Playing Our Parts
Who: Jesse and Becky
When: Late Night
Where: Kitchen
Becky couldn't sleep again. She managed for a few hours and she was grateful that there was no bad dreams this time around. Just an uncomfortable weight in her chest that woke her up and she couldn't get rid of it. So there she was in the kitchen waiting for water to boil for a Hot Toddy while she examined the wood grain of the table like it would tell her all the secrets that she needed to know. Like how she was supposed to feel about her friendship with Evelyn, for one. How she was supposed to get back to normal for two.
"This sucks," she muttered and rubbed her eyes before pulling her robe tighter around her. She just wanted a giant reset button that could just make everything okay. That would be nice. No more worrying.
Jesse had been gone all day. He'd been tracking down information, talking to old sources he knew, everything. And he had made a little headway, but nothing huge, unfortunately. But then again, he might be trying to chase down absolutely fucking nothing, and that little asshole had just been selling his daughter a line. He sure as hell hoped that was the case. Still, he wouldn't assume that til he found out for sure.
By the time he got back home, he was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. He was thinking maybe a shot or two of the bottle of whiskey he'd bought on the way home, and then he was going to fall into bed and hopefully not dream. Sometimes his dreams were a little more than he would like to handle while unconscious. He saw the light was on in the kitchen, seeing the sliver of light streaking across the darkened dining room. Hanging his coat up, he crouched to rid himself of his boots. Then he stood straight again, bringing the bottle with him to check in there. Hopefully it wasn't Jessie, disobeying.
Becky heard the door open and wondered if it was Jesse and as the creaking floorboards got closer, she finally looked over at him and the bottle in hand. "That isn't bourbon by any chance, is it?" she asked by way of greeting. That was on the list too. The apology she needed to give about the other day. She lifted her leg under the table and toed out the chair so he could have a seat. He looked pretty wrung out.
"Whiskey." he told her. He stepped into the kitchen, and moved to the cabinets, taking out two small glasses. He turned on the little light above the stove, then killed the over head light, sitting down where she indicated. Opening the bottle, he splashed some whiskey into each glass, then slid hers over towards her. He wasn't even thinking about the awkwardness between them the other day. He was a little preoccupied with other shit.
Becky looked down at the whiskey and figured it was the closest thing to bourbon and got up from the table to pour it into the coffee mug with the lemon juice and the honey. The kettle was starting to whistle anyway and she turned the heat off and poured it in. "Do you want a Hot Toddy?" she asked him. "Or you just going to have it straight?" She was trying to gauge how he was. He had taken the seat which, to Becky, meant that he wanted company.
"Straight." Jesse told her, not wanting anything else involved in his having a drink. And he proceeded to kill it, then pour another. "You look stressed." he told her. "What's up?" He didn't really need anything else to come in and be stressful, but he also wasn't the type who let a lady sit there looking not so happy and ignore it. It wasn't in his nature. So, he asked, and meant it.
"Oh, same old same old. Pondering life's mysteries," she smiled a little and sat back down. "Trying to sort my thoughts. Where'd you head off to today?" She hadn't seen him really all that much that day and the house had been quiet, especially after JJ had gone to school. Becky didn't want to admit that she'd been a little antsy on her own.
"Hunting down some information." Jesse said. "And it doesn't look like 'same old same old'." he noted. "If it was, you wouldn't be sitting in here hoping for bourbon." he added. "So, fill me in on this same shit different day of yours." he invited. He took another sip from his drink, and sat back in his chair a little, green eyes leveled on Becky.
That little smile on her face faded and she looked down at her mug. She just couldn't meet Jesse's eyes and the way he was looking at her like that. Her heart hurt when she thought about the conversation with Evelyn. "In the middle of asking Evelyn why she didn't think anything was wrong when I started that 'affair', why she didn't tell someone something was wrong... I realized it was because she would have to admit what had happened to her and that she was working at the Drake. She just kept looking at me like I was crazy and didn't even answer my question." Becky exhaled slowly. Saying it out loud like that, that sick realization that she did not seem to rank high enough on her best friend's priority list clearly had Becky off axis. Just slapped in the face with reality.
