Talking

Who: Evelyn and Becky
Where: Jesse's house
When: Early evening

Evelyn had helped her brother unpack. A tape measure and pencil had been dug out of some boxes, but she didn't get to marking measurements down just yet. She debated about it briefly, but in the end opted to see if Becky was in first. Her and Jesse had made significant headway with the boxes and determining where current and future things could go, so she figured her brother could manage well enough on his own at this point... or else take a needed a break. She headed upstairs, not really sure what she would say if Becky was in. This time, though, she didn't let herself think on that uncertainty and just focused on going up the steps. She didn't have a plan or explanation ready when she got upstairs, but -- considering how effed her mind and emotions got when she thought about the situation with Becky -- not thinking too much about it on her way up was probably a good thing. The door to Becky's room was open ajar, but Evelyn couldn't see yet if her friend was inside. She knocked slightly on the door, just in case Becky was in, and called out, "Hello?"

Becky had delegated herself to setting up the upstairs while Jesse took the downstairs. It wasn't to avoid Jesse --

Okay, she was a liar. Part of it was to avoid him. The other part was the upstairs needed to be done and Becky had brought up a figurine box and was considering what things they could do to decorate up there. If she as downstairs working side-by-side with Jesse, he would've seen her crying. He would've freaked. Badness would've followed. Becky did not cry around people. Crying was meant to be done in closets. With doors closed. Under a blanket. Which she did for ten minutes for berating at herself to stop being a baby and pull herself together. It wasn't that Jesse had scared her. It was just... weird. It was a new aspect of their relationship that before had been....

She was just going to blame it on trauma and be done with it. Becky was jumpy and had nightmares and yes, she was probably in the place she could feel the most safe but it didn't mean that she could not be caught completely off guard when her best-friend's older brother called her a looker.

It was weird. End of story. And she probably owed him an apology or an explanation. Either way, she'd been having a long discussion with herself over the course of the day as she unpacked and hung up some pictures and was taking a break when there was a knock and a familiar voice. Evelyn. That brought up a whole host of emotions that she was doing a good job of ignoring and it took her a minute to find her voice. "In here." She was at her dresser finishing putting away clothes and wondering what to say. Where the fuck have you been sounded nice but she bit her tongue and kept quiet.

Evelyn took a couple steps in, but didn't cross the length of the room. She could understand Becky being pissed right now, and didn't want to tread unnecessarily on that -- she'd done enough. Or, well, not done enough. There was a moment where she just watched Becky, unsure who should say something first; and, if she did speak, what she should say. "How are you settling in?"

Becky really hated this. She hated the careful way Evie spoke and the tension between them. She was angry with Evelyn. She was really, really angry, but Becky also knew that she hadn't been so forthcoming on her end and that if she had been, things probably wouldn't be this way. Instead of answering, Becky came over and pulled her best friend into the room, shut the door, and threw her arms around Evelyn's neck and hugged her tight. "I love you," she said quietly.

That took her by surprise. Actually, it pretty much shocked her. Evelyn had expected... she didn't know what she expected, really. Silence? Yelling? a "Get the hell out"? She might not have been any more prepared to deal with those responses, but they wouldn't have been unexpected. Because those reactions? She had earned them. But the hug and endearment were something altogether, and instead of relief Evelyn felt that guilty pit in her stomach get heavier. But at least a hug was something she knew how to react to, and one hand came up to squeeze Becky back in return, her frown out of Becky's view in the embrace. "I love you, too," she murmured. It wasn't something she had ever said directly to a friend before. But she cared about Becky like a sister, and there was a lot of fucked up shit that had gone down between them, so it didn't feel too odd to say that back.

"I'm really mad at you, but it's my fault, it's not yours. I didn't say anything so I shouldn't be mad," she continued on. Because she really was mad, but Becky had settled on it pretty much being her fault. "So I'm sorry that I was mad at you." She gave her a squeeze and pulled back because if she stayed on hugging Evie, she might burst into those damn tears again and she had more than filled her quota for that day. "How've you been?" She inwardly winced because that felt like deflection. In a little way it was. She didn't want to start off the conversation by launching into exactly what had happened.

