For The Misguided
Submitted by daimona_discordia on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 21:32.
The doctor is in. If you've got a fork in the road you're waffling over, your life is in a shambles, or you're a whiney wishywashy bitch who needs a good kick in the pants, write down your situation and deposit it here. Sign with anything that isn't your name. Your answer will be written up within 24 hours, and left behind the bar. Just ask for the envelope with the 'name' you signed with.
The Goddess of Discord
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Early Morning
Princess
What did you miss? You really couldn't see it? You missed the possibility that you wouldn't reply at all. We both knew what the terms were. We both knew they couldn't be met. You might have decided that without that, burning bridges was the only viable option, and any attempt of mine to interrupt that was not welcome or acceptable.
And, yes - I always hated that you could see through me. Because I hated that anyone could see me at all. And I hated that I liked the fact that anyone would even try. I worked so fucking hard to make sure that nobody would even try, and yet you seemed to be able to do it like breathing. I put up walls and you knocked them down like they were cobwebs. Nothing I did seemed to faze you, give you pause, stand in your way. You know how long you had me running fucking scared? Has that changed now? In a way, probably. I got used to it, I suppose. Got used to the fact you would always see me. And now you're not there. That's missing. Someone who understands, despite it all.
What can't you grasp that you should have been able to?
As for what you're doing. It doesn't surprise me, in that I don't think that anything you could do would ever really surprise me. if there's ever anyone in this world that is going to break out of the mould, it's going to be you. As for specifically this? Why? Does anyone else reply? Is it helping you, or helping them? What started this? What do you hope to achieve?
You might not want to have an argument about what you're worth via letter, but you know I'm never going to let that one go. I know how you think, I know what you think, and if you haven't changed your opinion on that then never expect me to agree with you. I will have the faith in you you never seemed to have in yourself. Always. No matter what, you will always have a defender in me.
That, however, brings us full circle back to the real reason we're reduced to written correspondence. It would be so easy to ignore, forget, move on. And sometimes, I do. And then I sit here and look at those four words on the page.
And sometimes, I do.
And then it's worse, because I shouldn't forget. I should live in the real fucking world. Where fucking shit happens. Not some dream world that doesn't fucking exist where everything's sunshine and roses and okay and I'm just a fucking idiot.
If I could live in the real world. Deal with reality. And still deal. Without feeling like I had to forget. That is the way to do things.
Nothing ever came good from sweeping shit under the rug. If just lays there to trip you the fuck up.
And there you have it. Me, going off on a tangent. I'm going to sign this off here, before I say anything else stupid. Or else rip this up and start again.
Brett.
Baby, I will never ignore
Baby,
I will never ignore you. I know our agreement, I know what the terms are, I know all of that, and the fact of the matter is, I'm never going to be able to ignore you. If you're there, even as words on a page, you will have my attention. I've tried ignoring you. It's never worked for me, and I don't expect that to change. So much so that honestly that never even occurred to me. That's why I missed it. It never even remotely crossed my mind.
I wonder, as I read more of this, if you ever realized that I was scared. That everything to do with you, or us, was terrifying in it's own right, only as I mentioned already, I can't ignore you. I suppose it's the idea of the moth to the flame, in some ways. Particularly with you being you and me knowing full well the extent of all of it. I always imagined I would ruin things, I just expected it to be far sooner than it turned out to be.
What I couldn't grasp was one of the last things we discussed. The idea of the L word. I suppose when it came to that, or the implications of that, that was where I would get lost, where my ability to see got cloudy. I would see things incorrectly or not at all because I wasn't seeing all the pieces on the board, so to speak.
For what I'm doing, yes, actually. Other people have replied. I thought the Round was a good place to offer up advice for the lost, because that's it's main clientele. You won't find a place more chock full of the damaged than the Round. I suppose that's why I'm back here. Maybe it's just where I belong. It's meant to be helping them, though I needed something to do with myself. Some sliver of purpose. What started it was I sort of had a series of encounters with people who seemed in desperate need of guidance, and they chose me to listen to for inexplicable reasons. I suppose I don't have any clear goal to achieve at all, beyond the obvious. I get direction, and they get a possible course of action. Though to be honest, I'm unsure why certain people have decided I know what I'm talking about. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I've never been one to let the possibiity of failure stop me.