"It was just so... Evelyn really, truly thought there was nothing wrong and just spent the whole conversation looking at me like I was insane." Her voice cracked a bit there but she didn't start crying. Becky still seemed to be in some shock. "I told her exactly what happened. That he threatened her if I didn't sleep with him and I know that was a lot to process but Jesse..." Becky finally looked up at him and the hurt in her eyes was clear. She couldn't finish. She just didn't have any other words. My best friend didn't care as much as I cared about her.
Jesse internally winced. Evie had certainly been fucking up on a grand scale lately. He'd given her some hell over not talking to Becky since he'd gone and pulled the girl out of her bad situation, and apparently, her finally getting around to it didn't go so well. He wanted to argue the point for Becky, to sort of present a point of view, but in the end? He didn't know that he could. Evie had been hurting a lot of people. She'd been keeping secrets to a truly stupid degree, and it had hurt just about everyone. Becky was just kind of catching up with the rest of them on that score, and Jesse felt for her over it. He was still a little sore over everything himself, he was just better at dealing with it. Plus, it was his sister, not someone who was meant to be a best friend. They were kind of different. When she looked at him, he felt another pang for her. "I'm sorry, Becky." he told her, tone very light, and genuine. "Evie...something went wrong with her, I think. And I still don't quite know when it happened or how she got to be like she is these days, but something's pretty far off the rails. I'm sorry that you got burned for it too."
Becky had to look away and instead of drinking her hot drink, she took the whiskey from his side of the table and refilled her glass. "I think what happened with Kowalski really messed with her foundations, but I never ever thought she'd look at me like she did. She didn't even deny that she'd think what I did was 'natural'. She said she didn't want to get in my business?" Becky said the last part with a sneer and tossed back the whiskey and poured herself another. "I'm already having a damn hard time dealing with the fact that I've got these two different instincts going on because of that bastard. I do not need her looking at me like I'm insane and all but saying she thinks the absolute worst from me." She really wanted to throw the glass. To just break something but she quelled that. Her mother did that. She was not her mother so instead she just had another drink. "I had to deal with an abusive boss and I never felt more worthless than I did after that conversation." Her voice got a funny, thick tone to it and she reached up to rub at the corner of one of her eyes. She was not going to cry. There was no use crying. She was better off without having to be judged by someone she thought of like her sister. "I'm glad you did something about it," she tacked on softly.
He'd had a pretty immediate reaction when Evie had told him what was up with Becky. He'd taken care of that as soon as possible. He hadn't really needed the confirmation that she was grateful for it, but it was nice to hear that she was happy to be out of that situation. The rest of it, though, was hard for him to hear. He felt for her, could see she was on the verge of tears, and he couldn't really blame her for it. Especially not with how she was saying things went. He took another drink from his glass, and then sat forward, reaching out to put a hand over hers. "You're not worthless." he told her. "What did she say that made you feel like that?"
"Felt like it," she muttered and looked at the empty glass. "It wasn't anything she said, it was just how she did. She stood there and looked at me with that empty, judging look she gets. It was just cold. I think she was expecting me to yell at her? I know I dropped a bombshell and in the moment, it didn't seem so bad. It felt like we were talking but then I look back on it and I felt like I was doing most of the talking. I tried to say it all wasn't so bad. Not having to worry about bills or shopping for once? I tried to look at the silver lining to keep my sanity. Apparently I was meant to think of doom and gloom. It was just cold. She was cold. She left and I didn't feel better."
