not an easy fix

Who: Dodge and Maddy
Where: Dodge's Apartment
When: Early Hours of the Morning

Maddy's feet hurt, but that was more from standing in damn heels all night than it was about just generally running around the Kitten Club on her first night of work. She wouldn't admit that she had been nervous, her stomach in knots in the hours before starting that very first shift but after clocking out and leaving? She felt good. Accomplished. Was this was people worked? That first job, that first night earning some money?

Dawn had been creeping on the city when she left the club, walking aimlessly down the street without a jacket. That was on the list of things to buy with her next check: An appropriate coat. But she had her gloves and she could ignore the cold for awhile. And as she walked, she considered her night. For awhile it had been hectic and stressful, getting bumped into by people not looking where they were going, but the girls who worked there had liked her, dragging her back into the dressing rooms before the club 'opened'.

Usually, Maddy would've been annoyed, but 'Clara' had liked it. They sat her in front of the dressing tables, discussing what they could do with her 'beautiful blonde hair -- I wish I had hair that nice'. They ended up focusing more on make up though, taking those signs of adulthood in her face and playing it up. Red lipstick that she had wiped off but still stained her lips a darker pink. Kohl liner around her big blue eyes and mascara. That was a little harder to wipe off blindly without ending up looking like a raccoon so she left it.

All in all, it had been nice. And she thought she looked nice. The poking and prodding had been different from when she'd gone to... that place. It was friendly and companionable, like she had a slew of older sisters who brought her into their 'girl time'.

There was just one thing left that could make or break her first night of work.

And so Maddy found herself standing outside of Dodge's apartment building as people were beginning to start their days. With the heels, she couldn't stand on the fire hydrant, so she leaned against a lamppost instead, considering what to do. She didn't want to walk up there by herself and have a door slammed in her face, but how else was she going to speak to Dodge.

So she was just standing there in the cold for the past twenty minutes staring up at his window trying to psychically command him to wake up and come down to talk to her. Maddy missed him. She felt terrible for what she said to him, the look on his face... and she needed to fix it.

Dodge was up with dawn. He'd been busy after dropping Jessie off at her door, talking to boys, cashing in a few favors to help Pepper out. There were still a few more he needed to recruit, those who wouldn't help out until unless others were on board. It was tiring, dealing with people like this, making bargains and more, but it was distracting. It distracted him from losing Maddy, from Evie's date last night.

Not long after Maddy had settled herself in to wait for him, Dodge emerged with Mud and Roach in tow. While the other boys looked tired, Dodge looked forever like the Prince of Thieves. He was dressed in one of his best suits, the fedora in its perfect perch on his head. Focused he didn't notice Maddy, bu Roach did, elbowing Dodge slightly and pointing in her direction. Frowning he made his way down the stairs, motioning for Roach and Mud to head out of earshot, just a little down the street. "Are you lost?" he asked her when he was close enough, evident that he wasn't happy to see her.

Are you lost? What a question. Her heart had started pounding when he came out with his boys, her stomach knotted and she told herself it was because she was nervous. Apologizing to someone with an ego like Dodge's (an ego like hers) meant that the other one had to 'man up' and pretty much grovel. And the absolute worse thing about it was that Dodge had been right.

About everything.

"Lost usually goes hand in hand with broken, doesn't it?" she said softly, meeting his eyes. She wanted to throw herself at him and hold on and never, ever let go, but she had to apologize.

"Not always. Sometimes you're just where you're not supposed to be." Dodge hated this. He hated being harsh with her, but she'd made her choice, Pepper had confirmed enough without actually confirming it. And Maddy couldn't just show up like this and wait for him, that made it too hard to be angry with her.

The words like here felt implied to Maddy but she wasn't going to back down. She was tired of feeling like that. Of being scared. At least he wasn't walking away though. Not like last time. "That day," The day I went there. "I was lost. I don't know how I got there. And you were right. About how stupid and silly and just..." She found it suddenly hard to talk, so she stopped. Maddy fiddled with the bottom of her black vest, trying to clear her throat and ignore anything weird about how her eyes were feeling. "I was terrible to you and I'm.... I should never have said any of those things to you. They were so... I'm sorry." There. She got it out and was still looking at him, refusing to blink because if she closed her eyes, she was going to start crying or something and she had no idea what was going to happen if she did that and if Dodge walked away, she wasn't sure what she'd do.

For what it was worth Dodge listened. Every comment brought a little twitch to his eye, a slight falter in his composure. He'd wanted her to apologize, to tell him she was right and he was glad she was here doing it now. The problem was, all he could think was too little, too late. If it had been a different day, had things not been so uncomplicated with Jessie. Had Evie not turned him down for a guy she hadn't even gone out with yet. Maybe he would have been more forgiving. Then again he might not have been. No, what she'd said, that had hurt. It had eaten at him after she'd said it. It wasn't the kind of thing that just got wiped away with an 'I'm sorry" and a face that looked like it might cry. No, she'd said it because some part of her had meant it. So even if she'd seen the error in her ways, Dodge wasn't ready to trust her again. "And?" he finally asked, raising one eyebrow and crossing his arms over his chest.

