In the Quiet of the Night
Who: Becky and Jesse
Where: James House
When: Late Night
Becky had a difficult time falling asleep that night in her new bed in the new room in the new house and after all the effort she went to to get to sleep, she'd woken up not much long after from a terrible nightmare that she couldn't quite remember except that she'd been scared and in pain.
Grabbing her satin dressing gown from the closet hook, she made her way quietly down the stairs, tying the gown loosely around her less fancy sleep shirt and pants. Her hair was loose around her shoulders and she blearily pushed it out of her face. She made a note at the foot of the stairs to maybe see about putting a lamp there because she stubbed her toe on the wall, letting loose an angry curse. Kitchen. Where was the kitchen again? Through the living room, that's right.
Not expecting to disturb anyone in the living room (since Jesse had his own room), Becky flicked on the lamp and gave a startled yelp to see Jesse on the couch. She jumped back into the table, sending a picture frame crashing to the floor.
Jesse had been asleep. That was til there was suddenly yelps, and light, and crashes, and that had him awake and on his feet in about two seconds. He had a hold on Becky's upper arm quickly too, before he realized what was going on. "Jesus." he said quietly. "What's...going on?" he asked, sort of mentally having to back up and reset before he could claim to be up with current events. He let her go, and crouched to pick up the broken picture frame, though.
Becky hadn't expected him to move so fast and her heart kicked up another startled notch when he was right there and grabbing her arm. "I could ask you the same thing," she choked, finally getting her own wits about her. "What're you doing sleeping on the couch?" While he was able to get his wits about him faster, Becky was still trying to calm her pounding heart down and after a moment she joined him on the floor to carefully start picking up the shards of class. The frame had only lost a couple pieces thankfully. Her hands were shaking and Becky looked at them in surprise. He'd really freaked her out when he practically teleported across the room at her. "You move really fucking fast."
"I've got it." he said when she started to help with the glass, and he put the remains of the frame on the coffee table. He looked over and noticed the shaking too. He gave a light half smile. "I couldn't sleep in the bed." he admitted. "I've spent fifteen years on a couch, it's a little weird." he added. "And sorry--paranoid. When you have someone to protect, you kind of just..." he shrugged one shoulder. He had a daughter. And if anyone came through the door that wasn't meant to be there, they weren't getting far enough to even see his baby girl. End of story.
She nodded and took some deep breaths and shook her hands out after setting the glass down. "Yeah, I couldn't sleep either, but not because I've grown attached to the couch. I'm sorry for waking you. Just wasn't expecting you there. Guess that makes sense though." The shaking was subsiding and she rolled her shoulders to loosen all those startled feelings. "All that room must feel like you're in a field. Do you think the bed is too big? We might be able to exchange it for a smaller one."
Jesse stood, and headed back over to sit on the couch, dropping down onto it. "Why couldn't you sleep?" he asked. "And as for getting a different bed, maybe we should just get a different couch. One I'm not used to so I'll be forced to sleep in the bed. I don't want a smaller one, though. I do actually eventually plan on sharing it, and it's harder to do that when it's smaller." he said with a flash of a tired grin.
"Well that will go on the list for tomorrow," Becky said with a survey around the couple of boxes that were still in the room. They'd found the figurines but it had been decided to leave those until everything was set. Didn't want to break them. She thought, briefly, about Jesse's comment on eventually sharing the bed and wondered what that would mean for her. Not that she expected to live with him and Chirp for the rest of her years, but to think about eventually moving out when she'd just started getting settled in was too much for her to think about at that moment. "Oh, just restless brain, I guess," she answered his first question, not wanting to mention the nightmare she couldn't remember. "I was going to have something to drink. Do you want me to get you anything?"
"What kind of a drink?" Jesse asked. "Have a seat, I can get it." he offered, getting up and stretching. "Then you can tell me what's got your wheels spinning." he said, just so she'd know she wasn't off the hook with a blowoff answer. He gave her a smile with it, though. Really, he didn't mind the company, it wasn't like he'd had a great go of things recently, he could use someone else's issues to deal with for a while.
Becky gave him a sidelong, exasperated look but plopped herself down on the couch. "Surprise me," she sighed. "I don't care if it's alcoholic or Coke. Whatever you feel like." She didn't really want to talk about what was bothering her or stumble through vestiges of the dream when she'd already spoke of her problems to him at length the day before.
