A New Direction

Who: Dodge and Zhen
Where: Fontaine Park / Around town
When: early afternoon

Dodge's morning hadn't gotten any better after talking to Maddy and Roach. It hadn't gotten any worse, but it hadn't gotten any better. He'd sat on the stoop Maddy left him on for a long while, waiting for something to happen, for her to come back, Roach to show up and either hit him again or apologize and yet nothing happened. Giving up on anything changing he'd left the stoop, slipping back into his normal routine. He'd just spent most of the lunch hour pickpocketing anyone he could, and had come away with pretty full pockets himself.

Looking for somewhere to sort out his take, he found himself drifting towards the park and his favorite alcove there with the faded statue that didn't look like much of anything anymore, examining a pocket watch he'd lifted while he went. It was a nice one, the intricate little cogs and wheels visible through cuts in the face, hints at the complexity that no one ever looked at. If they weren't starving he'd be tempted to keep it for himself.

Zhen was out for a stroll herself, generally looking for someone to take an interest in. Then, she noticed a boy she'd spoken with before walking along, not watching where he was going. Saying nothing, she merely waited for him to pass her, and then she fell into step with him, walking along by his side. "Where are we going?" she asked.

He'd been lost in his own thoughts, not expecting someone to come up to him so when she spoke, Dodge snapped the watch shut, tensing until he realized who was speaking. Just the girl with the ducks, and nothing truly worth worrying about. Taking in where he was he realized he was near the alcove he'd been headed for, but it reminded him of Jessie, which kept him from actually stepping into it. "I believe we're going nowhere," he told his new companion.

Zhen shook her head. "Impossible." she said. "You can't go nowhere. Everywhere is someplace. Nowhere doesn't exist." she told him. "So, where are we headed again?" she asked. She smiled at him, even if it was clear that he was lost in his own world just a moment ago. Zhen never was someone who was overly concerned with interrupting people.

Dodge couldn't help but smile in return, though it left him wincing from the damage to his face. He wasn't feeling like himself, but there was still that persona to fall into, slip into like a second skin. "Well then we're headed somewhere that feels like nowhere," he explained, turning their steps away from the alcove he was headed for. "Did you have anywhere in mind you wanted to go?" He should have been caught off guard by her wanting to join him, but in reality he didn't mind having someone there after the day he'd had.

"No." she said. "You looked lost." she said. "So I wondered where you were headed if you didn't look like you belonged where you were." she explained like it was normal. "So, if you were trying to head nowhere, and looked lost in the first place, what's happening?" she asked. "You seem to have quite the shiner there." she added, pointing to his face. She knew a fresh bruise when she saw one. That was a fresh bruise. A very fresh bruise. She paused and looked around. "This way." she said.

Dodge thought about that, turning the watch in his hand over once or twice, before looking up at her. "I think I am lost," he agreed even though she seemed to already decided that for him. Nodding he followed after her, not answering her question besides his first statement.

"Why are you lost?" she asked, clasping her hands behind her back as she walked along with him, her attention focused solely on him. Lost souls were her specialty, really, they were what she did. They were her real reason for existing, for doing what it was she did. So many people fell through the cracks, they just got lost and never got found. They never found the different points of the spectrum. So, she hoped she could do something with him, help him in some way.

Dodge considered that for a moment, trying to determine exactly why it was that he felt lost. "I seem to have found myself on a path I never intended to be on," he finally said. He didn't realize he'd gone so far that there wasn't coming back from it. "And it just got really lonely," he added, because that was true as well.

Nodding, Zhen listened. "What path is it?" she asked. "And you had companions, but they've abandoned the journey?" she concluded. Which happened in life sometimes. But depending on what he said to her would directly affect what she might advise him with. She knew sometimes people strayed off where they ought not be, and that was why people left. And other times, they just didn't understand, and you needed to continue on, to either find new people or catch back up with others when they caught onto what was happening. But she needed to know what sort of situation this young man was in first before she figured out which direction she was going to send him off in.

"The wrong path," Dodge answered without thinking about it first. Taking another deep breath, he glanced at Zhen, not sure why he would actually tell her what was going on but assuming that it really couldn't hurt. "I was selfish and stupid. I lost track of the big picture and failed to notice that not only did the different aspects of my journey interact with one another, but that I wound up hurting everyone around me. And my companions, they left me, not the journey." Dodge turned the watch in his hand over again, opening it, then closing it one more time before tucking it back into his coat pocket.

"I see." she said. "What was on the path that was so blinding that you didn't see these sorts of things?" she asked, still filling in the gaps in her knowledge, so she could get a complete idea of what he was doing and going through. It was always the best way to go about things. She liked having a wide picture.

"Lust? Maybe love?" he pondered out loud, shaking his head a little because neither sounded right. "I'm not sure really. Maybe it was just my own head being clouded rather than something to do with the path itself." Dodge pulled the fedora off his head, musing his hair a little before putting it back on. He needed something to do with his hands, but there wasn't anything to do, so he wound up tucking them back into his pockets.

"Love is something that if it's real is unselfish. Lust, on the other hand, that's selfish. You said you were selfish and stupid. So, I'd assume it's lust." she said, thinking things over. "With real love, you want what's best for the other person. You want what's going to make them happy--even if it isn't what makes you happy and isn't best for you." she continued. "What were you doing that was so awful that it's left you alone?"

