Secrets and Promises

Who: Angelo and Shoshannah
Where: his apartment
When: Morning

Everything was amazing, everything. This morning saw Angelo in a mood where he felt like he could tell a thousand different stories, or one that might never end. Sitting in his apartment with a mug of tea in hand, his only movement for some time had been from a set of simple things. Breathing, of course; drinking in the aroma of his tea slowly and savoring the hints of orange. Smiling, which he couldn't seem to stop doing. And looking from point A to point B. A was the little slip of paper he'd been given last night at the end of the gallery showing, a tally of pieces sold that had been organized by the Walkers' people. He'd sold over twenty paintings in that first night alone, each one proclaimed a must-have by one of the Walkers' associates, and at the end of the week? They'd be gone, he'd have nearly four thousand dollars in their place. It would hurt to never see them again, too, but the money? The money could be the start of something far greater, the money was a fistful of seeds to sow dreams from.

Point B, more importantly, was the curled up form in his bed, snuggled tight under layers of blankets. Shoshannah was sleeping as she so often did, her face a mask of peaceful contemplation with hints of a smile on her lips, and even the hints were enough to keep Angelo's own grin in place. Last night had been perfect, from the opening to her reassurances that banished Angelo's nerves to the time spent back here, just the two of them. And while he'd slept, it had been as deep and restful as Angelo could imagine, but he hadn't slept for long. He'd had too many waking dreams to consider, after all.

That was why he wasn't moving much at all, why he'd settled in with his tea and stayed there. Because everything could change so soon, and even if it changed for the better? He wanted to remember this moment, when things were still simple for him. "Got myself a roof an' a reason to smile," he murmured to himself, "Each man oughta be so lucky." Sipping his tea, Angelo finally commited himself to moving as he set the mug aside and leaned forward. He'd wondered about this a while ago, the idea coming from some old story he'd heard as a child in the orphanage, and if there was ever a time to try it? It was now. The idea was simple, as most of his were: getting close seemed to overwhelm Shoshannah and make her condition rise up, but what if that was how she started her day? Wouldn't that make it the norm? Determined to find out, Angelo leaned in, kneeling on the floor as he did what fairytale princes did so often and woke Shannah with a kiss.

Shoshannah's night had been a flurry that she was lucky to stay awake for. She wouldn't have known what to do with herself had she lost control during Angelo's show, but she was lucky that wasn't something she'd had to deal with. When she'd gotten back to his apartment, yes, but she'd been wide-eyed and attentive during his show. She was there at his side when he needed her, donning the pale green dress that Elle had lent her, and when he hadn't needed her she'd been shooting as many pictures of the show as she could.

Angelo had given her the money for her new camera and she fully intended to pay him back for that and his painting no matter what, but she had certainly wanted him to enjoy the fruits of his own labor by taking as extensive a group of pictures as she could.

She was still sleeping peacefully when Angelo had woken up, curled up in his oversized pajamas and under the covers on his bed, and had intended to sleep for as long as possible but that wasn't what would happen. Not when she felt something soft against her, pulling her out of the heavy state of sleep slowly. It took her a moment to find her way back to Angelo's apartment, and a moment longer to find out that it was his lips pressed against her that had woken her up in the first place. Still groggy, Shoshannah broke into a sleepy smile and lifted a hand to place on his cheek, but didn't pull away. It was odd, the sensation of being between sleep and Angelo this way, but it left her with a surprisingly pleasant feeling. She could feel the makings of a giggle happening, but tried to hold it back for now. But she did know if she could wake up like this more often, she'd definitely be less angry about actually falling asleep.

Maybe there was a slight buzz from the threat of a giggle, or maybe he imagined it. In any case, Angelo couldn't be bothered to worry as he smiled against her lips, leaning down into Shoshannah and devoting long moments to the kiss. Even when he broke away, he didn't go far, still leaning on the bed and letting his head rest next to hers on the pillow as he ran a hand run over the covers and down her side. "I been awake for hours now," he murmured, "So why's it still seem like I'm dreamin'?" A strage greeting to give someone when waking them, sure, but by now? He hoped that Shoshannah would come to expect that sort of thing from him.

Shoshannah mirrored that dreamy feeling easily, eyes half-lidded as she gazed Angelo's way. She was much too content to make any sort of movement except to snuggle down into the bed more. "Good morning to me..." She said with a smile. "You're not the only one dreaming here. Why didn't you wake me up sooner?" When she did make a movement, it was only to bring a sleeve-covered hand up to her face and rub some lingering sleep from her eyes.

"Woulda meant shiftin' my own dream a spell sooner," Angelo answered, feeling blindly down to the floor for his mug of tea and carefully raising it up to the edge of the bed, "An' this is one I don' feel like wakin' up from." He leaned back in, gently kissing her forehead and feeling fro Shannah's other hand, then tucking the mug of tea into it. "You can catch a few more hours if you like," he confided in a quiet voice, "It's a short shot down to Chinatown, I could bring back some grub..."

Shannah took hold of the mug, giving herself another moment to just close her eyes and be there with him in the shrunken world they loved so much. Then she was sitting up on her elbow, sipping the tea he'd offered her slowly. "I want to go," She said, shaking her head. "We haven't been to Chinatown together and you live right by it. Let's go together?" Holding the mug back out to him, the sleep in Shannah's eyes slowly started to give way to the shine she had when around Angelo. "But if I get woken up like that every time I fall asleep, I might be sleeping a lot more."