"What the fuck?" If Becky hadn't pulled back Evelyn would have -- to get a better look at her friend to gauge if she had really just heard that right. But, as Becky had already put distance between them, her startled expression only needed to skip to incredulity. Because surely Becky had misspoke, or Evelyn had misheard? But Evelyn knew she hadn't, and Becky clearly hadn't misspoken. "Are you -- are you seriously saying that?" It was disturbingly hard for Evelyn to get her head around because it was pretty glaring to her that Becky had every right to be pissed. "You have every right to be pissed with me, and you sure as hell shouldn't be apologizing for it." This was a fucked up turn of events, in Evelyn's opinion. Of all the things, she sure as hell didn't expect to be telling Becky to be mad at her, or show she was mad, or whatever. It was also an incredibly disconcerting moment, because the friend she thought she knew would have shown quite clearly that she was pissed and sure as hell wouldn't have apologized for it when she had a right. Hell, the friend she knew rarely apologized for being pissed, period -- right or wrong. Granted, a lot had happened in the past couple months and probably neither of them were exactly the same person they had been just last year -- Evelyn knew she wasn't. But that didn't change the fact that, on some deep level, this reaction bothered her. Worried her.

Becky winced when Evelyn swore. It was habitual and then she scowled because she'd winced and pulled away fully and sat down on her bed. "I was really mad yesterday and the day before," she said slowly, scowling and confused as she avoided looking at Evelyn and instead at her hands. She sounded a little confused as she tried to work through how she'd been feeling. "I wondered why you weren't here. I wondered if you thought horrible things about me, but then I remembered that I didn't tell you everything about..." Becky's scowl turned to a grimace and she ran her hands through her hair in frustration. Everything was ridiculously confusing and Jesse had expressed similar feelings the other night. About how she needed to stop back pedalling and just stick with her first feeling. "I figured I shouldn't be mad because if I had told you everything in the first place, you would be here. Every day. But I didn't so... God, I hate this. I didn't use to be so fucking confused about how I should feel." At least there could be the consolation that Becky knew that what she said? Was probably way off base on how she should be reacting.

Evelyn watched her friend, concerned. Though her concern was evident, what was visible only scratched the surface. She caught the rapid change of expressions across Becky's face, and she didn't like how Becky didn't look at her. She wouldn't like it if Becky didn't look at her due to being pissed, but she'd definitely accept that. This though? This avoidance wasn't from being pissed; it was borne from the same new thing about Becky that had Evelyn so concerned. "What do you mean, 'tell me everything'?" Evelyn asked, because that part seemed pretty fucking important. And also because, right now, she just didn't know how to touch upon all those little disturbing details she was observing. So, she'd focus on Becky's explanation first.

Hands were easier to talk to than to look her best friend in the face. This sort of thing was hard enough to talk about to begin with and the only reason that Jesse had even been told things is because he'd been there. He'd beaten Kowalski's face in. The guy needed an explanation. "I don't want you to feel guilty. I made the choice. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. It was just easier if you thought that I was just using my looks to get ahead in life or whatever it is that you were thinking. I don't know if that's what you were thinking. I think the only thing I'm angry about is that you didn't think there was something seriously wrong. That you thought I would do something like that. So it's confusing and I don't know. I already said that the other night I think." Becky picked at a hangnail, still not looking at Evie. God, this was hard. "I went into his office that day to tell him to leave you the fuck alone or so help me God I was going to find people to take care of him. It pretty much turned into I could sleep with him, or he could hurt you. And then he brought my mom into it. Then you left and things just got worse and worse." She still couldn't look at Evie and her voice was soft and sorta thick and tired. She didn't want Evie to know any of this. She wanted to pretend everything was fine and things would go back to normal. It was a foolish thought.

Anything she might have wanted to say in the beginning -- that she was holding off to mention until after Becky had finished -- was completely forgotten by the end. The first, immediate gutwrenching reaction Evelyn felt was sick. There was just a huge ball of nausea that weighed down in her gut and threatened to bubble upward. Sick sick sick. At the moment it wasn't directed at anything in particular save for the words she was hearing. That nausea wasn't certainly wasn't pointed at her friend right now, but the situation? Yes. She didn't say anything, because right now she couldn't say anything as that bombshell had thrown her mentally off-balance, and she really needed to regain it before she could even think about a response. About a response to the fact that her friend started sleeping with that creep because of her -- that thought really, truly putting her on the verge of retching -- the fact that Becky had been in a situation so completely more fucked than Evelyn could have ever guessed at. The realizations and implications of it kicking in and dawning on her had even left her a little paler than she should have been, but she didn't sit down. Instead she just glanced a bit off to the side, staring at nothing in particular, until her brain could get back to properly functioning again.