Becky took a deep breath and let it out slowly to calm her nerves. "I never thought I'd wish that she would just stay gone. I was trying to say that what happened, getting fooled by that guy, it doesn't speak badly of us. He was good at that and hindsight is 20/20. She was saying to me I thought you had made a decision. Didn't like it but I wasn't going to make your decision for you. And I wasn't going to tell anyone either. I've never been the kind to tell somebody's business. Which, okay, that makes sense and in the moment I was so confused about what I was feeling I didn't call her out on it and now that's really all that I can remember when I think about that. What the good fuck was she thinking? I can't... I'm sorry because I know she's your sister but I really, truly think I'm just done with her. I've seen her pull the ice queen. I never thought I'd get it pulled on me, especially after this." There was still that threat of tears there, but there was anger there too and she reached for the bottle and poured herself her last shot. "Do you want another?"
"Sure do." Jesse said, feeling for her. "And don't apologize. She's my sister, I love her, but yeah. Recently? You're not the only one to get caught up in the crossfire. I can't even begin to tell you how pissed I've been with that girl recently. So, you don't have to apologize to me. I know. Hell, I even told her about the fucking ice queen act. Told her that people aren't bloody mind readers and if she's got shit to get across, she better say it because no one's just going to pull it out of the air, how she feels or anything. But it's like somewhere along the line she decided that was the way to go, and apparently? She hasn't taken my warnings to heart at all. Which...fucking fabulous." he sighed, and shook his head. "Do you want me to talk to her?" he asked.
"No," she sighed and refilled Jesse's glass anyway. "This is one battle that I can take care of and I think it's already done. But if you need to talk to her then by all means but you said you have and I think at this point it would just be reiterating the same thing. If it's going to turn out alright, then it'll turn out alright. If it doesn't..." that was the hardest thing to say. That she was prepared to leave it behind. "I did what I did for her because she was a sister to me and I cared about her but I didn't come out of that okay. I don't need to deal with her detachment and wonder what she's thinking of me. I can do that on my own without her there." She shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. She suddenly felt a little self-conscious with her ratty bedhead.
Jesse knocked back some of the drink she poured, then sighed, and reached out, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Okay." he said. "But if you change your mind, I'll talk to her. But I agree. At this point? It'd probably just be a whole lot of talking to a wall. I just don't know what the hell happened with her. And I don't even know if all the shit she's told me is all of it. Or if there's yet more out there that she's still keeping 'secret' for some stupid reason. It's like she lacks common fucking sense these days. Like any smarts she had before have utterly evaporated. I used to trust that she could look out for herself, that she had her shit together. Man was I ever wrong."
Becky leaned into it just a little bit, taking comfort from the gesture and letting him know it was appreciated and she reached up to hold his hand while she looked down at her empty glass. She just needed something to hold onto in that moment and Jesse didn't seem to mind. She hoped. "E's always been too smart for her own good. Book smart though. She was always really book smart. So the whole thing with him knocked her for a loop. That whole manipulation thing he pulled. I'd been exposed to that sort of thing before so I was pretty good at pinpointing it, which I'm guessing is why he took a different approach on me." He said jump and I said how high.... "For her, she said that she kept doubting herself. That it was just her imagination. Over-thinking it. I feel for her, I do, but I just... I don't think I can let it be. Something had to give and it did and I can't carry her issues on top of mine." She was admitting it. Admitting that she wasn't all completely okay. She was certainly trying to get through it and not let it drag her down and Becky had been doing an okay job of it but it was clear that the whole conversation with Evelyn shook her and knocked her off balance. She had to look out for herself in this situation. She couldn't be second-guessing Evelyn all the time.
Jesse didn't mind. He did shift his chair closer so it was more comfortable, but he didn't try to stop the hand holding. He listened, and gently rubbed his thumb back and forth against the back of her hand. "You shouldn't have to. You've been through a lot. You're still recovering." he told her. "So...don't. Don't worry about Evie's problems. They're her's, and if she's not helping you with yours, maybe you both need to find other people to lean on for the time being." It sounded good, anyway.