"Lust then," Dodge agreed thinking that sounded accurate enough. "Though, at times, I guess what I thought was best for someone else wasn't best. So perhaps not real love, or blinded love. I'm not entirely sure which," he offered. Had he loved Maddy? She'd loved him, but he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure if he really could love anyone. He'd loved Patrick and the man had betrayed him. Was he willing to make that sacrifice again? "I hurt everyone around me," he explained. "I wanted what I wanted and took it with complete disregard for what those around me might want or need. I'm a thief, though I suppose I tried to apply that to real life. It didn't go so well."

"You coud just have poor judgment, too." she offered. "If you thought something was best and it wasn't, it might not be selfishness at all, it could just be not understanding things well enough." She'd seen that a lot. People always thought things that wound up being wrong. "And it sounds like the kind of path that leads to where you thought you were heading." she agreed. "What are you going to do about it?" she asked. "Since you seem to have come to the conclusion that it was not the way to go." she added. He didn't sound like he needed to have that pounded home. "You even seem to understand it was your own actions that caused it. Which just leaves tidying up the mess and setting forth on a new path." she added, like it was simple. "Which actually, cleaning things up is a path in and of itself, a side path to the next one."

"I think that's true and certainly only helped to make things worse," Dodge agreed again. He did have terrible judgment. What was right for him, wasn't right for everyone else. "Do about it?" he asked, though he knew what she was saying. "I'm not sure. I don't know if I can clean up the mess. The involved parties have all distanced themselves from me, and now I'm left alone. I have no idea what's next." He still had his boys, that was one thing, but it didn't seem like that was a path he'd been doing a decent job of walking anyway.

"Nonsense." Zhen said. "That's the talk of someone who doesn't care enough to do the hard things." she told him. "So, I suppose the real question is--do you want to clean this up? Do you want to get back with people you care about?" she asked. That was fairly important. Her tone was still normal, not at all accusational. She wasn't leaning him in any direction, she wanted to know what he wanted to do. From there she'd work things out.

He didn't answer right away, considering what she said for a moment. "Yes, I do. Though, I screwed things up so bad I wonder if they want me to. Or if it's the right thing to do. I suppose I don't trust my own judgment." He wanted so bad for Maddy to come back, for Roach to move back in, to take back the night where Evie threw him out and to enjoy another walk home with Jessie, but was that what they wanted? Probably not.

"Stop." Zhen said, holding up a hand. And she stopped walking as she did so, too, looking him fully in the eyes. "Either you do or you don't. Any questions of if they'll have you, or the right thing to do, all of that doesn't play in. Either you want to do this or you don't. Choose." she told him. And then she waited, very clearly giving him the chance to answer her before she continued.

Dodge barely stopped in time, not quite realizing that Zhen had stopped. Her demand left him staring at her, confused for a moment while he tried to get it to sink in. "Yes," he said finally, understanding where she was coming from. "I miss them already," he added, feeling like that needed to be noted.

Zhen nodded. "Alright." she said, smiling at him. "Then let's figure out how to do that." she said, and then she started walking again. "Come along." she invited. "Give me a single situation at a time. Take each person, and lay out as honestly as you can what's happened between you and where things left off."

He was a step or two behind her when she started walking again, moving quickly to catch up. "A single situation? We're going to break it down by person?" Dodge tried to determine where to start, who to start with. "Where do I even start?"

"The first person to come to mind." Zhen said. "Right now, this very instance, when I say the word 'heartache' who comes to mind?" she asked, choosing that word since he seemed to be connecting things in with lust, therefore she imagined that was in there somewhere. She figured the easiest would be whoever gave him the shiner, but she wanted to work with harder problems first, before she got to others. And emotional turmoil always ached worse than the physical. "Tell me about them and what happened with them."

"Maddy." The name blurted out the moment she asked what came to mind with 'heartache'. Rubbing his face which hurt like hell, he tried to figure out where to start. "We were friends, then something happened. It changed and it became this game, a power struggle that got physical. But somewhere in that it changed again and she fell for me. And there were so many things that went wrong. Like she decided she was going to turn tricks to get money? And I couldn't handle that so I told her I'd leave her if she did it." Dodge's pace slowed as he walked, hating reliving this memory, but Zhen had asked him to explain. "Then there was another girl, Jessie, and I liked her too, but things were different from the way they were with Maddy, but Maddy knows about Jessie now and she said I was treating her like dirt and..." He halted his words on purpose, knowing he was about to start rambling, and glanced over to Zhen hoping he wouldn't have to go into more detail.

When Dodge slowed, Zhen accommodated, so they were still walking side by side, her entire attention on him as she gently led them towards the waterfront. When he stopped explaining, she was quiet a moment, assessing still. "Jessie is a separate matter." she said. "We're just talking about Maddy." she continued. "So, taking everything else out of the situation, what added up to her leaving? Think about it in terms of bare bones. Don't think about it emotionally for the moment--which I'm aware will be hard, but try for me. If you had to boil things down, and give me the very barest bones of an explanation of what went wrong, what would you say to me?" she said, framing it for him.

Dodge reached up to tug at the edge of the fedora brim, thinking about how to explain what happened without the emotional connection to it. It was nearly impossible, considering everything that happened seemed to be emotional, but he wasn't going to be accused of not trying. "She didn't like the way I was treating her," he finally settled on, again glancing at Zhen to see if he'd gotten it right.