Jesse nodded, and disappeared into the kitchen for a few minutes. When he came back, he had a bottle of wine and two glasses, one of which he poured for her and handed it over, the other he kept for himself as he sat back down again. "Never drink this stuff. Figured I might as well at least give it a shot, since I found a bottle." he explained. "So, what's on your mind, then?" he asked.
She raised her eyebrows when he came in with the glasses and she took the wine from him. She swirled the glass carefully and held it up to her nose automatically, just like he mother had taught her when she was a little girl. "Not bad," she commented and took a sip, nodding in approval as she swallowed... and avoided his question.
Jesse took a drink and gave her a Look. And he didn't say anything, but that look was quite clear. It was a 'wow, really not smooth, there, Becky, how about you try that again with an answer to my really blatantly put questions' look. And he could be stubborn when he wanted to be. Insanely stubborn.
Becky didn't miss his Look and she gave him one in return. "We always talk about me. I don't want to talk about me," she protested gently. She knew he could be stubborn. His baby sister was probably the most stubborn person she knew and that's only because she tended to interact with Evie more than the rest of the James Clan. "Why don't we talk about you and how it feels to be a proper home owner." She didn't care if there wasn't any finesse to it. She wasn't feeling up to being smooth when she'd just woken up in the middle of the night.
"Because that's boring and can be summed up in a really short amount of time?" Jesse suggested. "And you being kept up at night seems a bit more pressing than 'hey, it's kinda nice but a little weird to get used to, this house-having business'." he concluded. "Besides. I like talking to you about you. You've got more going on. Or possibly more to say. I don't know." He shrugged.
She laughed softly and shook her head. "Is that your own way of deflecting or are you giving me a compliment," she teased him. She had a lot going on? She didn't think that was a particularly good thing considering the nature of much of it. "We talked about me yesterday. Let's talk about the weather. Boy, it's been crazy, going from nice to cold then sort of back to nice again," she demonstrated.
"Maybe it's both." Jesse said with a smirk. He took another drink, eyes on her. "And nope. Can't talk about the weather. it's boring." he told her, vetoing the topic of conversation. "Next." he invited, a playful edge to his tone. She could keep trying, so far as he was concerned. Though he could get not wanting to self-focus, too. He was avoiding his own bullshit a the moment, and his was tired, really insane bullshit.
Becky rolled her eyes and nursed her wine. "Weather is boring, alright," she mused and turned a bit to lean against the couch but so she was still facing towards him. "How about that they actually had the Festival opening at the Kitten. That certainly seems like it'd cut down on enjoyment. I wanted to go to that but I know how much everyone loves the place." In reference to him going to get her mother. "I could work there, I guess," she added on thoughtfully, although she didn't particularly care for the Club.
Jesse noticed that Becky didn't notice he'd owned up in some form to deflecting. Which should have meant that he had something he was deflecting from. But, people often didn't catch things. He just took another drink of wine, and listened. And when she got to the end of the statement, he shook his head. "And why would you do that." he asked. "I mean really. You had a job, it was a lot higher class than that, and things went badly but you still had the qualifications for it. Why the hell would you even think about going to work at a place like that?"
"I was being funny," she said and nursed her wine. "I don't want to work there and I don't want to talk about me, Mr. 'Maybe it's both'." She moved her glass a little so she could bump her foot against his leg. "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours. How about that. I owe you for how much you've listened to me." It wasn't that she hadn't noticed him saying that, but it was late and even though she was awake, her brain was a little slow and the wine that was spreading warmth through her limbs wasn't exactly helping it wake up.
"Generally when people are being funny, they indicate as such with their tone, they don't sit there looking and sounding like they're seriously considering it." Jesse pointed out. "And sure. you go first." he said, knocking back a little more wine, before he poured a little more in his glass. He should probably not drink it that fast, but it wasn't like he had to be up in the morning.
"And generally I don't have conversations about my issues in the middle of the night when I'm half tired and drinking wine," she countered and watched him refill his glass. "And you're on your second glass and I'm only half done with my first. You go so I can catch up." That seemed like a reasonable bargain and she gave Jesse a magnanimous smile.