The rubbing of his thumb was comforting and Becky leaned back in her chair. He was right. She needed to find someone else to lean on and she had. Jesse had done more for her than anyone and he always had. He made her feel safe, he was there, he didn't push. He'd given her a new life and she didn't want to let him down. Not that she thought he'd turn her out or turn his back on her if she didn't 'recover' fast enough. It's just that he'd done so much for her, she didn't have anything else to give back except getting better. To get back on her feet and not waste what he'd given her. She could reaffirm her own personal strength and thank him. "Some days I feel like I'm completely okay. Other times I feel like I'm doing everything to keep it together. Or I'll get these moments where I get nervous because I keep expecting him to show up and take everything away again."
"I actually know what that feels like." Jesse said. "Not for the same reasons, but I know. That's what it was like after everything happened, after Eddie died. Sometimes I was fine, and I could almost forget." He gave a light smile. "Til I moved and the wound stabbed with pain, but you know what I mean. Other times it felt like the whole world had crashed, and I kept waiting for either the cops to show, or mobsters, or someone." He shook his head. "Never happened, though. Eventually life moves on. But don't worry that he'll show. And if he does, that'll get taken care of."
She returned his light smile with a small one of her own. "If he does it'll be months and months from now and it won't be a problem." She was surprised to hear him talk about Eddie, especially with how that conversation went but maybe it shouldn't have been so surprising. That door had been opened and it was nice to know that he could say it. "I should probably move mom back home. I need to go in and clear out the stash..." She let go of his hand and reached for her warm drink and took a sip from it. "I didn't mind the flirting," she said suddenly. "It was nice. I just had one of those moments and I made things awkward." Becky didn't look at him in the eye and instead focused on her mug. She didn't think she'd be able to look at him and keep from blushing.
It took Jesse a moment to switch gears when she was suddenly talking about flirting. So it took a second for him to click it together with what had happened before. "Oh." he said. "I just figured I crossed a line." he said, not all that used to talking about something like that in this manner.
"No, you were fine." Becky shrugged a little bit. Awkward again. "So where were you today? You don't usually go out and show up with a bottle of whiskey and down two shots before the conversation even starts."
Jesse wasn't sure how to take that so in the end he just kind of ignored it, and moved on. "Baby J says that that little street punk she was spending time with told her that someone threatened him by threatening her. It's why she's not here right now." he explained.
That wasn't exactly the answer Becky was expecting and she looked up at Jesse in surprise. JJ went to stay at someone else's house because of a friend? Not that threats should be taken lightly but there's an awful lot that Becky figured she was missing. "Is the kid mob?" That could explain it, because a street punk needing to be threatened with harm to others seemed kind of extreme.
"He always used to dress like he was." Jesse said. "He was a punk asshole who showed up at my door and decided to be an arrogant little prick." he continued. yep. Jesse hated the kid, there was absolutely no doubt about that. "But she stopped hanging around him. He was the little shit who was trying to date my daughter and my sister at pretty much the same time. The definition of 'sleazy', as it were. And apparently, he showed up out of nowhere, to tell Jessie that she needed to not hang around him--which she'd already stopped doing in the first fucking place--because he was innocently minding his own business when someone threatened her to get to him. Or, that's what I got out of the whole stupid story, anyways." And he poured himself another drink.
Well. That was all new to her. The only sister she could figure would be Evie, since the others were just too old to 'date' some kid going after JJ. At least, she was assuming this was a kid. Sounded like one. "That sounds like a line," she said with a frown. If it sounded like a line to her, she knew that Jesse suspected at much. Still, it was his baby girl. "So you were investigating?"
"Really does." Jesse said. "But you should have heard her." he said, shaking his head. "I felt like things were lost by the time I was done. All those things I was saying before, all those huge differences, they were so apparent in that talk. She kept changing her story, she would flip flop between swearing he would tell her the truth, to saying maybe it was nothing..." he sighed, dragging his fingers through his hair. "I don't know, Becky. I went and investigated. I'll go right back out and do so again tomorrow, and until I find out if it's bullshit or not, she stays with Dorothy."
