One windy winter day...

who: helena and jesse
where: her place
when: mid day

So, Jesse was having a bad day. Or, if he was being really specific, he'd been having a string of them. And sure, he'd met a nice girl, Anya was cool and all, but he'd also taken a few hits for her which meant his eye was still black, and a few of his ribs were still sore. Then of course there was the 'finding a crazy killer's victim' of it all. That really hadn't worked out for him. He'd wound up leaving Jessie a note to tell her she needed to be in before dark. Like, all the time now. No exceptions. Sure, he'd had loose rules like that in place anyways, but this was serious. In fact, he still didn't even know what to do about it.

Either way, however, he was stopping by Helena's place. He had a little cash he was planning on dropping into the mail slot for her. He did that now and then, when he could afford to, and alright, at the moment he couldn't, but that was hardly the point. After seeing that girl dead the night before, he really had the burning desire to check up on every girl he knew, and he'd already done so with his sisters and mom, and of course his baby girl. He'd dropped by to talk to Veronica, but she hadn't been in, and he wasn't sure yet where to find Anya, so he'd have to hunt her down another time, but Helena...he knew where to find her. She just didn't happen to be in. Like she never was when he went to drop off things to her.

They'd spoken after everything went down, after Eddie had died, and he'd still been laid up by the gunshot wound through his thigh, that he still had a bit of a limp from unless he was concentrating on hiding it. The talk had not gone well. She blamed him, and well. He couldn't blame her for that, because he blamed himself too. It wouldn't be exactly fair to be pissed she'd laid it all at his feet when he did already, so yeah. He hadn't put up much of a fight on things. But that also didn't mean that he'd written her off or stopped thinking about her. She was his friend's girl, and he wasn't around to look after her anymore, it was the least he could do to look in on her himself.

Exhaling a sigh as he stood straight from dropping cash through the mail slot, Jesse stood back and hunched his shoulders against the wicked wind that was whipping through the city today. At least it isn't raining. he thought, turning to head back down the stairs outside her apartment, but he stopped as he saw a figure at the bottom of them.

"You sure are persistent...if nothing else." Came her voice up the stairs, chilly like the winter wind that blew against them. Curiously, it wasn't tinged with anything sarcastic. She sounded resolved to this meeting as if she knew someday it was meant to happen.

She started moving up the stairs. Her fingers, dotted with ruby red nailpolish, tugged her blue woolen coat tighter as she climbed to prevent the cold from sneaking under and nipping at her delicate parts. When she got to the top she looked up at him from mascara frosted lashes. Her eyes squinted as she studied his bruise like a concerned nurse. Her hand reaching up and her forefinger and thumb clutching his chin so she could turn his head this way and that to get a better look at the shiner. She clicked her tongue and then let him go.

"I suppose I should say thank you." She looked past his shoulder to the door, knowing there would be money on the other side. She smashed her lips together, lubrictating them against the freshly applied lipstick as she prepared her mouth for what was to follow, "So...Thank you."

Perhaps that should have been the end of it. Another day it probably would have been. She would have pushed by him and gone inside and counted the money he'd left. Helena would have resented the charity as much as she relied on it but today she felt cheritable herself. Maybe it was because he looked beat. "Come on Jesse. I'll make you a cup of coffee if you'd like." She moved past him, taking her key out of her pocket and prepared to insert it in the lock.

I'm positive you have a whole lot of something elses that I fall under the heading of, darlin. Jesse thought but didn't share. Instead, he stayed where he was, sort of half wondering what to do. He noted that at least she wasn't being bitingly sarcastic at him and hey, she hadn't thrown anything either. of course, she might not have anything on her to throw.

Then she got closer, and moved his face around, which he let her do. He was sort of half surprised she didn't decide that she ought to slap him on the bruised side of his face, so maybe there was progress! Or...something. "I'm fine..." he mumbled to her, even if she hadn't asked. He was surprised as she asked him in. Enough that he blinked at her while her back was turned, but then he recovered. "Yeah, I...sure." he landed on. "...and you know I never asked for thanks." he told her, shifting to stand where he could block the wind from her while she unlocked the door.

"No...you never asked. That's not why I'm saying thank you." There was a pause and then, "You don't have to stop by Jesse. I don't expect you to take care of me." Helena inserted the key and then fought with turning it in the lock before it finally relented and twisted. She was grateful she had something to focus on so she wouldn't have to talk directly to him. Seeing him hurt. There were so many memories attached to Jesse and all of them involved Eddie.