"I think you just change your answer when you find out that someone doesn't like it." Jesse said, shaking his head. Then he took another drink, and sighed. "Fine." he said. "I saw Ronnie recently. She's sort of...I don't know. Been around." he admitted. "Not consistently, but I've seen her more in the past few weeks than I have in quite a long time. And no matter what the circumstances, that woman never leaves me in better condition than when she found me."
Becky wasn't sure if she should feel insulted that he thought she'd been serious but it really wasn't the point of getting into an issue with because she didn't think it was such a big deal. She nursed the wine as he spoke, quiet as he finally gave in. Ronnie. Becky had heard about that woman far too often over the years. "What's she been on this time? Talking about getting clean?" Her being around a lot, from what it seemed like from his choice of words, seemed that it was one of Ronnie's times of trying to get clean.
"Oh, she always does that." Jesse said. "That's par for the course with her. I've heard that more times that I can even count." he admitted. He settled against the couch more, slouching in his seat a little. "No, it's more just...she messes with my head. and I know she does. And I know I'm being played, and can tell when she's doing it, and even how she's doing it. It just...it just doesn't help me. There's something about her. And we've moved, and I just pray to god that she never finds us. That we'll be gone, and she won't be bothered to put the effort into finding us."
Tossing back the rest of her wine, Becky grabbed the wine bottle to refill her glass. She was warm everywhere and she wanted to keep that going. The best thing about wine. She thought about what he said about Ronnie and thought about her own opinions and experience with a mother who at times she wished would just die and leave her alone. "She's the mother of your child," she said gently and leaned back in her spot. "She's going to mean something to you because for awhile there, you two had the deepest connection two people can have. It's not gone, it's still there, but it's something that fades over time a little bit, but her behavior keeps you from being able to move on because her behavior hurts people. It hurts your daughter and it hurts you. Because there was a time when you loved her. I don't know if you still love her, that's not my business, but am I on the right track?"
"Not really." Jesse said honestly. "I mean, for one, I don't want her anywhere near Baby J. I really don't. And I know she's her mother, but she was never really there. Never really her mom. And I was in love with her before, but I'm not anymore, haven't been for a long time. It's sort of like...this infection that keeps flaring back up. I'm not even happy when I'm in the middle of it. I never feel right about anything. And I always wind up feeling worse later. But she draws me in, and I don't know how to stop that. I think part of it is she's a trainwreck. she always needs help. And I try to help her. It just never works. It's the most futile thing ever. And there's a familiarity about it all? Just...it's not a good familiarity. And like I said, whenever I see her, I feel wrecked for days at least. I really just wish she'd go. Disappear into the night somewhere, and trash someone else's life. But even if I try to tell her that, and try to be the hardass and cut ties entirely, I can't quite manage it. This moving thing is the closest I've ever come to it."
Becky thought that the whole infection description was kind of just a negative version of what she'd been saying but she didn't say that. Everyone dealt with things their own way. "Well, let's break this down. Helping her. What Veronica needs is a nice, long stint in one of these places they call 'Rehabilitation Centers'. They're new and the only reason I know about them is because of my mother and some well meaning nurse when I was younger. Ronnie has a problem that is so long running and so deep that her just going cold turkey and living in some motel with some money to buy food isn't going to help her. She needs to be in a place that has people who will be able to help her kick the habit and then help her get a new life started away from the temptations of her old life. She needs to be the one to do that. She needs to make that choice or it needs to be an option given to her so she knows she has the choice." Becky took a large drink of her wine and ran her free hand through her messy hair. "It's hard to watch people in our lives destroy themselves and have them try to take the rest of us down with them and see what toll it takes on others. It's hard to say no, no matter how long it's been or what they do. You want them to be better so they can be the same person they were back when you had good memories of them. Those memories that can't be the same anymore because of everything else that they do." She took another sip. "She doesn't get to control your life. She doesn't get to control how you feel. That's all up to you. So now you have to look at how to say no. You gotta look at the things she says or does that gets you wound up to say yes. She gave up her parental rights and I will stand by my opinion that her doing that shows how much she loves Jessie. Because she gave her up to be with her dad instead of being a selfish mother who wanted someone who would never leave her." She sounded a little bitter there and Becky fell quiet then to nurse her wine. That's what her mother had done. Selfish woman. "It can't be you that has to save her anymore because how many times have you tried but she keeps dropping the ball. I'm pretty sure that JJ hates to see that."