"Might not be so bad a thing," Angelo teased quietly, still laying his head on the pillow and looking up at Shannah, "'Cept you's guaranteed to miss some fine moments in this world, an' I don' want you to." Not even if it meant they could have moments like that one, which was something Angelo wondered over. Could they ever be close or exposed to one another without her condition intruding? He would never press the subject, and was in fact quite happy with how things were, but in moments like these? He wondered. "But that's a grade-A idea, Ms. Hagel," he went on, grudgingly withdrawing from the bed, "So long as you don' mind missin' what folks is sayin', I think you'd like the sights. I'll give you a few to get dressed." He rose from his kneel on the floor, pressing a light kiss to Shoshannah's cheek before moving to his tiny closet and tugging a worn old flannel shirt from a hanger, throwing it on over thin arms before moving from the bedroom.

"You know Mandarin, I'm not going to be missing anything," She smiled at him, looking, for once, actually really awake. She watched him go and slipped out of bed, raising her hands above her head for a long stretch. It was funny, but for once she actually felt awake and wasn't concerned about her condition. It felt like it was the farthest thing from her mind. It made her feel entirely too happy and she instantly wanted to tell Angelo, wanted him to know that today felt different for some reason. But she'd have to wait just a few minutes.

In the meantime, she slipped out of his pajamas and into the same dress from the night before, thinking it was a little formal for breakfast out, but knowing it didn't matter. Angelo would at least get to see her in green again. While waiting for him, she brought the mug into the kitchen and surveyed his apartment now that the paintings were gone. It looked empty, but she knew that that emptiness might breed new, incredible things for Angelo and his paintings and she was eager to see them come to light.

He wasn't in the bathroom for long, just enough to splash water on his face and tuck in his shirt as well as roll the cuffs of his flannel, and then he was out and rejoining Shannah. "I know a lil' Mandarin," he corrected with a slight laugh, "Enough to haggle prices an' pick up on an unkind name bein' tossed my way, which is usually a good clue that it's time to beat feet." The nice thing about his apartment being so small, he figured, was that he didn't miss anything she said even when he was technically two rooms away. That, and the fact that he was never denied a view of her for long. So even with the sleep-mussed hair and the wrinkles in her dress? She was a sight to behold, a feeling that showed in his eyes. "C'mon," Angelo insisted, holding hands out to her and backstepping towards his door, "Let's go be a pair a'strangers in a strange land, yeah?"

Shoshannah had tried to work a little magic on her hair but really hadn't gotten much done with it, except that she'd found one of Angelo's hats in the process and was in the motions of popping it onto her head when he came back into the room. Smiling, she wasted no time in coming to his side again and took both hands with a smile on her face, nodding. "You know, I think it's going to be a good day. I don't feel tired at all. Not even in the back of my head. I don't feel it at all today." Using his leverage, she slipped her feet into her heels again and was instantly a little taller. "I bet I won't fall asleep once. Or at least, it doesn't feel like I will."

"Naw? What feels different, then?" Angelo asked in honest, hopeful surprise as he gave the brim of the Gatsby she wore a little tip. Maybe it was something as simple as elation over how wonderful yesterday had been, and that would be enough for him if it was. Feelings like that could do amazing things, in Angelo's experience, and compared to the misery and loneliness Shannah had confessed to feeling because of her condition before? Anything that made her feel like today might be different was something he wanted to hear more about.

She laughed a small laugh, took hold of his hand again, and tugged him toward the door. "Not sure, exactly. I think it's a lot of things, but most of all I think it has to do with you." She didn't look at him yet, feeling a burn in her cheeks from her blush. "You help. I don't know why exactly, but you do. Maybe it's because I know you're not going anywhere, or that I can't scare you off with it. Or maybe it's all in my head and I'll fall asleep in Chinatown and you'll have to carry me back here, but it doesn't feel that way, for once. It just feels normal and I like it." When she finally looked back at him, she was smiling again. "But I have you to thank you it, I'm sure."

There wasn't anything he could say immediately, not with something like that being laid out for him. At least there was nothing that would do justice to how it made Angelo feel, like his heart was threatening to crack ribs from swelling up, or the warmth of his tea had turned up and permeated his entire body. So he said nothing initially, stepping outside with Shoshannah and moving up the short stairway onto the street level. Once they were up there, though? He stepped in behind her, sliding arms around her waist and leaning in, letting her set their pace as Angelo craned in towards her ear. "So stay," he murmured, "We help each other, Sho, an' I... I like that. Don' wanna lose it. So leave that hotel an' jus'... stay. Ever'thing's changin' for me, but this feelin? I don' want this to follow suit."

It surprised her. She'd just started walking again to try and set a pace that wasn't awkward in their current position when his words hit her. She stared straight ahead, letting them sink in. Stay? Really, truly stay? As in..move in with him? It was tempting, definitely. She could see herself now waking up in Angelo's little apartment next to him, feeling happy as ever, but could she really do something like that? Just leave a place that had been so generously provided for her? The last thing she wanted to seem was ungrateful, but Angelo's offer was so tempting. "Why does it have to change? Do you think it'll change if I stay at the Drake?" Turning in his arms, she looked up at him with the first hint of seriousness she'd had that day. "You'd really want me around all the time?"