Nodding in encouragement, she accepted that. "Alright, that's a start." she said. "And that's something you can change, too. It's voluntary. Your actions are your own, no one ever makes you do anything. Keep that in mind for the rest of your life, okay?" she said. "You are in control of you. And even if people do things to upset you, you can still control your reaction to them, and events. She doesn't like the way you were treating her. So, treat her how she wants to be treated." she continued. "Which means your first course of action is going to be apologizing--that goes a long way and it will need to be sincere--you'll need to take responsibility for what you've done and acknowledge that you've been wrong." she went on. "And you need to ask her how she does want to be treated. What is and is not acceptable to her. I recommend you do this with a gift of some description and a letter. However, don't just buy flowers or something you don't have to think about. Think about her, and what she means to you, and then come up with what exactly would express that best. What material item in this world would most accurately show how much she means to you. If you need help with money, I can provide it. Don't think small. It's important, this is your life, and if you screw this up, that part of it could be over. Don't do that. Put your all in."

Dodge wanted to point out that no one ever made him do anything, but obviously being the master of his own actions hadn't done him any good, so maybe it was for the best to just bite his tongue on that front. He frowned as Zhen continued, detailing what kind of gift he'd need to get Maddy to apologize, how his apology needed to be sincere, when he'd thought it was sincere enough earlier. "I have no idea. It's not like she likes jewelry or needs anything," Dodge thought out loud, voice sounding confused and defeated. "And what do you mean you'd help with money?," he added, that part of what she said sinking in.

"I said to put your all in, boy." Zhen said. "Giving it all of three seconds thought and then giving up is not your all. That's hardly even an effort." she told him. "Maybe you don't actually care that she's gone." she said, shrugging, and she started to walk again. "Also, I'm fairly certain there's little room for interpretation with what I said. I will help you with providing money for whatever gift you choose. What's there to question?" she asked.

"The part where people rarely give people something for nothing," Dodge pointed out following after her. "And I do care she's gone. I just...she's not like the jewelry type or something. She wants a house, but I can't very well get her a house." He thought about it, falling into step with Zhen again and pulling out the watch again to turn over in his hands, helping him think. "She's an artist, maybe something with that?"

"People also rarely take an avid interest in other people's lives, but I've done that." Zhen pointed out in kind. "And art supplies and the like may work quite well. How do you know she isn't the jewelry type?" she asked. "It hasn't escaped my notice that you look like you're a street kid, playing with a likely stolen watch." she said, not that she seemed at all upset by that fact. It was just something she was noticing. "Is she a street kid too? Could she even afford something nice, jewelry wise?"

Dodge still looked a little skeptical at Zhen's offer, but shrugged it off for the moment. "What's a street kid gonna do with good jewelry" he asked, tucking the watch away again. He wasn't ashamed of stealing it, but it was still best to hide the evidence. "Besides hawk it an pay for dinner that is. At least I know if I give her art supplies she won't sell them the first time it gets too cold to go without food." Though he doubted Maddy would actually be willing to part with something like that, he'd seen it first hand. Hell, he'd helped JJ steal her mother's locket from a pawn shop the woman had sold it to.

"Girls like pretty things that help them feel beautiful." Zhen told him. "I'm sure if it was a heartfelt gift, from you, she would have a lot of trouble hawking it." she continued. "You could do both. Art supplies and something pretty. What kind of art does she do?" she asked.

He supposed Zhen had a point, and he really could steal her something nice if he tried. The probably was, the easiest marks for stealing that sort of prize off of wouldn't have anything that would ring a tone with Maddy. "I've seen it happen before," he pointed out, but it wasn't defiant, just worried. He didn't want to find what he gave her in a pawn shop somewhere. "She draws. Paints some. I think she'd do more painting, but pencils and charcoal are easier to come by."

"So let's get her painting supplies." Zhen said. "That would very much be a good gift." she continued. "Add onto that a necklace or a bracelet, and I think you have that part covered." she told him with a smile. "Then it's the letter and delivery. Shouldn't take you too long, even especially with it being fresh in your mind."

It wasn't lost on Dodge that it came out as a plural 'let's' rather than singular. Which meant Zhen was helping with more than just picking out the gift. It made Dodge wary, taking charity like that from someone, but he couldn't say no. She had a point, he needed to do something for Maddy and even if he didn't eat for weeks he wouldn't have enough to really put together a decent gift. He'd just have to take the repercussions of whatever this woman wanted from him in return. "The letter and delivery?" he asked, wanting clarification on that. Reading he was fine with, but his writing was sloppy at best, usually not much more than scribble, which he gave up on fast, not happy with the way the letters didn't shape properly like the ones in books or the newspaper.

"Yes. You don't want to sit there while she reads it. You need to give her space to take in what you've said. She'll come to you if it's worked." Zhen told him. "And delivery...do it sometime when she isn't in, and leave it outside her door. Or, have it delivered by an outside party while she is in, but don't be there with it when it's handed over." she continued. Then she looked at him. "Do you need help with the letter?" she asked.