"You're not telling me anything I don't know. Only I don't have some naive hope that she'd be who I remember. Frankly, who I do remember was messed up too. Ronnie wasn't ever okay. Not even when I first met her. It just got worse later. So even if she got herself clean, there's more than enough mental and emotional damage that she'd never really be okay. She's a taker of a personality. She sucks people try, gets whatever she can from them, then moves on to the next person to leech off of. I think you're talking from experience with your mom--you sound like you're projecting. And I appreciate that you're trying to understand or you do on some levels. My problem isn't the dream though. It's not sitting here wishing for better things, or anything, it's being unable to walk away permenantly. I want to. I just can't. Never have been able to. People know it, with me. I can't do it with anyone, near enough. My problem is I don't have any illusions--might be nice if I did--and I still can't quite sever things. Like I said, I hope that this works, that she just never finds me. Because I can't help her, even if I try. And all she ever does is hurt me. No one has the ability to completely wreck me like she does. I just wish I could sever it. Just...never see her again, because I know I'll fall victim again." He shook his head. "I'm stupid, basically. That's my problem."
"Maybe a little," she admitted. "You can't walk away, huh?" She'd heard that, about some of those women he'd dated twisting him around. "Why do you think you can't? And not just Ronnie, but other people too. You say that Ronnie has her own issues even after the drug problems. Do you think you might have your own issues that keep you from being able to walk away from people?" She wondered if he needed a hug or something, and she wasn't sure if that was the wine talking or the need for a good hug but she stayed put.
"Ronnie's like a walking bag of issues." Jesse said. "Always has been." He took another drink of his wine, and looked over at Becky. "As for me? Oh, I'm probably full of issues myself." he agreed. "I just...I can't abandon people, I think. And if I see someone who needs help, I have to try. A lot of times I can pull it off, like with you. I saw a bad situation, and I did my best to fix it, and sure it's not perfect, I'm sure you'd rather be someplace else, but you're better off than when I showed up." He killed the last of his glass then poured a little more. "Maybe it's because we never had much growing up, but we gave what we could. I don't know if you know this, but I started with the petty theft and everything because we didn't have much. But we still had you over all the time, because we had a better home than you did. And it was a good thing. And that's the one thing I'll always give my parents--they were very giving people, and that rubbed off on all of us. Maybe it just rubbed off differently with me."
"I didn't know," Becky said quietly and watched him pour another glass. "It makes sense. Hell, your family probably saved my life. They gave me someplace safe. When I think family, I think of you guys." She looked into her wine glass and took a slow sip. "I don't think I'd want to be anywhere else than here right now because I feel safe and I haven't felt safe in a really long time," she told him and looked back at him. "When I think of the words safe, I think of you and your dad. When I think mom, I think of your mom. If I didn't have you guys, I might be another Ronnie out there. I don't want that. You feel responsible for people, Jesse, and for the most part, it isn't a bad thing, but when they manipulate you, it is. Which you know. Evie says you pick terrible girlfriends sometimes and let them twist you up in knots. Is that because you can't abandon them?" She was pretty sure he'd been engaged at least once in the years she'd known him.
"Yeah, it was, uh...grade school? Maybe? I don't know exactly. but we needed things at home. So, I just sort of...procured said things." he admitted. "There wasn't really another way. And I had all these sisters, and they needed things, and dad couldn't quite make enough." he recalled. And he wondered if he'd told anyone that in the last decade. Probably not. It wasn't something he told people, period. It didn't exactly fit in with the sort of persona he displayed, but there it was. He blamed the wine, which he took another drink of. He listened to her, and smiled faintly. "You think of me when you think 'safe'?" he asked rhetorically. "Huh. Guess that's something. Better than what some people would say." At her last question he shrugged. "Yeah, probably. And it doesn't surprise me Evie says that. She's probably right." he said, giving that fairly easily. "I keep trying to find someone though. I know I probably don't seem like it, but family's important, and I want my own. Not that I'm not happy with it being just me and Baby J. But still." Also something he didn't readily hand out to people information-wise. "Just never works out." he said, sad in that last bit.