She grasped the door knob and the door opened with a creak. It wasn't the lap of luxury here but it was all she could afford. Once she was in, she scooped up the envelope he'd left and discreetly carried it with her to the small eat in kitchen. The kitchen was old, worn in but a sunny yellow and she'd decorated it with panache. It smelled like cinnamon; She used potpourri.

She placed the envelope on the table and pulled out the percolator from the cabinet nearby. It was up high and she reached for it on her tippy toes, barely getting at it with the tips of her fingers. Helena didn't make coffee regularly- that much was obvious. While she put it together and got the cannister of coffee she was quiet as a mouse, not really sure how to proceed. "How's Jessie?" She finally started, turning the gas on the stove and placing the percolator on the flame.

He walked in and shut the door behind himself, shrugging his coat off while he was at it. He glanced around taking the place in, noticing that it was a lot more feminine than when she'd had a place with Eddie. Following her, he almost reached up to get the coffee pot for her but in the end didn't, instead he leaned back against one of the counters, hands resting on it on either side of him as he kept his green eyes trained on her. "She's good. Still working on that car of hers, hanging out with her aunts, doing well in school." he reported, glad to have that subject to talk about at least for a second. It kept him from jumping straight into 'how are you doing really' which he was sure was going to go over stunningly badly.

Now that the percolator was going she took care of herself, removing her gloves and then her jacket. She'd felt prickly being this close to someone she had tried to ignore for as long as she could stand it. She hung her coat on the stand and folded the gloves and put them on the key shelf.

"I never understood why a young girl would find cars interesting. So greasy. Her hands must be a mess. How does she stand it?" She glanced down at her own hands, dainty and soft like a womans hands should be. That was the feminine side of her, that old fashioned way that was befitting of the lady she always dreamed she'd become someday. She'd tried so hard to make that dream a reality. "You must be proud she's so independent." She added, not wanting to make it seem she was being judgmental. She fidgeted, the full skirt of her periwinkle dress swaying as she did.

"She likes figuring out how things work." Jesse answered, knowing that about his daughter. "She needs to get inside it, take it apart and put it back together again. Sometimes that's messy. But don't worry, she's got one of my sisters telling her she should be a more proper lady." he told Helena with a light little smirk. "But yeah, I'm proud she's got a mind of her own and isn't afraid to speak it. Mostly I'm just worried about when she starts bringing boys home. But I have a shotgun, so I'm prepared." he said, and while his tone was joking and laid back--he did have a shotgun, and if any little punk ass was going to be near his daughter he was going to be quite clear on the rules of hands the hell off.

"Well it's important to know a trade I suppose." She wrung her hands together and then took a seat at the small table in the middle of the room finally folding her hands so she wouldn't look as nervous as she felt. "and don't be too forthright with your shotgun. You don't want to mortify her for goodness sake...."

Then, more silence.

She could have asked about his family but it felt strange, almost vicarious to chatter on about people she hardly knew. It made her feel lonely and lately the bite of that realization had been brutely evident. The Holidays had been torture. Helena was stubborn.

"No, I just want to make sure that any boy near her knows if he touches my daughter he's going to be picking buckshot out of his ass with tweezers for a month." Jesse said. Because he was a massively overprotective father, that was for sure. He quirked a little half smile at her as she fell silent, and he exhaled, reaching up to drag his fingers through his hair a moment. "Helena, if you want me to go, I can, I just...wanted to check on you. See how you were." he admitted, figuring he could cut right to the chase and not make her miserable. That wasn't his intent.

Helena made a shelf of her hand for her chin and stared over at the percolator that was just starting to pop with coffee. She took a long moment, an awkward moment, before she allowed herself to flick her gaze back up at Jesse. "You think that will make me feel better? Knowing I have you as my gaurdian angel. Is that who you think you are. You'll solve everything right?" She hrmmed, her face clouded over with uncertainty and misery. Everything they were hoping to avoid. " and then what? You'll keep paying me...keep trying to take care of things like you owe me or like you owe him. I don't think he cares any more. He doesn't feel anything. He's dead Jesse. I don't want you. I want Eddie."

Unable to keep still she stood and went over to the stove top. The coffee probably wasn't ready yet but she needed to do something with her hands. She reached for pot without an oven mitt and the handle was hot. As soon as she wrapped her fingers around the plastic of the percolator she released it, clenched her burnt palm into a fist and hissed with pain. "I need to get'em Jesse. I need to find out how this happened....why it did."