Dodge nodded. That wouldn't really be difficult, he had eyes and ears all over the streets, and he was deft when it came to just leaving things for Maddy. Or he was before Roy put the lock in. "Not sure how I feel about leaving it outside though, her place isn't really secure or anything," he commented, half thinking out loud again. "I mean before, I could have just left it in her room, but she's got a lock on the door now. I don't doubt I could get my hands on a key, or call in a favor for someone who isn't bothered by locks.." He was still just talking through his thoughts, having found that Zhen seemed to want more information rather than less. At her request he cringed a little, not wanting to admit he might need the help, even if he might. "Maybe? I read and write fine, just don't have the best handwriting."

Zhen shook her head. "That's a violation." she told him. "Breaking into her place, whether it's you or not is a violation. It's saying to her that you don't care about her personal space, or feeling of security. It will counteract the apology and everything you've put in it if by a matter of course, you've stomped all over her boundaries." she explained, tone light. "She's kicked you out of her life. Crossing a line so basic will do absolutlely nothing for you but make it worse. If you're worried about security, then just do the second part--do it when you know she is home, just don't deliver it yourself." she told him. "And I have beautiful handwriting, and possibly a typewriter you could use. It can all get taken care of."

That left Dodge frowning again, and though it didn't come to his mind he should have been relieved that the facial expression didn't make his injured face hurt any more. "I hate that lock," he commented, because despite her reasons, he still felt like it was just one more way for her to keep him away. "So I send one of my boys over with it," he said, sounding like he was giving in some. He knew it was the right thing to do, especially since what Zhen was saying reminded him of bits and pieces that came out of what Maddy herself had said. "Maybe I could type it or something," Dodge agreed, feeling like if Zhen wrote it, it might change the tone. "So I just apologize in the thing for being an ass?"

"Why do you hate a lock?" she asked, frowning a little herself as they walked. She subtly changed their direction again, a new destination in mind. "And is being an ass what you did wrong?" she asked. She hardly thought so, generally people didn't get disowned for something so trivial. Plus, he'd already said that it was the way he'd been treating her.

"Lots of reasons," he said shrugging. "I hate that she felt like she needed it, that she didn't come to me if she was scared. I hate that it's there, this thing that just keeps me from getting in. I hate that Roy put it there." Dodge wasn't handy like Roy, he wouldn't have been able to put the lock in like Roy had. "It sounds stupid when I say it out loud." He followed the direction change without noticing it, just moving with her only generally aware of his surroundings. "No. I mean that's probably part of it, but it's like I said before, I didn't treat her how she felt like she deserved to be treated. I just put that in there? 'Sorry for making you feel like a whore' or something? That seems even more pathetic."

Zhen drew in a deep breath, and let it out slowly as she assessed the new information. "First of all, if something sounds stupid aloud? It's stupid." she told him. "If you can't repeat something back to yourself and find merit in it, it lacks merit. And if you wind up recognizing that a lot of your rational's and behaviors lack that, then you need to start talking to yourself more." she told him honestly. "You need to take your situations, say them out loud to yourself, and see how they sound. Anything can be justified if you don't examine it. It seems to me, with what you've said to me, that you do a whole lot of acting and not a lot of thinking. That will need to change, if you want to lead even a minorly successful life with real relationships as a part of it." she advised. "Now, here's the difficult part." she said. "From what you've just said to me, it seems to me you treat her like a pet, not a person." she continued, tone light. "You don't have a right to be anywhere that isn't your own home, so you don't have a right to 'get in' anywhere. You need permission to do that. It's a basic human code of conduct, dear, and it's best if you started learning that immediately. I don't know who Roy is but he's like Jessie--not the point here and now, too. Forget him." she added. "As for what to put in there, no. That's not what you say. You have to put everything in there. You have to put in there that you were wrong. You have to put in there that you are sorry. You have to put in what she means to you, and what the loss of her in your life means to your life. Anyone can say 'sorry'. But it's the effort you put into it that actually makes the difference. Otherwise it's just words that can be dismissed." She looked at him as they walked. "If you treat her like a pet and the word 'whore' was thrown into things, then you need to put in a lot of effort. You're going to have to bear your soul. And if you aren't willing to do that, then she isn't worth it to you. But if she is, then give. Give like you've never given of yourself before. Half measures will not work, and they won't mean a damn thing in the end. You really have to commit if you want this to work."

Seeing things and talking to himself? He really was going to be the new poster child for Bedlam when it was all said and done wasn't he? "She's not a pet," Dodge started, but didn't complete the thought. Pet sounded to harsh, but that didn't mean he didn't consider Maddy his. He collected all sorts of things, people included and Maddy was the best part of his collection. It didn't make her any less of a person, but he didn't have to say that one out loud to figure it didn't make sense to anyone but him. Plus that was what she'd said wasn't it? That he kept her like a doll in a room, for only him to play with. "I could change that I think, or make it so she doesn't feel that way," he tried instead. What Zhen was asking for the letter, that seemed like so much. There were admissions there that he wasn't even sure he knew the answer to himself, let alone be able to spell them out in a letter. "What if I don't know? What if I can't explain it right?" he asked because it was a genuine concern. If he wasn't sure how he felt, how could he even begin to tell Maddy?