"You're the son. You were the man of the house when your dad is away. I'm sure he'd said that. Take care of your mother and sisters. And that's what you did and not many people out there would do that, let alone at a young age," she pointed out and set her wine glass down she she could shrug off her dressing gown, wearing her pajama pants and a matching t-shirt underneath. Nothing flashy compared to the niceness of the robe. And she knew that she might end up staining it. Leaning forward she refilled her glass a little bit and then kicked her feet up on the table and leaned back on the couch. "People do a lot of things for their families and god, you're not the only one who wants that. And of course you seem like it. You're a family man, Jim. You're a really wonderful father and you want the life you grew up in. The life that your parents showed you. The generosity and the love and everyone caring about one another and being there for each other. It's perfect. And you're allowed to want more. You want Chirp to have a mom who doesn't make her upset and run off and maybe have more kids." She looked at him with sad kind of smile on her face. "Fight for the life that you want and the life that I know you believe your daughter deserves, but you deserve it too." And maybe for the time being, she could at least help with that. Help with JJ and cook a little. Not just carry her weight around the house, but make the house seem like a home.
"No, I'm a career criminal is what I am, and most people would see that, not a family man." Jesse said. "And they'd be right. I mean, I've been trying to go straight...Baby J insists, and I've been doing alright, but it's part of my nature. I'll admit that." he said. "And maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm the problem, with not being able to pull off the family thing because of that. That nature thing." He shrugged, then drank a little more wine before he eyed her for a long moment. "Why do you do that?" he asked. "Call me Jim."
"Yeah, well I grew up with you. I only ever see the father or the son or the brother or the heroics you make to rescue damsels in distress." Jesse being a criminal wasn't something she was willfully blind to, it was just a side she really never personally saw. At his quiet eyeing, she shifted a little, wondering what he was scrutinizing until he spoke. "Well, your daughter share's your name for one and when I met Evie, there was a whole bunch of names I had to learn and the name Jesse James made me giggle because I'd read all about him and his gang and I didn't want to get you two confused. I was seven. And sometimes you call someone by their last name, but your last name is James and calling you James sounded like I was calling you some stuffy butler and the nickname for James is Jim so Jim you are and that way if I was ever talking about you and Chirp to Evie -- since we were just starting to be friends -- or my mom, there wouldn't be confusion and it just sorta stuck." She shrugged and sipped her wine. "I was seven. It made sense."
In Jesse's mind, it didn't make sense to differentiate two similar names by giving both of them entirely different ones. Especially to avoid confusion. Neither he or his daughter got to keep their name, after all. But in the end he just shrugged, and looked away again. "Just always makes me feel like you're not talking to me." he said. "I'm not a Jim, I never have been. I'm a Jesse. Makes it seem like you never did quite see me for who I was." Maybe she never had. And he never would have asked her about it if he'd not been drinking, but there it was.
"You never said anything about it," she said. "Otherwise I would've just gone to calling you Jesse." She looked away too, feeling her face burn. "Changing names made you mine. I was lonely and scared and I wanted a family but you all already had one and changing your names in my mind made you my family. E for Evelyn, Jim for Jesse, Gem for Ruby, Dee for Dorothy, Ginny for Virginia. JJ's chirp because she made chirpy sounds and it just stuck. There was nothing else there, she was just a baby." And that was something she wouldn't have ever said either if it wasn't for the wine and she shook her head. "There's nothing about stripping away identities or not seeing people for who they are, it was so I could fit in and I could tell the librarian who wanted to know where my mother was that 'Oh, my brother Jim is going to pick me up' so people didn't know that instead I was hiding out because my mom was too drunk and forgot. It was just another name to use when I told the girl at the bakery how my sister Dee is having a baby but no one would ever connect it." She shook her head again and took a large gulp of wine, feeling the alcohol go to her head. "It was just things that stuck. I stopped pretending a long time ago. You're still Jesse James, my best friend's older brother who flirts and does things that drives his sister up the wall and is a wonderful father because that's all I know of you. I don't know about career criminals."
"But you didn't fit in, you changed everyone to fit with you." Jesse said, after listening to her. "If you wanted to fit in, you just had to come over and be part of the family, which you did. And why tell people different things in order for them not to connect it, if you wanted to be a part of the family?" he asked, that part not making any sense to him. He considered the rest of what she said. "You don't really want to know the rest of what I've done." he told her, voice a little quieter, and he absently rubbed his thigh where the gunshot was, with the bottom of the wine glass he held.