I need to tell you something about the real world. It's not really real. There is not constant reality. It's all subjective. The world is what people see it to be, from their own stand point. Ask our soldiers over seas what reality is, and it'll be different than Hitler's army's reality. If you strive to live in the real world, you're never going to be taking part in it, you're going to spend all your time setting down rules, or propping up everything while it tries to collapse on you. That said, I'm not actually asking you to forget, or ignore. And if you do forget, and you want me to help you keep up that real world you're talking about? I can do that.
I killed someone. I say I did it on your behalf, and you don't believe that. You're a homicide detective, and you work very, very hard to try and keep the streets safe from people just like me. Shit does happen, the world has rainbows but they're rare and require the sky to be pissing down on the earth to get one. You're not an idiot. You're a man who's been rained on a little bit too much, and I contributed to that.
You know you can tie up the loose end at any point. Maybe that would make your real world real for you. It wouldn't be sweeping anything under the rug, and you wouldn't have to worry about tripping. I tried to take care of it my own way, but I'm fairly certain I'm cursed. As for whether or not you 'should' be doing anything, I think you need to consider something. What's most important to you? It's not a loaded question, I don't expect an answer. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't reply back to this one again. I would understand if you didn't. I wouldn't feel right about trying to get your forgiveness, to ask you to forget. I wouldn't feel right trying to alter who you are, and that would. If I did that, you wouldn't be the man I can't ignore, now would you? I'm not all that adept at doing the 'right' thing. But I work on it.
I never was fond of the 'real' world. I never fit in it. I don't think I do now either.
Take care of yourself.
I hate the idea of you wasting away.You know what I mean.Yours,
Julia
.
So look, here's the deal. I don't get close with people, but got close with someone. And I suspect that they may be in some seriously deep shit, having done some epically horrific things. I don't have proof, I have just my gut telling me something's fucked. I hate that I think it at all. Not sure what the fuck to do about it either. I don't really believe there's an answer, but what the fuck ever, I thought I'd try. I'm too drunk not to. So, what've you got for that?
not a special snowflake
.
Snowflake,
First of all, if you truly were a non special snowflake, that would make you an extra special snowflake, because they're all meant to be unique. But that's neither here nor there. How often is your gut right? Basically, if you have a habit of being right, and your instincts are telling you something is wrong right now, maybe there is. I'd look for proof if you're not a paranoid individual, and your feelings turn out correct more often than not. If you're the type who gets suspicious of everyone and everything, and it's not something that usually pans out, then calm the hell down and re-think your situation.
But if you do decide to go with your instincts, I would look for proof before you cut ties. Be careful, and don't put yourself into a situation that might prove dangerous, if this person is in fact capable of horrific things. Watch your back, but really examine your own instincts.
Goddess
.
Dear goddess,
I'm really doing this because she's sitting here watching me and I'm a touch drunk, but sure. Question for advice. There's a girl (there's always a girl) and she is...miles out of my league but for some reason the good woman seems to think I'm worth the time of day. We're...going with the flow. This is a recipe for disaster isn't it? How doomed am I really?
Sincerely yours,
The nice guy
.
Nice Guy,
There's a saying, that nice guys finish last. As cliche as it is, it's also true most of the time. If this girl is out of your league, but still spending time with you, you might have a shot. The trick is to assume no one is out of your league, and behave accordingly. Sure, you'll hit snags along the way, but it could also get you much further in life than if you sit passively by and view everyone else as beyond you or above you.
Never be satisfied with 'going with the flow'. Take an active role in your own life, don't let the direction everyone else happens to be going become yours by default. Frankly, the way this city moves, it's a really ill advised way to go in the first place. Take my advice and you don't have to be doomed at all.
Good luck,
Goddess
.
If you had two days left before life as you knew it ended, how would you spend them? Everything's about to change, or maybe just stop, which counts as a change in its' own right, and technically this is my last chance. Forty-eight hours to do anything, where would you start?
- Bengals fan
.
Bengals fan,
The question isn't how I would spend them, it's how you would. All I can do is advise you in priorities. If I had two days left, I'd get my affairs in order, make sure everything I had was going to someone I wanted it to go to. I would spend as much time as I could with people who mattered most to me, and if there's anything heavy on your chest that you're burning to get off of it? Do that now. I don't know who said it, but you regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did, supposedly.
If I have that reference in your name right? Turn yourself in, or disappear forever. Just stop raining blood down on this city.
The Goddess of Discord and Strife