Fleetingly, even if it felt like too long, he removed one arm from Shannah to dig in a pocket long enough to find the tally from the art show. Still walking slow with her, he unfolded it in front of Shannah and held it there for her to see. "I know it ain't a fortune? But it's a lot," Angelo explained softly, "'Nough that things is gonna change even if I din' need 'em to, an' maybe they should, you know? Maybe... maybe we can do somethin' good together, get a new place, rent out a spot uptown an' do art shows f'people all the time. I want you there for that, not... not livin' where people go to put they lives on pause an' sleep in a bed that nobody actually owns, even if it's cushy an' the manager's your friend."

Shannah placed a hand on his arm to steady it so she could really look at the tally and what she saw there took her breath away. But before she could say anything at all, he was offering her something more. Offering to find a place with her, to move in together and start something that sounded a little too amazing to really believe it was true at first. "Angelo..." Her voice was quiet, too quiet for what she wanted, as she looked back at him. "This is amazing. Really amazing." She wanted to say yes, she wanted to say yes really badly, but could she? "But honestly, you're sure? I know you said I wasn't going to run you off, but think about this. Do you really want to deal with this every day?" She made a vague gesture to herself, meaning her condition more than anything else.

It was a fair question to ask, though in Angelo's specific case it wasn't her condition that he thought might come between them. It was his. He couldn't keep that hidden if he did this, there would be too much of a chance of things falling apart. Realistically, there might be the chance that his art would suffer without the breezy feeling of his highs, and it wasn't just the idea of sobriety that spooked Angelo, it was also the idea that there might be a day when he didn't dream so vividly. But he knew things were changing, and more, he wanted them to. "I'm sure," he said at last, giving Shannah a light hug, "An' I know we's gonna hit some bumps in the road, there's gon' be things we can't predict, but that don' mean I'm gonna skip tryin' just to feel safe."

Shoshannah watched Angelo for a long time, weighing her options. She could stay at the Drake and run off every chance she had to Angelo's apartment, or she could stay with Angelo and have a place that belonged to her in part, like he said. And if she was with Angelo, she could free up the space she was selfishly hoarding from Ian but part of her wondered if Ian would be upset she was leaving. He'd seemed so keen on her staying and he'd been so kind to her that she felt somewhat guilty for wanting to leave, but she knew she couldn't stay in a hotel forever. It wasn't a home. So finally, she nodded, turning to Angelo with a smile that was less sure of itself but brimming with a sort of nervous excitement. "Let's do it," She said, lacing her hand with his to give it a tight squeeze. "But will you help me find a way to thank Ian for the room at the Drake? He's been so kind to me, I just don't want him to think I've taken his kindness for granted."

"'Course I will," came a free, easy answer from Angelo as he felt a thrum of excitement. She said yes? She said yes. And that fact opened up a thousand new things for him to consider, but they wouldn't go anywhere today, whereas today was on a time limit. Today was for celebrating with Shannah, and tomorrow he could think his day away. "We could take him out, maybe?" he suggested as they walked around the corner, finally getting a glimpse of Chinatown waiting for them, "Or... y'could do up some photos, jus' for him? Hell, I held onto a few pieces, an' if you think he might want one..."

"Maybe..." She said, letting her voice trail off as she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. As her smile grew, she turned and stopped their stroll to Chinatown, instead putting her hands on his arms and looking up at him. There was so much she wanted to say. That she was excited, that she was a little nervous, that she was thankful he'd asked her, that this could be the start of something unbelievable. But instead she just watched him for a moment and stood on her tip toes, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. When she did pull back, she gripped his arms gently. "This is a big step, isn't it?"

It was the first time he could recall Shannah ever doing that, initiating something between them, and that spoke volumes to Angelo both about just how good she was feeling today and how thrilled the offer had made her. "Biggest one I think I took, period," he confirmed with an anxious smile, "Far-off second? First night I bluffed my way into the Kitten's band an' din' crash an' burn. An' you know it spooks me now like it did then? But same 'tween the two, it's a good sort of spookin'. You got me to the first time in a long time that I wanted somethin' more for myself, girl."

She took a step closer to him, her smile widening. "This way we can find something more together. You'll be there for me, I'll be there for you. And we can weather what comes next with each other's help." She smiled again, standing once more on her tip toes to press another soft, quick kiss to his lips again. "And I'm nervous too...but you're right. We'll never know if we don't try. I just wanted you to know that." Smiling, she laced her arm with his now. "And now we can start walking to Chinatown again," Shannah added with a laugh.

"S'not like it's goin' somewhere," Angelo said, eyes flashing with warmth as Shannah withdrew. "Alls we gotta puzzle out is where we's headin'. They don' really do breakfast like I'm bettin' you're used to, but I know a stellar lil' cart we can grab some steamed buns from. Maybe get a cuppa tea an' just sit?" It was a nice enough day out, after all, and the best way to really experience the foreign culture of Chinatown, in Angelo's book, was to find somewhere comfortable and literally immerse yourself.

"Lead the way," She said, leaning into him as she walked. "If we're going to do Chinatown, we really ought to do it right. Lucky you know what you're doing." Shannah would be all too happy to sit with Angelo on a curb somewhere with a breakfast of steamed buns and tea with honey. "You know the best places to go in Chinatown. I couldn't be in better hands," She said, looking back up at him with that same smile as from before.