Well, Jesse had had a whole lot to say to her, but then she burned her hand and that became top priority. So he blinked, and quickly turned the cold water on in the sink, then reached over, grabbed her upper arm, and he pulled her over, taking her hand and holding it under the cold water. "Jesus, Helena..." he breathed, looking at her with a frown of concern, from much closer up than he'd been in a long while. "I'm not your guardian angel. I'm not an angel period. We both know that." he said first, wanting to get that out there right damn now. "And I'm not paying you. I'm just...looking out for you. Maybe I owe you both. You and him. I just know that he'd look in on my family for me if I were gone, and I'm not going to turn my back on his just because he isn't around to bitch about it." he continued.

Looking at her wrist as he held it, still holding her hand under the water, he watched the red stand out brightly. "I know I'm not even a comaprison, I'm not trying to be, darlin." he said, tone more quiet. "And don't talk like that. Getting who? We don't even know what really went wrong." Wow did he ever not like the idea of her going all vigilante on anyone. That just seemed like such a fantastically bad plan.

Her heart was beating so ferociously that she felt the color drain from her face and knees shake as she stood beside herself, looking at the scene from a detached point of view. His hand on her arm, the jolt of the cold water on her burn made her feel light headed and off. "I'm fine." She repeated his words from earlier. "I hardly feel it. Let go of me."

"and, don't tell me. You know who, god damn it, Jesse. He was going to make it if they hadn't come in and finished him off. He was doing good...Eddie would have pulled through..." She figured she might as well of been talking to someone deaf. "Why do they get to get away with it?"

Jesse let go, but he hovered close, looking at her. She didn't look good. Kinda pale. Had she been eating? He didn't know; he just thought she needed something. What, he wasn't sure. Yes you do. She needs Eddie. She's just dead. he reminded himself. He was quiet for a moment as she snapped at him, and he just watched her.

"Helena, sit down." he said, starting to gently guide her to a kitchen chair. "You don't look so good. Humor me." he added on the end there, so she could blame him and just say she was doing it because he was insisting, not because she needed to. "I don't know why they do. Or who did it, or what happened." Or, for that matter, if anything did, and he didn't just die of his injuries. He heavily suspected, sure, and he imagined Helena had to believe there was someone to blame. Well. Other than him.

She allowed him to guide her; maybe she should sit down. So sit down she did. The coffee was boiling now. "Can you turn off the burner." It needed to percolate for 6 minutes. That was the magic number.

"Don't look at me like that Jesse." She swept a lock of her styled blonde hair away from her face with her burn free hand. She felt like he was dismissing the issue...dismissing her abilities. Not that he had much to go on regarding what she was capable of.

"What do you think Eddie would have done if he found me dead?" It was a hypothetical question. They both knew what would have happened and Eddie wouldn't have waited 6 months to do it.

"You like hiding out like a rat? You like worrying about your daughter...worrying if they're gonna get to her and when?" She softened then, just a smidge but it wouldn't do for her to get marshmallow now. "I have nothing to lose and I'm not asking your permission Jess."

Jesse went to go turn the burner off on the coffee, and he felt, as she continued speaking, like someone had opened up his chest and dumped ice water down inside. He stilled, and listened, and then slowly turned back to her. Especially when she brought up Jessie. But the worst part was she was talking to him like he knew who 'they' were, and he flat out didn't. He'd never got the full story as to what the fuck was up with Eddie and what he was doing that he needed the help. He'd never got the actual basis. "....'they' who, Helena?" he asked, tone just barely above a whisper, deceptively light.

"I don't know..." The words pushed out with a defeated sigh. She was looking right through him, her eyes pooled as she held back the tears;frustration threatened to flood her reserve. Helena had thought Jesse had known something, more that Eddie ever let her in on. He was protective. "He worked with the O'Malley's." She sank back against the back of her chair, shrinking into herself because the O'Malley's weren't exactly the apple dumpling gang. They were perfectly capable of disposing of a nobody like Eddie. "I know he was in trouble but he never served me the whole dish. I was hoping he told you something..."