When Evelyn didn't say anything, Becky didn't even want to look up and see how she was being looked at. Shame? Disgust? Becky felt disgusting. It was a stupid thing to do but when it was happening, she'd panicked. "I'd do anything to protect you. You're my sister pretty much," she said, needing to fill the silence otherwise she'd scream. It's not like she was going to go into all the gory details about what exactly had gotten worse. Anything Evelyn could come up with would probably be not too far off the mark. "I'm pretty sure Jesse destroyed every bone in that bastard's face too," she added. Calling Jesse by his regular name was the new thing she was working on, since he said he didn't like being called 'Jim'.

"Don't," Evelyn's eyes whipped back to Becky, "don't." The words were an immediate reflex, a kneejerk reaction to what Becky was saying about doing anything to protect her. The tone wasn't loud, but firm. Because Evelyn hated that. She wasn't grateful. There was no gratitude for her friend sacrificing herself and sleeping with that creep for her sake. Evelyn hated that idea with every bit of her being. She didn't hate her friend, but she absolutely loathed the decision. She didn't blame Becky, but she sure as hell hoped to God her friend never made that same choice again -- she hoped Becky was never in a position to make that choice again. It was a sentiment her words echoed: "I don't want you to ever do something like that for me again. You're my friend and I love you and I don't want you to ever be in a position to have to make a choice like that again. But, god Becky if you ever are? Don't." There was a definite trace of her emotional instability there, but the tone wasn't mad or furious. Oh, she hated that situation with everything she had, but she wasn't angry. Not at Becky. At the end of it was that slightly higher-pitched pleading edge, because Evelyn was so completely desperate that Becky understand that point: that she didn't want her friend ever doing that again. At the very least not ever for her sake.

Becky nodded quickly. "No, I won't. Next time I'd just shoot the bastard. I got in over my head as usual." She reached up to rub her face, feeling the stinging in her eyes and tried to push it all away. She kind of had a history of making stupid decisions, or making what seemed to be a reasonable decision and it going horribly wrong. This was by far the worse and that whole situation had messed both of them up in the long run. Still, "Why didn't you think anything was wrong?" she asked, finally looking up and meeting Evelyn's eyes. That's what had hurt the absolute most about everything. That Evelyn seemed to have thought that she'd willingly sleep with a guy who'd messed with her for a penthouse and some pearls. "Did you really think that I'd sleep with my boss for some extra perks? I know I'm not as book smart as you, and that I'm blonde and apparently being blonde comes with certain expectations. I like pretty clothes and pretty things and I can be shallow sometimes but I'm not that shallow. So why did you bail on me?" She didn't mean the Drake, that part she understood, but the last few months there had been many opportunities and signs that Becky was sure that Evelyn would've picked up on that not everything was kosher. "It might be unreasonable to ask, but the E I know would've pushed or gone to her brother or sisters or even her parents about it." As soon as she said that though, realization was clear on her face as she put it together. Well duh. Evie couldn't have done that without giving away her own secret. She pressed her lips together and looked away, going from confused and upset to resigned. "I should've said something. I shouldn't have let you keep it a secret. That's not what friends do," she said bitterly and then she suddenly stood and kicked her nightstand, sending the thing rocking on its legs in a fit of repressed frustration and anger. "I fucking HATE being like this. It's not my damn fault! Why do I keep fucking doing this?!" and oh that really hurt and she fell back on her bed clutching her foot. Ow.

Evelyn's jaw flexed, barely suppressing her flinch at Becky's outburst. It was incredibly fucking disturbing, but she didn't have the time to dwell on that as she hurried over to the bed. "How's your foot?" She glanced down at it, her hand just hovering over it, not touching. Becky's words wouldn't stop running and re-running through her mind with all the un-addressed points stabbing along the way, but she didn't answer them right now. Right now, with as hard as Becky kicked the nightstand, Evelyn needed to make certain whether she needed ice, or a bandage, or a trip to the doctor.