Angelo laughed, slipping an arm across Shannah's shoulders and resuming the lazy pace of their walk. "Dunno 'bout the best," he corrected, "I know places I can afford, though. An' a lot 'round here runs cheaper than in the rest of the city, so's I can afford a lot of 'em." Sure, there were some he couldn't swing back in the day, higher-class eateries and tailors that Angelo heard catered to gangsters, but because of that sort of talk? He didn't mind not going. "Nihao Mrs. Lu!" he called to an older Chinese woman as she walked from a shop across the street, grinning as she actually gave him a smile and wave in kind. "The Lus is my landlords," he explained conspiritorially, "I don' think they ever smiled so much at me as when I paid for a full month's rent in one shot."

Shannah watched the older woman smile and it made her smile in turn, seeing that Angelo could make someone else just as happy as he made her just as easily. She tightened her grip on his waist and waved to the woman as well, looking back up at Angelo when he whispered to her. She gave a light laugh at his joke, her smile widening. "Before too long, we'll be paying rent to someone else. Unless you were thinking of renting and were thinking of buying instead?"

"Prolly could, very probably indeed," Angelo mused, walking with her for a little stand set up on the corner ahead of them where even now one man worked the stand itself while another carried an empty rack back into the shop behind him. "I dunno if I'm ready to own me some property or nothin', though. An' a lil' bit of this gots to go towards hostin' another gallery show, right?" He lit up again at that, just as excited for the chance to give back to the city, and to show it some of the wonderful artists living inside of it. "Shoot, thinkin' 'bout what I actually own? We gonna need to get some furniture to boot. But once we do, I'm bettin' it'll feel fine for you to show your folks your own place an' introduce 'em to an artist who ain't so starvin'." He hoped this feeling could last, that later tonight when she left he wouldn't sneak back to his pipe.

Shannah smiled as she watched the cart for a moment but then she turned to look at him. She agreed that some of this money should go to another show if that was what Angelo wanted, but all this talk of furniture and moving in together had her thinking of one specific part of his words. "You'd like to meet my parents?" She asked, a bright smile forming on her lips. "Even after all I've told you about my mother, you still want to meet her?"

"'Course I would," Angelo assured her, nodding in time with his steps, "Ain't everyone out there gon' be a good person, sure, but everyone got some connection to good people in their lives. Your momma? She could have snakes for hair an' I'd still wanna shake her hand jus' for bringing you into this world." He wasn't expecting a warm reception even in the best circumstances, really. Angelo was a black man seeing someone's Jewish princess, after all, not to mention the fact that even his newfound finances didn't really change his social standing. "An' your pops? For sure, doll, just in case he was the one who stitched my head back together."

She couldn't help the smile that formed on her lips. Angelo was willing to meet her parents even though her mother would be more rude to him than the store clerk had and her father wouldn't approve of him. Just knowing that meant a lot to her. When it came to her, she knew the exact kind of person that her parents wanted her to end up with. A nice Jewish boy of good standing, preferably one they'd already chosen for her. But there was no way any Jewish boy she'd ever met could stand up to Angelo. No boy at all. She leaned in close again and pressed a kiss to his cheek, squeezing his hand tighter. "That means a lot to me. And when we find the perfect time, we'll introduce you to them, but for now let's focus on where we want to live. We should go apartment hunting soon, don't you think? I don't know much about it, but I suppose I could get a copy of the Echo and start circling places?"

He wished they could start so soon, but Angelo was very aware of the details that still hindered these plans. Some were financial, others were personal. "Well, we still got a week 'fore I get paid one thin dime of this scratch," he reminded Shannah, smiling encouragingly anyway, "An' I kinda wanna meet your folks first? I mean, I don' expect it goin' well or nothin', but I think it'd go better if we wasn't cohabitatin'. Father McElhenny from St. Pete's told me that was a sin 'fore marriage." Angelo chuckled warmly with that, figuring the Catholic church didn't hold much sway on either himself or Shoshannah, but knowing all the same that it'd make for a worse impression with her parents. "There's somethin' else too," he warned, "But let's get some grub first, yeah?"

Grudgingly releasing her hand, Angelo stepped closer to the food stall they'd been heading for with a grin, firing off a slew of words in Mandarin as he talked back and forth with the vendor and eventually handing over a dollar in exchange for two fairly large, steaming buns that were each cradled in wax paper. "I got vegetable," he told Shannah as he stepped back, "They only do veggie an' pork, an' I may not know much 'bout Hebrew? But I know what kosher means. Careful, they's still hot."

Shannah watched with a sense of awe as Angelo spoke to the vendor. There was something so fitting about Angelo here, speaking with the vendor like they were old friends. When he handed her the bun, she held it carefully and let it warm her hands. "Don't tell my parents, but I've had pork before. I don't see the point of not trying something, especially since while they were at Temple, I was mostly asleep. And honestly, I don't care for it much but it wouldn't turn my nose up at it if that was what I was eating." She shrugged a little. "But they'd be really unhappy, so let's just keep that our little secret."

Angelo didn't think he'd have enough face time with her mother that he could share a secret if he'd wanted to, not based on what Shoshannah had told him of her, but he still nodded in agreement. "I ain't big on it anyway, but my lips are sealed," he promised, peeling off a strip of dough from the outside and blowing on it before eating, "Any other secrets I should be keepin'? I figure we got enough time 'fore we hit the teahouse I know about to air 'em an' let these buns cool off a touch." And he was waiting for that for himself too, wanting to get an outside table at the small shop and be seated before he confessed his addiction. He had to shake it if they were going to have any kind of shared life, he couldn't be a slave to the pipe in that scenario.

