self evaluation

Who: Danny
Where: his apartment
When: just before dawn

He wasn’t sure if he’d slept, though Danny had to have at some point. The ice in his glass had melted, which meant at some point he’d drifted off. Watered down or not he tipped the glass back as he stared into the dim living room. The lights were off and he guessed his wife was sleeping or trying to sleep in their bedroom. He’d barely spoken to her tonight, coming home after the run in with December and stating drinking harder than he had in months.

He didn’t have answers. He wished he did, but he didn’t have answers for any of it. Not for how he’d behaved, for the cases, or for just what the fuck was going on around him or inside of him. He was angry. That much he could put his finger on, but angry didn’t justify losing his cool with a suspect who wasn’t really a suspect, for lashing out at inanimate objects.

They were right. That was the worse part. He’d known it when he heard the lectures, but without answers what was he supposed to say? Just cave and admit they were right? He was too angry for that. It was all too raw, to close to the front of his mind, but they were right. He was treading in icy water, walking on thin ice and toeing a line he usually didn’t toe like this.

It was going to get him into trouble if he wasn’t careful. If he didn’t dial it back.

The problem was, he couldn’t come up with a way to dial it back. Just thinking about the case brought that rage back up in him, in that way he felt like he might just boil over eventually. Maybe that was what needed, to boil over and blow off steam. Too bad there wasn’t a way to blow it off without putting himself in a worse situation.

Finishing off the drink he got up, intent on showering and heading back to the station. Sleep wasn’t coming and the buzz he had was probably for the best. It kept him from lashing out the drop of a hat. It didn’t quell his temper completely, but it was a start for the moment.