"I was seven," she reminded him. "I had been a lonely girl for a long time. The concept of family to me was a great aunt that my mother got shipped to who cared for me and a mother I barely saw until my aunt died. I was still grieving when I met Evelyn." Becky sipped her glass and watched him rub his thigh curiously. "I guess when you're seven, you make up your own logic. If I lost you all too, well, at least I had a way of keeping you all with me so I wouldn't be so lonely. I stopped thinking that way after a little while. I did become part of your real family, but the names just stuck. My nicknames for the people that I cared about. Who cared about me." She shrugged and looked at her glass. "All that money you pulled out for the house and everything... isn't just because you've been scrimping and saving for fifteen years, is it?" she asked neutrally. There was no judgment there, just stating a suspicion that she had.
Normally he might have dodged the answer, but at the moment, he didn't. "Nope. It really isn't." he said, nodding lightly. "Just don't say anything." Not that he figured she would, but still. having that said out loud wasn't ever a bad plan. He took another drink from the glass he held, then ticked his gaze to her again. "You said you'd talk about you after I gave up what's going on with me." he said, thinking it was time to flip that switch now.
"Nightmares," she said after a moment of watching him. She wanted to ask him more questions, ask him if he was still doing it but he'd given her more than enough and she wouldn't press him. "I can't remember it when I wake up but it's this same overwhelming feeling that I'm lost and alone and something is chasing me. No matter what I do, I can't shake it and I don't know if I'd rather have those nightmares or the nightmares about him and how he'll find a way to get back at me, because at least maybe with those, I can push that worry away." Becky looked down at her glass and took a drink. Part of her wanted to refill it and go onto the fourth, but she didn't.
"Whenever I have nightmares for a while I always make sure before I go to sleep, that I'm really exhausted, and I specifically think about good things. Like, Baby J, or I don't know...anything. I can't promise that it'll help, but it's something." he suggested. It gave away that sometimes he had nightmares, but that was alright. He did. Flat out, he did. "And good, you know that he's not going to be able to get to you." he tacked onto the end. He was glad she felt safe there.
"Especially with you guarding the door with your superhuman reflexes," she teased with a smile. "I was hoping I'd be exhausted enough today with all the unpacking and everything. Just the way it is, I guess, but I'll try that. The thinking of happy things." It was worth a shot. "I'm wondering if I should go back and get the rest of my clothes and things. I don't want to sell anything off yet." The jewelry she'd brought with her had caused a dilemma. She could sell them but that would mean she wouldn't have any jewelry left, but it would mean she'd be able to get rid of it. It didn't feel like it should be a hard decision, but deep down, Becky liked wearing the jewelry. She just couldn't figure out if she should keep it or not.
He quirked a half smirk. "That's just paranoia and survival skills." he admitted. "You don't really live a life like mine, and not settle into some really heavy paranoia. You don't live long if that happens." He considered what else she said though then shrugged. "Why don't you just say 'hey, Jesse, I need some new clothes along with a mutt I haven't picked out yet, want to hand over some cash you clearly have lying around somewhere'?" he suggested. "Then I can say 'sure, little Becky, I've got some clothes and dog money for you, let's hook that up in the morning'."
She giggled at the conversation he presented, finding it funnier with the three glasses of wine in her than maybe she normally would. "I'm pretty sure offering me wine means that I'm past the little Becky mark here," she pointed out after the laughter subsided. "Just because you clearly have cash laying around doesn't mean I feel comfortable asking for it, but I guess if you're offering, it would be rude to say no, wouldn't it?" She knew he was being generous but it still felt uncomfortable asking for money.
"Sure would." Jesse said, smiling at her, and he took another drink of his wine, which killed it, and he eyed the bottle as he considered more. "It'd be really rude. So, you should just go with it. Smile, nod, go by yourself a pretty dress, and an ugly dog, and all'll be well in the house of James." he told her. Yeah, he wasn't sure he should have another drink. Eh. Maybe one more.