Shannah followed his example, pulling off a strip of the dough and blowing on it to cool it down just as he had. "Mm...I don't think so. I told you the only thing that bothered me..." About Ian and the way he'd treated her after his mugging. But Angelo had assured her there was nothing to worry about so other than that, she couldn't think of any secrets she might need to tell him. But now she was worried, concerned about the ominous 'airing of the secrets' Angelo seemed to be waiting for. "...Can we take these buns to a tea house? We could find one now?" She asked, looking back up at him with an obvious concern.

"A'course we can," Angelo answered, smiling to try and assuage Shannah's concern even if he felt anxious over it himself, "All's we gotta do is pay for a pot, leave a good tip, an' they wouldn't care two bits if we had the restaurant up the street bring us down a Szechuan duck." He pointed ahead of them a ways, gesturing at the hanging sheetmetal sign above one shop. "Right up there, that's Jing Wu Teas, s'where I get all the stuff back at my place," Angelo explained, biting into his bun afterwards. He knew he wouldn't be eating much once he told Shannah about the drugs, and Angelo had been raised frugally enough that he never let food go to waste.

"Well, that's nice. And then everyone gets something. The tea shop gets paid and so does the restaurant down the street. I like that." She said, taking a cautious bite into her bun only to find out it hadn't cooled down enough for her. Awkwardly, she took in a quick gasp of air, eyes wide in Angelo's direction. "Still too hot!" It was followed by a fervent chewing until Shannah was able to swallow the bite. Exhaling a sigh, she glanced at Angelo with a laugh. "Ok...so maybe it's still a bit too hot for me."

"It'll seem cool next to a hot tea," he promised, grinning at the slight misfortune, or more at Shannah's reaction to it. "An' that's Chinatown in a nutshell, Sho; everyone gets somethin'. Walk 'round enough an' you'll see it, they don' like dealin' with the rest of the city too much. Got their own lil' closed system here, an' they work it to a point where most ever'thing turns up right in their neighborhood." He knew it couldn't be entirely self-sufficient, but Angelo had never thought of a gap in the basic amenities available here. "'Course, that means you an' me get the same dirty looks as the cops when they roll on through, jus' for bein' gweilo, but learn a touch of the language an' they's much nicer," he advised as they walked, laughing again, "But then you gotta pick, right? Cantonese, Mandarin, Korean, Japanese, who knows what else? I jus' know you'll hit the language barrier sooner or later 'round here."

"Maybe you'll teach me some Mandarin if you have the time," She suggested, looking back at him before taking another, even more cautious bite of the bun. This time it was a much more manageable temperature, even if it was still on the hot side for her. "But I kind of like how closed off it is. It makes this place special, like a little world inside the city and we get the honor to be a part of it sometimes."

He didn't want to ruin any of Shannah's views on things, not with how good of a day she seemed to be having. And really, he was bound to ruin things soon anyway when he told her the truth, but Angelo didn't want to compound it all. She didn't need to know how little of an honor it was to stand out in this part of town so much. "S'got its' problems, same as anywhere," he waxed as they neared the tea house, "But it's like when I go uptown, y'know? If you ain't from there, you don' see what's wrong so easy. Makes it a bit easier to jus' enjoy it."

Stopping by one of the few tables outside, Angelo leaned in to kiss Shoshannah's temple before withdrawing. "Grab a seat, it's only gon' take me two seconds to order us a pot."

Shannah strolled with him, intermittently taking bites of her steamed bun while they walked. She supposed he was right, that she couldn't see what was wrong with Chinatown because nothing, in her mind, was really wrong with it. It was still all new territory for her, one she would have liked very much to share with Angelo. Once they reached the table, she smiled at him and nodded, slipping into a seat to wait for him. She would have liked to have gone with him and get to hear him speak in Mandarin again, but she figured saving them a table was just as important.

Stepping outside after a minute, Angelo moved in smooth strides for the table as he chewed a mouthful of his impromptu breakfast and slipped into a chair. "Got us some plum an' honeysuckle tea comin' up," he told Shoshannah, "Next time we come back, though? There's a real fine lookin' herbalist down the road a ways, I bet they got some amazin' blends there. Prolly costs a touch more, but I wouldn't mind givin' it a try."

Shannah was working her way fairly quickly through the steamed bun, feeling a bit more hungry than she'd actually thought she was earlier. She sat up a little straighter when Angelo came back, smiling a close-lipped smile as she chewed. "That sounds delicious," She said when she was free of food. Glancing over her shoulder as if she could see the shop from here, Shannah turned back when she realized that she couldn't. "I can pitch in," She offered, though she knew she still owed him for a lot more than just tea. She was running up a tab with him and would be adding to that very soon once they'd found a place.