"There's your problem." Zhen said. "I just explained to you a few minutes ago that you can't be made to feel or do anything. But you just said you could make it so she doesn't feel a certain way. You do not control her, but it seems like that's been your idea for a while. People don't feel the way you've described unless they've been under someone's thumb. You aren't going to have control of her, and what's more, you don't want it. What you want is for her to want to be around you. You want her to voluntarily be there, on her own, because it's what she desires. Not for her to be there because of some fucked up commands, or possessions, or anything of the kind. You want her to be there because it's her idea. And you're going to have to alter how you see things to do it. The way you've done things so far clearly does not work, so much so that your entire life imploded and you've lost several people. So I'm serious when I say you need to stop behaving like you have been, and think outside your own head. Changing what you think--like you said first--that's what you need to do." she instructed. "As for explaining things 'right', there isn't so much a right or wrong." she told him. "There's how you feel and what you do. Even if something isn't perfect, it doesn't mean it won't have the affect you want. If you're honest and giving, fully thrown into this whole thing, it won't have to be one hundred percent perfect."

Dodge made a small noise, a frustrated sound because he'd been doing fine up until this point. He hated hearing Zhen say he needed to get outside of his own head because it wasn't easy. He'd been this way for too long. "But that's how I want her to feel," he tried again, not sure how to word it when he knew what he wanted. When did everything get so damn complicated. His hands flexed a few times, still needing to do something, but there was little to do with them. He crossed his arms over his chest, tucking his hands away while he thought. "And if she still says no?"

"You said earlier that you've been selfish." Zhen said, looking at him. "And right now, you just proved how selfish you can be." she told him, though her tone was light. "'I want' and then you even crossed your arms and pouted like a child over it." she pointed out. "If all you care about is your own desires, if you've been selfish and that's your main motivation here, then you've already failed, and you're going to continue to do so until everyone in your life has left you, and you're alone. People who are alone wither and die, terrible, cold deaths with no one around to even mourn their passing. The world does not revolve around you, and you need to learn that, very quickly. You should find, I would hope, that actually surprisingly little is about you. It's possible you need to learn humility. You need to humble yourself. Things will not end well if you do not, and I don't mean with your current troubles. I mean your life. Take it seriously." she told him. "As for if she still says no? Then she says no. But you'll have tried. You'll have put in what you could, and if it isn't enough, it isn't enough, but I would hope that you would learn something from it regardless."

There was an urge in Dodge to protest. To explain to this woman who he was, how much of the city's street life did revolve around him, but it was futile. In reality it wasn't even who Dodge was, just he persona he'd been given to wear. Uncrossing his arms he went back to his hands tucked in his pockets, eyes on the ground. Humility was going to be hard, though he supposed his first lesson was the punch to the face he'd gotten that morning. His eyes dropped to the ground, watching his feet fall, one footstep after another. "How does one do that? Learn to be humble?" he asked, feeling stupid for asking, but honestly needing some sort of direction. He also didn't want to talk about Maddy saying no. That would drive him completely mad.

"You're a street rat child with an inflated sense of self importance that will be forgotten the moment you're put to ground. If you went missing, no one of consequence would even notice. You get no tickertape parade when you accomplish things, and there isn't a band of public ridicule when you fail. You are one person, faceless, in a sea of others just like yours. How did you learn to think you were otherwise?" Zhen asked, and despite the things she said to him, her tone was still gentle. She wasn't saying them to be cruel--the opposite, in fact.

Even with the gentle tone her words stung, just like they'd sting to any street kid. He felt like she was off in some ways, though his sense had been knocked in him hard enough to acknowledge that he was skewed somewhat in his thinking. True, no one of consequence would notice he was missing the but wouldn't the streets feel that his presence was gone? And there were no parades, but there was still approval to be gained and lost. "I was taught," he told her. "Shaped. Brought up to be what I am." A prince among thieves. "I can't explain it, I just was, I always have been, it didn't matter as much before." Before he'd had an actual adult to keep him in check. These days...things were different.

"What are you?" Zhen asked, since he'd worded it that way.

He glanced at her, seemingly surprised at the question for a moment. "I'm Dodge," he explained. "The Prince of Thieves. I have the run of almost every street kid in Eidolon City. I'm royalty among the poor and downtrodden. If you need something, you come to me, and nothing goes on without me hearing about it." Dodge shrugged, smirking a little but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I got the name at ten, before that...I was no one. A faceless boy in a sea of others just like me," he told her using her words. "Roach, I didn't tell you about him yet, when he decided to leave today, he pointed out he's gonna go back to being Ethan again, not Roach. He said I should do the same. Problem is...I've never been anything but Dodge. Don't even have another name. Tried to come up with one today for a little while, but nothing stuck."

Zhen listened, nodding. "What you are, dear is arrogant." she said, judging from what he'd just said. "And you think far too highly of yourself and your accomplishments. You think you're bigger than you are. You also speak in absolutes, which is wildly inaccurate at best. You're a deck of lies." she told him. "There is no royalty, among the streets or not. People haven't heard of you. And if you left, there'd be some other kid who stepped into your place, and tomorrow, people wouldn't even remember you." she told him. "You should probably try to keep that in mind, that will help with being humble. You are of no consequence. You are replaceable. Whatever 'power' you think you have, is not nearly the trembling presence you think it is, and that will get you hurt. Possibly killed, eventually. Arrogant children who get too big for their britches eventually get shown otherwise, and considering the playing field you're trotting your game around in, it won't be shown to you by people who take pity on or ease up on people because they're young." She knew. Her father was one of the top members of the Jade Lotus. "And you should go by JD." she told him. "For John Doe. It's what the police call unidentified men they find."