"What?" Jesse hissed. "The fucking--" he stopped, walking a few steps away before turning back to her. "The O'Malley's? As in the fucking mob?" he continued. Yeppers, this was news to him. "Jesus, Helena, and you never thought this was pertinent for me to know after wards? Is that why he--" he stopped again, dragging his fingers through his hair again as he fought the urge to leave this second, and start looking into how to change his baby girl's name and everything. "You knew he was in trouble, did you. Really, what was your first clue?" he asked. "Don't even try to sell me on the fact that you didn't know shit, Helena, you had Eddie wrapped around your finger, we both know that. You said jump he asked how goddamn high. If he was in on shit, he would have told you." he said, looking back at her. Hell, Eddie'd never been the sharpest tool in the shed, she could even have had something to do with it. Helena had always been one sharp cookie, he knew she was. He looked like he was going to say more, but walked away again. "Fuck." he said with feeling.

"I thought you knew...I thought he would have told you." Helena started to answer but Jesse was ranting and deep down she knew he was right.

Her hands fell to her lap, her fingers fidgeted with the fabric of her skirt as she tried to keep herself afloat in all the hot water. "I didn't know everything Jesse. I knew that the job he was planning with you was supposed to be the last one, his shovel so he could dig himself out." Her eyes flashed fire heat and her body went rigid. She felt prickly and he was the only one she could stick needles into. "Like you said, you're no angel. You took the bait like a hungry little guppy. You can't tell me you participated just to be generous. Eddie dangled the promise of money and you bit off more than you could chew. Just like me and him."

Helena let go of her skirt and prodded the burn on her hand gingerly. She winced when she discovered it was tender but it hardly seemed to affect her past that, " What happened is history Jesse. I can't change it. I can only change the future."

"You thought I knew? Jesus, if I'd known I would have found another way!" Jesse said, still pacing a little. "I don't know what the fuck I would have come up with, but I definitely would have found something else!" He'd always stayed clear of any mob dealings. Always. He'd never in his life wanted to get into that shit because all it would lead to was trouble, and he had a lot of people he cared about that would be really prominent lynchpins. They'd be able to run over him like nothing and he knew it. Plus, people got dead when you fucked around with the mafia. It was just how it happened. They didn't like to settle things with some strong language and a threat to do better next time;if you didn't fall in line, you got killed, or someone close to you did.

When Helena threw the accusation of him being after money at him he rounded on her eyes narrowed, dark. Like his expression which was downright blindly pissed at that. "Do not even go there, Helena. No. I got in on this because you said the word. Eddie left and you begged and I gave in. I didn't want the fucking money. A bank job? You know me. I don't go in for anything that fucking dangerous especially not with--that's it, I'm the fuck out of here. You can go ahead and tell me you can't change the past, Helena, but you seem to have one fucked up version of it in your head, and I'm done. Fuck you." he snapped, "Have fun fucking drowning in your little dream world where you're some innocent fucking victim and everyone else is apparently the bad guy. You know me better than all the bullshit you just slung, and I hope you fucking choke on it." He turned to head towards the door, to grab his jacket and leave. He really hadn't been this angry in a long time. Possibly years. But this hit far too close to home, and with the false accusations in there, he couldn't stick around to even try to justify things because there was nothing to justify. He hadn't known, no one had told him, and he'd done the job as a favor. To help, and that was what he was getting for it. No, he was no angel. But he wasn't guilty of this, either.

Helena did not see herself as a victim. She knew Eddie had been. Jesse? He had a brain. She just couldn't believe that he had entered into this blindly. She had been sure Eddie had divulged some of his troubles to his old time buddy. She should have known the lug would have been proud about one thing while begging for another. He was such an idiot sometimes...

The words she wanted to say would not come out. She wanted to explain, to tell him that she was sorry, to quiet his rage and to calm his fears. That just wouldn't have been very responsible of her.

"Fine. Go...I didn't ask you to check on me." She hadn't raised her voice. Instead she sat, solitary and still, in the chair he'd helped her over to. Helena was ice. She had to be. She didn't have it in her to beg for him to stay. She thought if she started asking for forgiveness then she'd turn weak and she wouldn't be able to do what she was planning to do. Jesse couldn't get in her way. He had everything to lose and she had nothing.

She was alone and it was better this way. Maybe she could take the heat off Jesse, get to whoever had finished off Eddie to return the favor and maybe even get out of this alive.

Jesse stopped at the doorway, looking back, and he nearly said something, but in the end opted not to, and he shut the door behind himself, heading off into the cold. He needed a drink. Or several. Probably much more the last one.

She let her gaze flick upward, her eyes meeting his when he looked back and she folded her arms over her chest. There were half a dozen things she could have said but none of them would have made her feel any better. Instead, she watched him leave. When he was gone and the door closed she reluctantly got up to lock the door behind him.

Maybe he'd stop checking up on her.

Maybe then he'd have a chance.