There was still a little wine left in her own glass but Jesse had the right idea with refills and when he was done she refilled hers. There wasn't much left in the bottle now. "House of James, you say?" she drawled in a very convincing southern accent. "Shall we start addressing you as Master James per your proud status as Master of this house? Cheers on your well made purchase by the way," she toasted him. "And I accept your generous offer."
Jesse snorted. "Woman, I am under no illusions that I am master of this household." he told her, flashing a grin and taking a drink. "I gave up the ghost on that when Baby J was three, and could just give me those big soulful eyes of hers and get any damn thing she wanted." he admitted. "That accent works for you though." he added, and he clinked his glass against hers. "Cheers." he agreed.
"Why thank you," she continued with the drawl and the best demure smile she could give. "That should be even more of a reason to address you as so. You can pretend and have something to say when you object. 'As Master of this house, I do so object!' and then we could say 'Yes, sir, as you wish' and you can feel in control for a little while." She winked at him and took a drink.
Chuckling, Jesse shook his head, and took another drink, smirking at her. "So you can both turn around and do exactly the opposite? Naw. I'll just stick with knowing exactly where my place is; as the guy who vetts all males interested, and the money tree." he said, rubbing again lightly at his thigh. "Otherwise I'd just be living a lie, and I'm not very good at that." he admitted.
"Living a lie is never fun," Becky agreed in her regular voice. She noticed him rubbing his leg again. "It hurts the the people we care about but it also hurts us. Your leg okay?" She wondered if he'd hurt himself with all the moving, but Jesse had a slight limp for awhile know and she wondered if he'd done something to his leg.
When she asked, he stopped the motion, it drawing attention to the fact that he was doing it at all. "Uh...kind of." he said. "It's healed, I guess. Just hurts sometimes." he told her, and again, part of him recognized that it was something he'd have avoided in a state of sobriety. He'd have just told her it was fine, and not to worry about it. But he was feeling more honest than that currently.
Becky watched him softly. Her limbs felt a little heavy from the wine but she took another healthy gulp of wine before putting the glass down on the table and scooted a little closer to him. She pulled a leg up on the couch and turned a bit more so she was facing him. She felt kind of drunk but there was still enough of her wits about her that she could tell that something was wrong and she was sure that it was because he had a lot to drink too. She reached out, hesitant at first, then rested her hand on his shoulder. "Jesse?" she said. "What happened?" She said Jesse this time. Not Jim. Jesse.
He turned his head, first resting his gaze on her hand, then past it to her face. He didn't say anything for a moment. But he did catch the whole name thing. Which was nice. And, in the moment, he couldn't really come up with either a deflection or a lie, so he just went with the truth. "I got shot." he told her. "Took a long time to heal, but it didn't really heal right. Not perfect, anyways."
With the rubbing of his leg and the mentioning of it getting hurt, Becky thought it might've been something serious, but hearing him actually say that he got shot was another thing entirely. "Christ, Jess," she breathed and gripped his shoulder, not sure if she should hug him or not, if he'd even accept that. There was a sad look on her face and she shut her eyes for a moment. "Is... is that how you got the money?"
Jesse looked away, unsure if he really wanted to answer that or not. In the end he shrugged. "Sort of." he said. "It wasn't really meant to go down like it did. Wasn't my plan in the first place, and things went...about as wrong as they could." he told her, and there was a haunted sort of quality to his voice, and his expression for a few heartbeats. "My daughter was pretty unimpressed with it. She made me promise to keep my nose clean after that." Which he'd been trying very hard to do. Then he held up one finger. "Her not knowng I stole a car to get you home is a good thing." he put out there, just so that didn't get brought up.
'Wrong as they could' was pretty wrong and nodding, Becky finally went in and wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. It was a little awkward but she did it anyway. She didn't say anything, she just hugged him.
He was really unsure what to do in that moment. She kind of smelled nice, something he noticed from her being that close, and her hair was soft against the side of his neck. But she was also someone he'd always considered a sister, so there was a whole lot of conflicting sorts of impulses in his head. But it wasn't like he was blind--she was beautiful. It wasn't as if he'd failed to notice. And he'd been doing pretty well not at all thinking a damn thing about it til right there in that moment, when he recognized it all in a stark little moment of drunken clarity. Shit. He reached up, sort of half patting her shoulder, since he was aware he shouldn't just sit there and do nothing, he just needed to get over his little moment of 'beautiful woman hanging on me'. Sure, that was it. Right. He drew in a breath and let it out in a light sigh. "I never actually told anyone about this." he said, voice quiet, and sounding just a touch surprised. The only person who really knew was Helena, and she was gone. Who the fuck knew where. Maybe the O'Malleys had taken her wherever they disappeared to. If they weren't all dead. If she wasn't dead.