Dodge took in what she said, though the only part that really rang home was that he could be replaced. There was still status, and in some ways he was still known, maybe not by those who weren't on his playing field, but those who were, they knew him. Still, she had a point. 'Dodge' was in many way as a persona, nothing more, nothing less. If he went missing? If he died? Who's to say there wouldn't be another Prince of Thieves, or worse another Dodge? Frowning again he looked away, then back at her. "You know I've heard that before, about how it will get me killed," he told her, even though it wasn't really addressing what she said. "Though the last one, he thought I was mob, or I wanted to be mob, which I'm not. Guess I didn't think much of it because of that." Hearing it twice though, especially from someone who didn't have a daughter for him to corrupt, Dodge took it in a little better. "John Doe huh? Guess that's what they'd tag me as anyway huh?" JD. He didn't hate it, that much he had to admit.

"Perhaps you should start listening better to what people tell you." Zhen said. "And if you're calling yourself a Prince, then it could well get the attention of the mob, especially if you're mistaken for it. The mob don't like it when people edge in on their territory, and believe me, dear, if they took one look at you? They'd order you taken out and possibly everyone under you as well, just to be rid of a minor bit of trouble. Why let you grow large enough to become a real problem? It would be much easier to take you out, and be done with the entire thing. Think about that, when you go declaring yourself royalty. There are people much bigger and far more ruthless around. Fish that will eat you in the pond you're playing in." she advised. She knew her father would put up with it for all of no time. "And yes, that would be how you'd be tagged." she confirmed for him. "You'd be John Doe with a number attached. But don't make yourself a number. Just be John Doe. Be JD. Forget Dodge. His life seems to have gone in directions that aren't working. Lay him to rest. Become someone new, someone better."

Dodge wanted to point out that they hadn't come for him yet, but things had changed. Months ago, they would have come for Patrick, back then he was just Patrick's piece to be moved about. Now Dodge supposed he was the mastermind of things, which meant he went from being the pawn, to the target. "I'm starting to listen," he told Zhen and he meant it. Business as usual wasn't the same when he was in charge. At her suggestion though he felt himself get defensive, even if he didn't want to be. "I don't know if I can. The idea of going backwards like that, of completely changing...Can a person even do that?" Could he do that? It sounded easier when Zhen said it, just becoming someone else, leaving who he was behind, but it was easier said than done.

"It isn't backwards." Zhen told him. "It's starting new. There's a big difference. Backwards is impossible. There never is any actual backtracking. What is done is done. But that doesn't mean you can't change your future, it doens't mean you can't jump to a new track." she explained. "As for if a person can do that, yes, they can. You just need to want it bad enough. You have to commit to it. Again, no half measures. You have to decide it's what you want and fully, unflinchingly go forward. You have that arrogance about you--use that in a positive way. Change it. Use it to give yourself the confidence to move forward, with a new life, a new identity, a new you. If you fancied yourself prince, then you should be able to fancy yourself a decent human being with friends and loved ones that you treat well, and who treat you well. The harder path is the one you're actually on now. Changing your life, that will be easiest in the end. Everything is always easier when you've got people to share in with you. When you have help along the way, when you don't have to work so hard at everything."

Jumping tracks sounded dangerous to Dodge, even if he didn't know much about trains. He pulled the fedora off his head, turning it over once or twice while he thought about what she was suggesting. "Dodge would cease to exist. Or at least in person..." That sounded terrifying, permanent, no matter how he worded it. He put the fedora back on his head pulling it low on his brow like he typically wore it. "It'd have to be quick too? Not a gradual shift from one person to the other." He understood what she meant about having people in his life, though changing who he was felt like he was letting them go, pushing the last remaining few away. "I wouldn't even know where to start," he finally admitted.

"Dodge would cease to exist." Zhen confirmed for him, nodding. "And the best way to do something is to go for a clean break. Half measures versus whole measures, again. As for where to start, this whole prince of thieves thing. If you're changing who you are, going a different way, then you need to figure out where you'd like to be. What is it you would want?" she asked.

"Could I think about it? Or would I have to do it before I start fixing things?" Dodge had spent most of the day considering new names, but he'd not considered a complete change. Maybe just establishing some part of him that wasn't always Dodge, like how Roach wasn't always Roach or Maddy wasn't always DG. "I like what I am though. I mean, I realize the title and the arrogance are an issue, but I am very good at what I do. I enjoy it." He was, after all, a master pickpocket.

"Is there something constructive, or different you could do with it?" Zhen asked. "And you can start fixing things while in the process of reinventing yourself." she said. "And if you reconsile with people, they could help you with that transition."

"Most of what I steal goes towards what we need for the group. It's not like I keep anything of worth," Dodge pointed out, not sure if that was what Zhen meant by doing something constructive with being a thief. He breathed a little easier at what she said, that he could continue down a better path without having to completely change who he was just yet. "So I start making things better, and then when I'm ready, I kill Dodge off?"

"The group?" Zhen asked, since that seemed fairly important.