"I figure that can be the first buy we make together," Angelo agreed readily, turning his focus to the remnants of his meal for a quiet moment. He wanted to bask in this while he could, because in a minute? There'd be a very real chance that Shannah wanted nothing else to do with him, that she'd want to get clear of the junkie. He was still quiet as their tea got brought out, nodding thanks and reaching to pour two cups from the small ceramic pot. "I... I don' want there to be no secrets with us," Angelo said first, taking his cup and breathing in the aroma of the tea, "An' I been keepin' one, but I don' wanna hoard it no more." He had to look away for a moment, ashamed of how this would seem to anyone who wasn't him as he spoke. "I got a problem, Sho. I got... a habit. An' I wanna shake it, I do, but jus' thinkin' 'bout tryin' spooks me."

Shannah took the cup and listened intently to him, feeling that nervousness kick in. She'd been wondering what he was going to tell her since he mentioned he had a secret to tell, so she expected something a little more forward. But a habit? What did that mean, exactly? Obviously a little confused, Shannah waited for him to finish before asking. "What do you mean, a habit? Just..a bad habit you need to get rid?"

Angelo nodded slowly, trying to focus in on the heat of the cup in his hands instead of the faint confusion in Shannah's eyes. It was going to get worse, he knew, and turn into disgust or pity or disappointment. "Exactly that, 'cept for the 'just' part," Angelo elaborated, frowning to himself. "I chase the dragon, Sho. Jus' bout every day since I was eighteen or so, I get a puff in. S'why I know Chinatown so well... ain't no one got a line on opium like these folks."

None of that made sense until he said opium. The only information she even had about opium was from her father, who talked to her about it in a very clinical way. She knew it was a drug, she knew it was a depressant. But she didn't know anything else about it. But still, the important part here was that Angelo was doing opium..and had been since he was eighteen years old. And Shoshannah was trying to wipe the shock off her face. "...But you want to stop?" That's what you said, right? What does it...do, exactly? Why do you...why?" She asked, knowing it was a lot of questions and knowing it was probably not what Angelo wanted to hear, but also knowing she needed answers.

Did he want to stop? Or to just not be addicted? It would be so easy if that was how it worked, if Angelo could only pick up the pipe when he wanted to feel inspired for a while. "I don't wanna need it," he said first, "'Cuz what I'm askin' of you, movin' in with me? Means I can't be needin' that for me, it wouldn't be fair t'you. An' if I can only choose one, I already know the choice." He needed to say that, for sure, because the shock on Shoshannah's face was somehow worse than he'd anticipated, and hearing his own thoughts out loud would hopefully reassure him.

What does it do? he thought, What don't it do? "It's sorta... sorta like it smooths ever'thing over. World gets soft, warm, light, like sheets that been hangin' in the sun on a hot day," he tried to explain, "Brings out blue skies when it's rainin', makes me feel like I'm dreamin' when I'm awake, slows down the world an' everyone in it so I can watch. So I can 'member 'em all, put 'em on a canvas with jus' the right colors." Which didn't sound bad at all, but none of that hinted at the days without it when he'd have shakes he couldn't dispel, and a temper that just didn't belong. "As for why? I jus' tried it one night, y'know? Out with the boys after a set at the Kitten, an' we's drinkin', roastin' a bone or two, an' one of the boys says I gotta try it. Kinda... came out of it the next day, but I had all these tunes I'd been writin'. And workin' up there, I din' never have no problems payin' for it either."

So he'd choose her over the opium, which was what he was doing now, but there was one part of his words that hit her too hard. Dreaming when he was awake. It was what they were based on, waking dreams. The two of them and what they had had started that night at the Round when she'd met him and he'd seemed in awe by her condition. And to hear that the same sort of feeling she'd had about him came from a drug scared her. A lot.

And for a moment that seemed so long, Shoshannah just stared off past him. She hadn't lost herself to her condition, but what she had done was feel like she had completely lost herself this confession. Slowly, she turned to Angelo, a frown on her lips. "So...is that the only way you can dream while awake? Is with opium? The only reason you understand me is because of the drug?"

Even if Angelo hadn't considered that she might ask something like that, he'd dreaded it anyway. The dread had been undefined, remaining a low and heavy sort of fear that lurked in the fringes of his mind, but now reared up and washed over him. "No," he whispered with an emphasis that made the soft tone seem loud, "I don' want you to ever think that, Sho. You hear? I... I been high 'round you once, jus' once, and I ain't never needed to be to feel like I knew you. Usually it's what I turn to when I wanna paint, 'cept lately? Less an' less, cuz you pose for me or let me paint you or... or I meet you an' a few days later we got honest, real blue skies overhead an' some part of me knows that ain't happenstance."

Was he rambling? He felt like he was, but Angelo knew he did that sometimes. When he was high, it was a vocal wander. When he was stressed, it was a case where no word seemed to fit the way it should. "I jus'... I don' think I need it no more, not to see what's good all 'round me. I din' need it the night I met you, or at the show, 'cuz I knew you was there. An' I don't need it to understand you, Shoshannah Hagel. Feels like I knew you 'fore I'd ever even met you."

Shannah was surprised by how much she wanted to cry. That look on Angelo's face hurt her, but it only served to mix in with the hurt she already felt and leave her feeling even worse. He was telling her no, that he didn't need it to believe her. No, that he'd felt like they'd known each other before they'd even met, and she could trust him on that one because she felt that way too, but even though he was telling her he hadn't been high around her but only once, it was hard for Shannah to believe that he didn't need it. "...I'm sorry..This is just a lot to take in," She said, feeling her voice quiver a little. She glanced away from him in an attempt to keep any oncoming tears at bay.