"She's fifteen," Becky reminded him gently. "She may have a good head on her shoulders in general, but her life is a lot different than what yours was at her age. For her, maybe it was a big deal and something to be afraid of and then while she was talking to you, she realizes 'okay, maybe it isn't as bad as I thought it was'. She's gotta be feeling pretty confused about whether or not she believes him. She likes to believe in the best in people, right?"
"It wasn't that, it was that it seemed like she changed her opinion depending on what I said." Jesse said. "And I taught her to be stronger than that. To not be swayed just by what everyone else was saying. I never wanted to have a daughter who was like her mother." he said, shaking his head. "And maybe she just is. Maybe she's lost the joy in her life, she's seemingly randomly stopped anything even remotely resembling a playful nature. It's like she's a spinster already. Like when she was hanging out with Lily, she became more like her, and more like her mother at the same time. And I really hate that. I hate even thinking it. I guess I thought I did a better job than this."
She turned more in her seat so she was facing him better and took his hand in both of hers and squeezed it. "I wasn't there for the conversation so I can't say if she was waffling or realizing that maybe you were right and realizing the sense that you were making. I haven't had the chance to talk to her yet so maybe I'm wrong, but who JJ is now isn't who she's going to be next year, or the year after. You're not. It's being a teenager." She didn't know who Lily was, but she assumed that's where the 'spinster' part came from. "She might just be tired or stressed out. Does she have any hobbies? Maybe you guys can start something. Hell, with the dog, that could give her something easy to occupy her time. She could be having issues with friends and the teenage drama. It could be a number of minuscule things that are just piling up." She could remember those times in high school when suddenly everything seemed like it was closing in. Her mother, fights with friends, difficult classes and difficult people.
"I don't think it is stress. I think she's just different." Jesse said. "I think somewhere under my nose, my daughter entirely changed. And maybe you're right, it's just being a teenager. But I don't like it. And I'm not dealing especially well with it." he admitted.
She could see how much it was wearing on him and she squeezed his hand encouragingly. She wasn't sure what else she could do. She'd hug him but he was sitting and the options were leaning over practically in his lap or standing while he sat and both options were potentially uncomfortable. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked softly. "I still haven't had the chance to talk to her and I'll do that, but right now? Is there anything I can do to take your mind off of it or make you feel better? There's pie with a funny story along with it," she offered then frowned a little bit. "And while I think it might give you a good laugh, it might just be another stresser..."
Jesse made a bit of a face, and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "What happened?" he asked. He didn't want another stress ball thrown at him, but he couldn't let it lie without asking, either. So, he asked, picking up his glass again to take another drink.
Becky watched him take another drink and even though she didn't think it would start becoming a problem, he sure was drinking a lot recently. She waited until after he swallowed before saying, "The neighbors think we're married. And we're invited to the barbecue the people across the street are having on Saturday provided the weather remains nice." She'd about had a heart attack when the older housewife had shown up at the front door looking for the wedding ring and asking all sorts of questions. "I figure I should tell you just in case you get into her crosshairs. She was kind of nosy." She offered him a smile. "That's not so bad, right? It's funny! So please laugh and don't feel stressed!"
Jesse froze for a second, then smirked, rolled his eyes, and shook his head, slouching back in his chair. "I really should have seen that coming." he said. After all, their situation was rather different. And any other woman living with a man like Becky was...yeah. the natural assumption was marriage. If not, then they'd be looking at Becky like she was a whore. "What did you tell her?" he asked curiously. "You know it looks pretty bad if you tell the truth. either people won't buy it, or they'll still think there's other things going on."