"Hm?" Dodge asked at first, not sure what Zhen was asking for a moment. "The boys," he explained, realizing that she didn't know. "There's quite a few of them, about ten or so in the inner circle, they live with me, but the who group sort of expands past that. It's like a band of merry men or the lost boys or something. We live together, we take care of each other."

Zhen nodded. "And you feel that leading small children into a life of crime and poverty, which will likely end in sickness, death and if not that prison later is a good course of action?" she asked, tone light. "Peter Pan was a story, JD. Just a story."

Dodge shrugged a little, covering up the surprise at hearing his new 'name' used. "It's better than starving right? We're family. Most of those kids? They got left behind because their families didn't want them. With us, they have a home, people who care about them." That didn't really make up for the life of crime he supposed but it was at the root of why they were together, why he'd agreed to band them together for Patrick in the first place.

"There's a city orphanage for children of that nature. They wouldn't starve to death there. They're more likely to starve to death or freeze to death, or get taken off the streets by bad people who want to do bad things to them than if they were there." she told him. "There's a larger picture here, a wider view. What you're doing isn't the right thing for them, even if it feels like it is." she told him, tone quite gentle there.

"The orphanage isn't that much better," Dodge countered, but whatever else he had to say was caught in his throat at her next point. He'd always thought his boys were safer with him and Patrick than they were on their own, but what she suggested could happen did happen. To almost all of them. "I can't just leave them," he pointed out. They relied on him now, they were his.

"You wouldn't have to." Zhen said. "You could visit them, bring them things. Don't abandon them, but bring them someplace where they're going to have a chance in life, and where they're not bait for terrible people, and automatically going to be criminals. It won't end well, sweetheart." she told him, again, very very gentle with it. She even reached out to put a hand on his back, to comfort him.

"So I just drop them off at the orphanage and wish them luck? I can't...no that doesn't feel right at all," Dodge shook his head against it, but he didn't move away from Zhen's touch. It did what she wanted, comforted him, but it didn't make what he was considering any easier. "That's just putting them through being abandoned all over again. What kind of person does that?"

"You're being difficult. I said you could visit them. It isn't as if they're under lock and key." Zhen told him. "They'd be fed, housed, clothed, and they could see you every day if you wanted to see them every day." she continued, keeping her hand on his back. She reached out and tipped his face up so she could meet his eyes. "The kind of person who wants what's best for them. People who are unselfish and truly care make the hard decisions. I'm not saying it's easy and I can see how hard this is on you. But don't do this to a bunch of children. It won't go well. Peter Pan was just a story. Nothing really works like that. Even if you want it to."

"But they have that now, I give them that." Or he tried to at least. Dodge wanted so bad to be the person she was describing, that unselfish guy who would break his own heart a million times over to protect them, but he wasn't sure he could do it. They were all he had left. "They'll think of it as a betrayal," Dodge said, pulling away from where she'd caught his chin and taking a step or two away. "They're all I have." Reaching up he swatted at his eyes a little, hating that he was close to visibly displaying the devastation he was feeling.

She didn't try to draw him back, and clasped her hands together lightly. "They're children." she said. "And they're all going to be hurt if you continue. You won't keep them all healthy and happy. You'll lose them, in terrible ways. And not even just to bad people. They'll get twisted, dear. If they grow up in the environment you're describing, they're not going to have any morality. I'd venture a guess that it's why you're like you are right now. Do you want them becoming you?" she asked. "Where their loved ones are telling them they're treated like whores? Where they push everyone away, and that's not even talking about society as a whole, who will view each of them as criminals before they even know that a criminal is?" She kept her eyes on him. "And as I've said before--you would still see them, every day."

If someone had asked him yesterday if he wanted his boys to be like him, he would have said yes in a heartbeat. Now, now he was sure that wasn't right. He moved away from Zhen again, pacing for a moment or two. He didn't want any of those things for them, but he didn't want them to be gone either. "How?" he finally asked, stopping his pacing and looking at Zhen.

She let him walk away, and stayed right where she was, waiting patiently. "How what?" she asked, as if anything he could possibly ask her, she would have an answer for.

Dodge didn't answer for a moment, not sure how to word what he wanted to say. "How do I get them to go to the orphanage. I don't...I have to tell them to don't I?"

Zhen considered that for a long moment before she answered him. "You do it that way, or you have them rounded up by a third party and brought in. If you had them all in at wherever you're staying, and in the very early morning had the police come and collect them, it could be done that way." she told him, presenting another option. "That's up to you." she continued. "Just remind yourself that it's for the best for them. And even if they don't like things now, later they will."

He felt his knees give a little, and his stomach turn over, but Dodge managed to remain standing. "A raid? On my own home? I'd have to be dead to let that..." He trailed off for a moment, looking away from her, then back again. "I would be though. Or could be. It would...set it up well wouldn't it?" The rumor could spread, and his boys could be safe. And Dodge would cease to exist.

Nodding, Zhen watched him putting it all together. He was a sharp thing, when he wanted to be, she could see that. "It would be a clean break. And if they did think you were gone, they could move on with their lives, and not entertain going looking for you." she added. Which would likely be the best course of action for them. She'd merely told him he could see them for his own benefit.

"And if I did see them again, like you suggested, then it'd be easier to explain why I can't spring them, why we can't start again," he added, hating the idea of not seeing them again. She'd said he could. Already he was piecing it together. Corey, she could help spread the rumor for him, maybe Pepper too and it wasn't hard to leave an anonymous tip at the police station. "It still makes me sick," he told her, pain evident in his eyes.