"Angelo..." She started, turning to look at him again when she felt a little more under control. "This is a lot. Are you one hundred percent positive that you don't feel the way you do because of the drugs." She trusted him with everything else, but this was something fundamental. This was something that really mattered. And she didn't want what they had to be based off of this drug and how it made him feel.

He was quiet for a long moment there, looking down into his tea cup as he tried to organize his thoughts. For once, he couldn't just let his tongue do what it wanted. This had to make sense, or she wouldn't believe him. "This is day two without me usin'," Angelo said quietly, "An' I can feel the urge there, you know? Go curl up on my sofa, put on a record, brew a cup an' just drift for a spell, but... it's day two. Day one? You an' me at the gallery, Sho, me knowin' you'd be there to hold me up, me knowin' there was someone solid to hold me up, to believe in me. An' havin' it be someone, be you, 'stead of a pipe. I want that more'n I want what I had, it's better in every way. How I feel ain't from the drugs, it's in spite of 'em."

All the words sounded right, but it didn't click in her head quite yet. She looked at him, straight in the eyes, that frown set on her features. "How can you promise me you won't use again? If that's what you want, not to use and rely on me instead, can you promise me that?" Did she need him to? Shannah's feelings towards the drug only stemmed from her believing that it altered the way he thought about her or the way he saw her. But did she really care about the fact that he was using them? Other than the fact that drugs in general were not her favorite things.

"I... I can't," Angelo admitted, his expression creasing in misery. He'd hoped too high for this, had expected the worst but still hoped blindly for the best. "I mean, you ain't seen what this does to people, Sho. There's these boys that don't ever leave the flophouses, they jus' keep smokin'. An' I ain't them, but I know I got a fight ahead of me." And that scared him, because he didn't want her there for it. Angelo expected to find dark places inside himself as he tried to beat his habit, none of them being anything he'd willingly expose himself to. "But there's a way, I know there is. I don' care if I gotta go down to the cop shop an' tell 'em to lock me up for a month, I'm gon' beat this, you'll see. Jus' tell me you'll be here when I do."

"I'm not going anywhere," Shannah responded, looking at him seriously. "I may not understand this right now..and I may never really understand this, but as long as I know that the drugs aren't what made you see me, then I'll be here." It was a very real statement for her. It wasn't a blanket 'I'll always be here' like she'd usually say. This time it had a stipulation and she hated that it had to, but she needed it to. "And I'll be with you to try and help if I can...but I think maybe we should hold off on finding a place until we know for certain this is going to work. That it's what you want even when you don't have the opium anymore." She hated the way the words sounded. Even though they weren't anything negative, just another added stipulation, she hated again that there had to be a condition on their plans. "Does that sound right to you? That we go like we have been for now, until you're ready?"

It didn't sound right, but Angelo nodded anyway. He'd hoped to find himself in a new situation entirely, something removed from his old life and his habits at the same time, but that hope was gone for the moment. And even worse, what they'd had was different now too, his confession had shifted it to a place where he needed to prove the truth of his words. No one had ever asked him that before, because he'd only ever been telling stories. Angelo could feel a wall forming in that moment, some internal barrier that was determined to hold back the grief, as well as the frustration of trying to stay sober. He would do this on his own, just like every other piece of his life since childhood. "Sounds 'bout as right as any of this can," he agreed weakly, swallowing tea without tasting it.

Shannah didn't believe him, or that this was actually happening right now. It was so much and it became suddenly difficult for her to sit there and look at him. She could feel a change and she hated it. They'd been so happy and she'd relied on the knowledge that he saw her and now..this was all too much.

Forgetting the tea for now, she reached across the table and took his hands, looking at him seriously. "We have to..No, we have to make this right." He'd just told her something that had obviously been very hard for him to tell her. Just like when she'd told him about her condition and he hadn't reacted the way she had. The only thing she knew for sure right now was that she was entirely too confused by it all. She took a deep breath and squeezed his hand. "I don't know what you're going through," She started, looking at him seriously. "But how can you offer to be there for me and me not offer that back to you? I want to be here for you even though I don't know anything of this... I'm sorry..I think it's just going to take me a while to wrap my head around it. But you want to stop and I want someone you can rely on...just like I can rely on you." He'd said that he'd only been high around her once, just once. And one time did not mean that he saw her any differently. At least she was holding onto that hope.

"Sho, you take every second an' minute an' hour you need," Angelo told her quietly, looking at her briefly, then down to her hands on his. "I know it's a lotta ground to tend to, an' you shouldn't ever rush a job like this one. An' when you feel like you can be here? Maybe I'll be on day three or four, maybe I'll slip an' be on my first hour again, I dunno... but don' be here 'til you wanna be. 'Til you believe this is where you should be." And it was obvious, that wasn't a push to keep her away. But she had doubts, she'd voiced them more than once, and they put Angelo on the ropes and reeling. "An' if you need that time? Don't doubt I'll be fightin' anyway, s'all I been doin' since I was small but I never felt like I was gonna fight so hard as I do right now."

Now his words really stung her. Had she said those things to him? It made her feel even more guilty. "No, that's not...Angelo..." She shook her head, gripping his hands tighter. "I want to be here for you. I do. Very much so. And I don't mean for it to sound like I don't. I don't want you to feel like you're weathering this alone." She looked up at him again, still frowning. "I don't mean to doubt you either. It's just that there was no one else who understood me and the idea that something would take that from you too..." Her voice quivered again and she gripped his hands even a little tighter. "Do you want me there with you anymore? You're always promising to be there for me and the instant you need me there for you, I betray that...It isn't what I meant to do, please believe me." She felt horrible, confused, and like the perfect day they'd had was continually spiraling out of control.

