door. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't cry, not until she was well out the building's exit and tucked away in cab somewhere. It wasn't how she wanted to end it at all. At the very least, she had wanted to correct him -- let him know it wasn't her thinking she was better than anyone else. It wasn't that she thought she was untouchable, or too important. She honestly chalked it up to not being important enough to even be on the radar. It wasn't that she thought she could stay out of everything, or not be used. It was only that she just hadn't seen anything in herself she could imagine them caring to use. It was probably an awful bit of self-reflection, and boded ill of self-confidence on the matter, and not something she wanted to admit. But she would have, in that moment.

Except then Jesse was looking at her like that and it was even worse than the other times and... because she did love him, and care about him, and about what he thought... she just couldn't handle being looked at like that by him anymore, so she didn't say anything, and just headed towards the door. Because she felt dangerously close to crying right then and there, and despite everything else... Evelyn would at least keep that promise. As she opened the door, she couldn't really look at him -- he would probably be looking at her like that again -- so instead she murmured her "Bye, Jess" out into the darkened hallway and shut it behind her.