"Correct." She told him, nodding again. "You can see the lines. You can follow this through." she encouraged. "You can put this together. And I know it's upsetting. I understand that. I really do. But if you truly want what's best for them--and I believe you do--then this is what you do, JD."

Dodge nodded, not as shocked to hear the new name used. Maybe he was already getting used to it. "Then all that's left is figuring out who JD is."

Zhen smiled. "Yes, and you can do that in time. You can do that, hopefully with help from your loved ones. Maddy, after you go through with your apologies and all. And I'll help you with everyone else, too." she added, since she'd decided to be invested here, so she was in for the long haul. It was just kind of what Zhen did.

He nodded again, though the sad exterior wasn't gone. He hated this. He understood it, but he hated it. "Roach is the other big one," Dodge told her moving back towards her. "This was him," he added pointing to the bruise on his face.

Looking at the shiner, Zhen nodded. "Do you know what I see?" she asked. then she answered before he had to ask. "I see a single blow. You've got other injuries, but they're a little more faded than that one." she said. "He only hit you the once?" she asked. "If he only did that, then there's hope." she told him. "Tell me about him and what happened." she said, starting them back over like she had walked him through with Maddy. That, and she started them walking again.

"You're right, he only hit me once," Dodge agreed, falling into step alongside Zhen, not caring again where they were headed. "It's enough because he's never hit me before. Not like that at least," he added feeling like it was important. "He's part of my gang, has been for years. He's our muscle. He's been disagreeing with how things have gone lately, what I've been up to, especially where Maddy is concerned and it came to a head. He hit me. Then told me he was moving out because he couldn't do it anymore."

"Considering your gang is going to be disbanded, will that not take care of this problem?" she asked, since so far as he was talking, the boy was just another member of the gang, a lieutenant. Or some approximation thereof.

"It'll take care of some of it, but he's also my friend. One of my best friends. And he's pretty fed up with me at the moment," Dodge pointed out. The changes he was going to put into motion though, those would certainly help the issues with Roach. Dodge couldn't lead the boys into destruction if he wasn't leading them anymore. And if he apologized to Maddy, promised to treat her better and actually followed through, that would fix that as well.

"Ah." Zhen said in understanding. "Then yes, that's an issue." she said. "What's he been taking issue with specifically? Considering we're rewriting your entire life, your behavior will alter, and that may be good enough. Still, I would let him know. Invite him to help you. Tell him the truth--that you need his help and guidance." she added, since if the other boy had seen the mistakes there, then he'd be able to help, most certainly.

"Maddy would be a big part, what happened there. I think he's holding a torch for her," Dodge explained, frowning as he went. "I'm not sure how he'd feel about sending the kids back to the orphanage. He was there and broke out. I'd hate for that to make things worse really." Dodge had to guess Maddy might feel the same way, considering how much she'd hated that place as well.

"Then do that before you speak to him, and if you need explain everything in the same way as I have to you, and the event of Dodge's untimely 'death' and everything that involves, then do so. Just make sure it happens after the deed is done. If you need to direct him to me, you can as well. But I think you'll be able to explain things. I think you understand." she told him, gently encouraging. "As for things with Maddy, you'll be working towards changing that as well. Tell him he was right as well, and you're working your hardest to change it all, and need his help and guidance to do that. Tell him he knew better all along, and therefore you're going to listen to his advisement from here out. Then all you have to do is keep your word."

"I think I understand too," Dodge said, and hoped he was right. It would be awful if he did all this for the wrong reasons. He was quiet for a few more steps, rethinking the plans he was laying out and what needed to be done and when. "Why are you helping?" he asked suddenly, though it wasn't toned as an accusation.

"It's what I do." Zhen told him, being honest. "I redirect lost souls. I initiate change in people's lives, so they're full, not shadow lives. You're living a shadow life. You're a lost soul. Therefore you fall within my jurisdiction as it were." She gave a light smile. "I want to."

"That's an interesting type of business to be in," Dodge admitted. "It's appreciated though. I haven't actually thanked you yet." It was an honest statement. Even though most of what they'd spoken about had been hard for him to wrap his head around, he was still glad there'd been someone to talk to. "I might have continued to wander lost for a long while."

"I don't require thanks." Zhen told him. "Just follow through. That'll be more than enough." she smiled. She was being honest, too. She never really went for payback, really. It all evened out in the end. "You won't have to now, though, JD. So do things well. Follow through." She looked up the street where she'd been leading them. "Right up there is an art supply store. We're going to go in, and buy as much painting supplies as we can carry, for Maddy. Then we're going to go back to my place, and work on that letter." she told him. "Sound acceptable?"

Dodge's eyes followed where she directed, realizing for the first time that they weren't anywhere near where he normally spent his time. He glanced back at Zhen, wary again to take her charity, but she'd invested herself in this, and he wanted to follow through. He wanted to fix it. "Sounds great," he told her. "Lead the way."

"That's the spirit." Zhen told him, warm and encouraging. Then she led him to the store, planning to keep up her end of the bargain. Possibly and then some, depending on how things went. She was determined, and she'd taken an active interest here so she was going to follow his story to see where the chapters led.