Maddy ran her tongue across her teeth, hands still tugging at her vest. Part of her had hoped the 'I'm sorry' would've sufficed, that it would've been okay, but she knew that it wasn't. She pushed off the lamp post, taking a hesitant couple of steps closer to him. Close enough that if she reached out she could touch him. Close enough that she had to tilt her head back, but still far enough away that he could still walk away and she was too scared to come any closer. "I don't..." She was trembling, from the cold and from her nerves, from trying to hold herself together. She didn't think she'd feel this upset when she apologized to him but she was. "I don't like thinking about living my life without you there. I don't want to be some whore kept in a room... I don't want..." She swallowed harshly. "I never went back there. I pick you. I'd rather be poor and living in an attic with you in my life than miserable and broken without you."

Dodge was still slow to answer, his hands flexing on his crossed arms. She was saying what he wanted to hear yes, the exact words, that she'd picked him. But he couldn't believe her, not yet. He wanted to, but before...she'd been too harsh. That cut was too deep. Looking past her, over her head, Dodge considered what to say, how to say it. "It's not that easy DG," he finally started, using her street name, both due to where they were and to make a point. "What you said? Part of you meant it. And maybe that part's back to normal now, but I'm not so sure." Dodge paused, chewing on his lip. "Words aren't gonna make it all better."

She flinched visibly when he called her 'DG'. She couldn't help it. She got it. "I've never fucked anyone before either. I've never whored myself out before. You're the only one whose ever been in my bed." She was quiet, whens he said this, so the guys couldn't hear what she was saying. What she was saying, it wasn't outright what she was pretty positive she felt deep down. It wasn't outright saying that she wanted him to be jealous. Maddy couldn't bare her soul to him that much. What was going on in that moment was too fragile and if he was still going to walk away, she needed enough of herself left to put the pieces back together.

Maddy took another step closer, the smell honeysuckle tinged slightly with cigarette smoke invading his space and she slowly took her gloves off, dropping them to the ground. Her hands were small, and she looked down at them. "You're the only guy who ever took my gloves off. The only guy I ever let do that." She wondered if she should kiss him or if he'd shove her away.

He'd looked away again, to that same spot over her head when she said those things. She was giving him another set of answers he'd wanted, things he'd needed to hear. So much of him wanted to believe her, wanted to drag her into his arms and never let her go, he just couldn't. He didn't want her moving closer, close enough to smell that mixture of whatever coming off her. He didn't want her standing there, waiting for him to just pretend he wasn't hurt. She'd do it to him, but he wouldn't lie to her like that. "I know," he told her even if he hadn't, voice slightly softer than it was before. It meant more than the just literal situation, and Dodge knew that too. "I can't ignore it. You have to prove it first." Taking a small step back so he couldn't smell her, he let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "You should go home, it's freezing out here."

It was, and unlike him, she wasn't wearing a jacket and pants, her short black skirt and stockings doing little against the cold. "I don't know what else you want me to do," she whispered, sounding very lost and vulnerable. She was confused. He said that she could pick him or pick the brothel. Well, she thought she was quite clear when she said she picked him. "I just told you that I picked you. That I never went back to that place. I told you -- Dodge?"

"And I told you I need time," Dodge said, sounding frustrated, hurt. "I can't just pretend it didn't happen." One hand clenched into a fist this time, the urge to give in worse than before, with her sounding like that. "Go home Maddy," he whispered, not even sure if she'd hear him, his eyes dropping to the small patch of ground between them. "You'll get sick again."

She did, having turned her head enough to get her good ear in the right direction. "I'm not asking for that," she said, even though that's what she was trying to do herself. Pretend it didn't happen. Fuck, was she starting to cry? Dammit. She took a deep, shuddering breath before clenching her jaw to keep herself together. "I want my bed back today." But he wasn't looking at her and Maddy spared a glance at Roach and Mud, still standing a little ways down the block. "I'll see you." It was quiet and she turned away, bending down to snatch up her gloves, pulling them back on.

"Yea, maybe," he told her, not committing either way. He was busy today. Getting the bed back would take time and depending on how things went with Pepper, he still promised Jessie he'd walk her home again. There was a lot to do, a lot that wasn't like pouring salt on the wound that Maddy had left there. One hand came out to catch her, drag her back, but reason stepped in over instinct and he never touched her. "I'll be seeing ya," he told her, setting the fedora low on his brow and starting off towards his boys.