Becky squeezed him lightly when he spoke again, doing her best to give him the reassurance that he might need although what she was trying to reassure, she couldn't be entirely sure. If she was more sober then she could. "I'm sad for you that you had to go through that," she said, lifting her head a little bit so he could hear her. Her hand came up to stroke the back of his hair in an automatic gesture of comfort. Later on she couldn't deny that he didn't smell good himself, that it wasn't nice to be leaning against him, but there was still an overwhelming sense of safety there and she just wanted to give some of it back. "And I'm so glad that you're okay."
He closed his eyes for a heartbeat when she started in on the petting thing. That was nice too. Again, shit. He tried to ignore it, though, he was just more and more aware of her there, lightly pressed against him and all. It was probably a good thing that he was very much thinking about the worst event of his life and all. That could counteract inappropriate thoughts and leanings. And that itself contributed to his not stopping the story where it was. "The worst part wasn't getting shot, it was losing a friend. Was his stupid idea in the first place," he continued, partially turning his face towards hers, but he'd felt her breath against his skin and he just wasn't sure that was a great plan. "He was always an idiot, got in deep with some people, needed an out, and that was the out. I never did jobs like that, I'm not violent by nature, I don't like guns, I don't like hurting anyone. Case a joint and go in when the building's fucking empty, that's the way to go. But this was something else, and it just all...went south. And some poor bastard in the wrong place at the wrong time died, and I got shot, and Eddie, he didn't die right away, but he did a few days later. Which was probably worse." Shut up. Seriously. Shut the fuck up. She doesn't need to know this, no one needs to know this.
As he spoke, Becky kept stroking his hair, sifting her fingers through it and her other hand rubbed soothing circles at the base of his neck. She was trying not to think about how close his face was to hers when he turned to speak and so she just kept her own face still because this was uncharted territory when it came to her and Jesse. That aside, he was talking about things that were clearly difficult and Becky focused on that. No, he was violent by nature but he was an Oncoming Storm, one that built up when those he cared about were in trouble and she counted herself lucky to be one of them. The hardest part was that she didn't know what to say to him about it, so she just kept quiet. She didn't move away, she didn't give any indication that she might be scared of him (she wasn't), Becky just kept up what she was doing and just held on to him.
It was soothing, that petting thing. He looked down at his glass again, and took another drink from it, not sure what to say then. Or what to do. Generally there was a state of indecision going on. So, he took the safest route. "I should probably go to bed." he told her, tone light. He should probably not be sitting there, drunk, talking about shit he shouldn't talk about, while being petted by a pretty girl who was a little too close at the moment. Yeah that was more the way it was.
"Yeah," Becky said and slowly pulled away. "It's late." She kissed his cheek and moved fully away from him. What did she say now? That it was all going to be okay? Thank him for pouring out his heart to her? What did you say to something like that? "Are you going to be okay?" she asked. That sounded good, because it could easily be applied to her.
Jesse stood, and started picking up the wine glasses and such, remembering the last time he'd had something to drink and Jessie had freaked out over it. So, he didn't want to put himself through that again. "Yeah, I'm always okay." he told her, giving a light smile but there was something a little off about it. He always felt that way though, after thinking about what happened. "...don't say anything, okay?" he said. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Becky looked a little startled as he started cleaning things up. She was thinking of taking the rest of her wine upstairs when it seemed that he was giving her a kind of dismissal. "I won't, I promise." Who would she say this stuff to anyway? Not like Evie had been around since the awkward conversation the previous week and she certainly wouldn't worry JJ over any of this. "I'll see you in the morning." She gave him a light smile in return and headed upstairs. Her thoughts were muddled with the wine as she tried to work through what had just happened that she forgot to grab her robe.
Jesse noticed it there, and half considered bringing it up to her, but in the end decided that wasn't the brightest idea he'd ever had. So, instead he just went about cleaning up, before he headed back to bed, hopefully to actually get some sleep this time around.