Finally, he turned his hands to squeeze Shoshannah's lightly, nodding a touch and giving a warm smile for her. There was no craving yet, no need to try and ignore, and right now? She needed him, so he'd try to be there while he could, to anchor Shannah. "I believe you," Angelo assured her softly, "I do, an' I want you with me, Sho. Every mornin' when I wake up an' every night when I lay back down, you should be there. But you's right." He raised both hands up, planting a kiss on each one and trying to hide the pain in his eyes as he watched her. "I gotta be able to promise that I'm done, like you said, an' I can't do that from one day without. An' if you need that promise, I won't try keepin' you 'til I can give it an' know it won't get broke. I know how I feel, one hundred percent," he said as he lowered her hands, "An' I know what I see, one hundred an' ten... nothin's gonna change that, 'specially not you needin' time to sort this out."

Shannah shook her head a little. She wanted that promise, but he was the one that wanted to stop. She wanted it for him. "If I'm there in the morning when you wake and the evening when you sleep, then I can help you get over this the best I can. What would help you the most?" She asked, pulling her seat closer to him and wrapping her hands around his more, still searching for something in him. She wanted to rebuild the trust they'd had before, despite the fact that she was still reeling from the opium confession.

"D'you believe me?" he asked instead of giving a specific answer, "That I knew you without it? That I ain't never needed it to feel like you start where I stop?" That would help, though he wasn't sure if Shoshannah could honestly say so yet. It was all too fresh, and he didn't want her saying yes just to try and soothe him.

Shoshannah watched him seriously, wanting to tell him yes immediately. Yes, that she did believe him and she didn't have to stop and think about opium or whether or not it was a deciding factor in what he saw in her. "You were only on opium around me once, you told me so yourself. And I trust you, Angelo. I'm thrown by this, but the drugs don't make you you, just like my condition doesn't make me who I am. I believe that we have something that surpasses things like opium and conditions like mine. And I believe that we're who we need to lean on. You lean on me and I lean on you. You wrote a story that was entirely me, there's no way anyone else could understand me in the way you do. I just think that no matter what, I'm going to be a little confused and frazzled about this. But that doesn't mean I don't want to be there with you, to help you like you help me."

"Then jus' give me time," Angelo asked quietly, drawing in a heavy breath, "An' faith. I know it's gon' be an ugly slew of days f'me, but if you're there? If you know that whatever I do, if... if I say somethin' unkind, it ain't me, it's this demon I gotta beat. I know it's a whole world to ask for, Sho, but I gotta ask. You's why I wanna do this, an' if I got no reason in you, then I may as well not try." Which hurt to admit, but it was utterly true. "I din' ever feel no need to change 'til I had you in my life," he confided, finally squeezing her hands in kind, "An' now... now I don' wanna go back to how it was."

That was a lot to hear, but it was just what she needed. She moved her hands until they laced with his fingers and scooted herself a little closer to him in her chair. This time, she brought his hands closer to her and gave them a kiss like he had her own. "We'll do this together. You aren't going through this alone. I'm here for you, I promise." It was right. It sounded right. Even though the drugs scared her, even though knowing he did them scared her, Angelo needed her. And she needed to be there for him. "So we'll beat the demon together, you and me. And then we'll be able to go about our lives happy and without you dependent on something you don't want to be dependent on. But first we need to take care of this demon and I'll be there to take care of you."

Angelo did and didn't want to ask her something just then; namely how much help her father might be. Opium used to be used for medicine, after all, so... maybe a doctor could help him get clear? But somehow, he didn't think that adding 'addict' to the list of problems her parents would have was going to help. He'd just need to find another doctor. "You know there's some of this I gotta do f'myself, right?" he asked Shoshannah, looking from their joined hands to her eyes, "No matter how much I want you here, there's parts you can't be here for, an' I'm sorry f'that."

Shannah didn't exactly know why he didn't want her around. That was what confused her. She wanted to help him and he seemed to want her help, and now that she was offering there were times when he didn't want her there. It was a weird situation and more than a little confusing to her. Still, though, she held his hands tightly. "Well..you know where I am and how to find me when you need me. Even if you just want me around, ok? Even if there's no real reason other than just wanting me to be there, I'll be there. Promise."

"Times you can't be here won't even add up to a cat's nap, Sho, I promise that," he said sincerely, meaning every word. Mostly it was just another trip into Chinatown that he didn't want her to witness, and more because he didn't want anyone else to witness her. He was going to bring his dope back, not even try to get his money in kind, and be done. But Angelo had no illusions about the people who supplied him, despite his perpetual optimism. The drug trade was run by cruel men and women, and no matter how good this went? He didn't want any of them to know Shoshannah existed. "An' the rest of 'em, well... you stay as close as you like, I guarantee I'll want you closer."

Shoshannah nodded a little, looking down at their hands once more before she glanced back at him again. "We'll get through this together, you and me." And when it was all over, they could take the step they'd planned on taking. Everything would work out well in the end because it simply had to. Shannah's optimism would keep her going through this and she and Angelo would come out on the other side stronger for it.