She grinned when he slouched back and seemed more amused by the situation than stressed out. That was the whole goal. "Well, first off, there's three of them. Patsy Harmon -- she's the one who came over today -- and her husband Royal. They have four kids whose names went over my head but they're all younger than Chirp." Getting up, Becky went over to the fridge and got out the pie that looked to be straight out of a bakery window, it was so fancy. "I'm pretty sure it's apple or pear. Anyway, then she mentioned Arlene Fickter and her husband Dell whose a doctor wouldn't you believe?" She mimicked the last part in a nasally, 'my oh my' sort of voice. A clear imitation of Mrs. Harmon. "They have three kids, one in high school so JJ might know. Then there's Trudy Williams and her husband Frank. They've got two little ones and Frank lost some fingers in a work accident but we should do our best not to mention it." Again, the last bit was mimicked and Becky set the pie and two forks on the table. "I wrote all the information down. It's in the living room because man, that woman talks fast.
"Anyway, she said it was so nice to see another family move in on the street, especially in such 'dark' times. She meant to come over earlier with the other ladies but they'd all been so busy with some kid's birthday party and then that horrible rainstorm and she would've come over then but it looked like me and my husband were having some time together on the porch and she just didn't want to interrupt that and was this my husband's second marriage because that 'little blond girl looks too old to be yours' and she was giving me this look and saying all this stuff in that kind of tone where it's this test and the three of them have already gossiped and discussed. So I said yes it was his second marriage and that we got married last year and oh, I was cleaning so I took my rings off because I don't want them to get lost. I swear she was looking at my hand so hard I thought she was trying to make one appear.
"I said that JJ is in high school and we get along fabulously because I knew that by the time I said second marriage I was moved up from 'loose woman' to 'homewrecker' and that her mother hasn't been in the picture for a very long time. She seemed okay with that explanation and then proceeded to grill me about never seeing us at the cathedral and do I plan on joining up with the neighborhood ladies circle. I said I had food on the stove and got out of it and that yes, we would go to that barbecue so she would stop snooping around." It was Becky's turn to slouch in her chair and she stabbed her fork in the pie but didn't go to take a bite. "So to sum up: We've been married for a year and we used to live in an apartment and had been saving up to get a house and that you're taking time off while we get all settled in. You need to come up with a job cover story because I had no idea what to say there. JJ is staying with her aunt for a few days to get away from the last of the packing." Becky didn't mention the look Mrs. Harmon gave her for that. That look and a 'knowing' smile. "Veronica hasn't been in the picture in a long time so that can be taken a lot of different ways -- I didn't say her name, just JJ's mother -- and then she spent the rest of the time talking so I got out the basic foundations. I gotta go through my jewelry box and find something that could work as a ring to wear." She was relieved after all that that Jesse seemed to agree that the truth about the situation wasn't the world's best idea so she felt like she'd done the right thing.
Jesse listened, smiling in an amused sort of way as she recounted the story. "Should have said I was a widow. Then you could be the second wife and there's no scandal." he told her. "So, if there's any more prying questions, go for that. Or maybe I'll just tell people at this barbecue we're meant to attend." he said. He paused. "I've got a ring you can have, if it fits." he said, standing up. "Stay right there." he told her. Then he headed into the house and to his room, where he had a box full of little odds and ends. Digging through, he brought out an engagement ring one of his ex-fiance's had returned to him. There was actually a pretty nice rock on it. The band was silver. He wound up taking the box with him back to the kitchen, where he set it down on the table. Then he reached out, snagged her hand and slid the ring on. And it didn't seem too ill a fit, either. "I'll figure out a band situation later." he told her, looking in the box again for a ring that might work as a wedding band for him. He had rings on other fingers, he might just switch one.
"I thought about it but yeah, that's something that could come from you," Becky admitted, grinning back at him and watching him get up. When he came back with a box and her eyes widened just slightly when he grabbed her hand and slid a pretty damn nice ring on her finger. "You're a guy. Can get away easier without one," she said thoughtfully as she brought her hand back to examine the ring. It was awfully pretty and she twisted it around her finger. Fit real nice. Becky was kind of caught up in the pretty glint of light reflecting off the stone, a little smile on her face.
"Not really, that just makes me look like an asshole." Jesse said. He would take it off if he was going out, and such, no reason for anyone to think he was married, both possibly so he could still meet someone and because if people knew a person with his 'career' had a wife, that was a bad thing. Especially for someone like him. He watched her admiring the ring, and smirked, as he switched one of his rings to the proper finger. "Like it?" he asked. "You'll get better use out of it than I did." he added. "It's been sitting in a box for something like six years."
"You have very good taste," she complimented and looked back at him, still smiling. First piece of jewelry she had in a long time that wasn't 'hush money' or a bribe or an apology for someone losing their temper. Sure it was just for show and there wasn't any reality behind it, it was nice and Becky liked it because he didn't have to do any of this. This whole show was because of her, really. Having a wedding ring would make her life easier not just with the neighborhood, but should at least prove to be a good dissuader to any guy that approached her while she was out. She was 'married' ,therefore off limits. Until such was a time that she met that special someone. "Thanks for going along with all this," she said. She was pretty sure he would say there was no need to apologize, but she wanted him to know that she appreciated the lengths he was going to.
"No problem." Jesse said easily, really not put out by the whole thing. As far as he was concerned, it was just another part of helping her, and he was happy to do that. "Keep the ring, too. Do whatever you want with it." he told her, figuring that if she eventually moved out or whatever, she could sell it for a pretty penny. He didn't mind. As he'd said, it had just been sitting in a box for years now. She could use it more than he could.
It was a nice ring and she could definitely get a good price out of it. "Why haven't you sold it?" she asked him, curious. She knew he'd gone through a few fiances and keeping a ring like this in a box had her wondering why.
"I hadn't actually wanted it back in the first place." Jesse said. "Katherine, though, she dropped it in the mail slot after we broke up. So, I had it. I just never really had the heart to sell it. Good thing, too, considering now you can have it. I consider that a better cause than just selling it for some money I didn't actually need. I'd have given it to Baby J but she was pretty young yet, and you don't hand over diamonds to little girls."
"No, you don't," Becky said with a little laugh. "My mother used to talk about the jewellry her parents would give her. How at twelve she'd rather have some attention instead of things to look pretty with. So she'd approve of that decision." She'd say what her mother would say, but she felt that it was a little too dampening on the situation so she kept her mouth shut on the rest of that subject. "It'll all turn out alright, Jess," she told him softly. "JJ's not going to be that way forever. She loves you."
"Let's not talk about your mom..." Jesse said, though it was with a little amusement. Her mom had certainly tried hard to get him into bed. It had been all he could do to get out of that situation without her ripping his clothes off. He couldn't tell if it was her remembering him from when he was younger, or if she'd kind of forgotten him. Or if she just didn't give a damn. He did sigh though, at her last bit. "I hope not. I just...wish I knew why it was happening in the first place."
She chuckled a bit at his pushing away the mother issue and reached out to ruffle his hair comfortingly. She sobered up though when he sighed. "I think staying with Dorothy will do her some good. She can keep an eye on her and maybe give you a bit of insight or be able to discern what's up. Hey, for all we know, maybe all JJ needs is just some time away to get her own mental reboot. I just... I need you to do one more thing for me, okay?" She reached for the bottle of whiskey and held it up. "I know there's a difference between just needing a drink and actually drinking. I know you know that but I'm asking you to please not make this a habit." She understood the need to come home after a stressful day and have a drink. She'd done it herself from time to time, but they'd gotten partly drunk the other night and when he walked in the kitchen, he'd knocked back two shots without any hesitation. "I'm not going to scowl or pour out the bottles. You're an adult. I just have to say this because it makes me feel better." She had no problem admitting that she was saying it for her own benefit. She really could just let it go because she trusted Jesse, but the whole situation was definitely taking a toll on him. She didn't want him finding a vice that could be this destructive.
"Yeah, I know." he told her, not naysaying her cause for concern or anything. "I wouldn't do that to Jessie. She's already got one parent who can't function from day to day without something fucking up her entire head. So--I know. Lately things just have been really hard. And I'm not a saint." And he'd never claimed to be, either.
Becky's lips twitched at his 'no saint' comment and she reached over to cup his face, leaning in and dropped a soft kiss on his cheek. Still holding his face in her hands she made him look at her. "You are a good father, Jesse James. For all your criminal tendencies and your flirting and that cocky smile of yours that makes all the girl sigh, you're a good father. Your daughter knows that whenever there's trouble, no matter how big or how miniscule, you will be there to step in or offer her guidance or both. You are there to catch her when she falls. You always have and you always will be. You get too caught up in your worries and you'll get stuck in it. Everything happens for a reason and it will work out. Growing up is hard but you have built and continue to give a pillar of support for her to hold onto until she is able to go out in the world as a wonderful, well rounded adult that you have helped shape. I may not have lived through parenthood or have seen as much as the world as you have, but I know in my heart that this will be okay and trust me when I say that it will."
He looked at her while she spoke, maintaining eye contact as he did so. In the end he quirked a faint half smile. "I'll keep that in mind." he told her. "Thanks for saying so, either way. I appreciate it." he told her, because it was true. That was probably the most difficult part of single parenting--there wasn't that second voice to bounce things off of. You didn't have anyone to logic check with but yourself. And sure he had family that he did that with often enough, but there was something about having an alternative view. Becky wasn't a James, she didn't grow up in the same house even if she'd been there often enough. She would by default have different advice than anyone else close to him would.
She smiled back at him and pulled her hands away. "No one ever has all the answers. It's okay to feel lost. You didn't get a manual with this gig. Besides, you don't have a woman's wonderful intuition like I do," she teased him with a wink. "And I think I did a pretty good job of raising myself and watching everyone else get raised." If you just ignored the times when she did stupid things. The thought of the whole marriage charade had her wondering if that was another stupid idea. It couldn't be though. Jesse was going along with it.
"You didn't turn out so bad." Jesse agreed, giving her an affectionate little smile. "But okay. Time for me to put the bottle away." he decided, getting up to do that. He'd had enough. Or, he'd decided he'd had enough, which wasn't quite the same thing.
Becky shrugged a shoulder. "Could've been worse." She watched him get up with the bottle and looked back at the pie. "You good?"
"Yeah, think I'm just going to go to bed. start again in the morning." he said. "I'll see you tomorrow. When're you going to get that mutt by the way?" he asked. "I keep expecting to come home to barking and a furry thing that wants to go fetch the paper." he added, looking back at her with a smile as he shut the cabinet and headed back towards the door.
Becky pulled the fork out of the pie and tossed it into the sink and got up to put it back in the fridge. "Probably the morning. That way I have the whole day to get stuff." Closing the fridge with her hip she looked around the kitchen before spying the door to the little back breezeway room. "I figure we can put the food and everything in there by the backdoor and then decide if we want to go the doghouse route or not." She returned his smile with a tired one of her own and flicked off the light, leaving the one in the breezeway on so it wasn't completely dark. "So when you come home tomorrow, there'll be barking for sure. Not sure if the fetching the paper has to be trained or not."
"You do whatever you want." Jesse told her, giving her free reign with what she wanted done with the dog. "I'm not going to complain." And he wouldn't. There was still part of him that thought he might like having a dog around. Even if it wasn't his dog. He headed for the door, glancing back. "Sweet dreams, Becky. And remember even if Evie's gone out the other side of shitty to you, you're not alone, okay?"
Becky hoped to hell that any dog she got would get along with him because right about now? It seemed like he could benefit from Man's Best Friend. "Okay," she confirmed with a nod. "You're not alone either, Jess. Don't you forget that either." He didn't have to carry everything on his shoulders. If there was anything she could do to help, she would. "Sweet dreams."