"It's fine," Becky muttered, holding her foot. She wiggled her toes and even though they hurt, she was able to move them. "I'm just tired and hungover and frustrated." She was not one to kick things in anger. She was certainly capable of throwing things but there wasn't anything satisfying to throw. She looked at Evie apologetically, knowing that the outburst wasn't part of the ordinary. She worked on wiggling her toes again. "I'm just confused over this whole week. Like I find myself thinking shit and realizing 'wait, that's not me' because it's all stuff that I would do when I was in there to keep his temper down and it's like this stupid war in my head where I'm fighting with myself because I know how I've been acting the last few months isn't me and I didn't mean to freak you out." If positions had been reversed, she would've been freaked.

"You don't need to apologize," Evelyn's voice was quiet, calm, her eyes still on Becky's foot -- just to make sure that it was, as she said, fine. "If you feel a certain way -- even if it's not how think you should normally feel -- just feel it. You don't need to justify it to me or anybody." She didn't deny that she was freaked out -- 'deeply disturbed' was probably more apt. But she wasn't going to bring further attention to it either. It was a balancing act, with her fighting against the urge to just hold back on everything. She was bothered, it was clear that she was bothered, but she wasn't going to reveal the full extent of it. Putting her focus onto how bothered she was by this instead of just on Becky -- who this was about -- wasn't an option. It wasn't the main point, she would freak out, and Evelyn knew that one person freaking out wasn't going to be of help to anybody. And, after everything she had and hadn't done, she really really wanted -- needed -- to help.

"Jesse said something like that too," Becky said wryly, some tears stinging at the corners of her eyes from the throbbing. "I guess because I feel so confused I need to justify things? More to myself than anyone else, I just say them out loud I guess." She rubbed her face with the hand that wasn't holding her foot as if she could wipe all her troubles away. Their conversation so far wasn't as awkward as it had been the last time, a fact which Becky was grateful about, but now it felt like things were in limbo. Becky had said her piece and Evelyn hadn't said much of anything except to say sorry, so while it wasn't an impasse, it was close enough and Becky wasn't sure how she felt about it beside how she was just confused on her own emotions and reaction. She wasn't comforted by it though, and that left her with a kind of cold feeling.

With the fact of the foot being fine, and Becky's apologetic demeanor touched on, the quiet dragged on for a moment as Evelyn thought over what had been said just before the nightstand was kicked. "I didn't know," she answered after a long moment. "Whenever we saw each other... things were tense, awkward. Looking back, I can see the clues now. But then, with things as awkward and unresolved as they were, I thought those were from our own issues." Like her leaving, and the fact that Becky had chosen to stay with that man. She had never come out and told Evelyn why, and -- now -- Evelyn could understand it. But she didn't know it then. She hadn't even suspected it. "I didn't like him--" She had hated him, actually, but it was a fact she had never advertised. "--but I didn't have any idea... I didn't know how... bad he was, Becky. Looking back on it... I can see it. He was smart. He hid that side well, even when he wasn't hiding that he was... some creep. He didn't blackmail me, or come right out and say anything, there was no action or tangible thing I could point at and say 'Here: here's where he propositioned me, this isn't just in my head.' I called him on it -- I don't think I ever told you that? It didn't work out so well, I didn't have anything, and left feeling more confused and partly thinking I was paranoid than when I came in. It seemed like I was the only one he did that to, or saw that -- now, though, that probably wasn't the case. No, I know it couldn't have been, but it felt like it was."

Evelyn paused, feeling like she was rambling, and devolving into rambling always bothered her. "But, with you and him... I thought you had made a decision -- one I didn't like, but I wasn't going to say 'you can or can't do this', I wasn't going to make your decision for you. And I wasn't going to tell anyone either -- I've never been the kind to tell somebody's business." There were a very few exceptions, of course. But while most people needed to be told to keep something quiet to keep a secret, Evelyn's default had always been to not share unless she knew she was allowed otherwise.

Becky was quiet as she listened, nodding every so often to show that she understood what Evelyn was saying. She did. Even if she was upset and angry, she understood. Especially the looking back part. "Neither of us have had to deal with someone like that. Sure, my mom could be kind of manipulative, but we've never had that happened to us before, especially in a job. And here we are trying to be adults and independent. We're smart, we can handle this." Becky pushed her hair out of her face and reached into her nightstand drawer and pulled out a bag of red licorice, grabbing a piece and offering the bag to Evie. She needed something to do while she thought. Just something mundane.

As Evie explained her stance in relation to not saying anything, it made sense too. Did Becky particularly like it? No, but then she wasn't in Evelyn's head during that time and Evelyn was shaken up by what had happened to her. "I think from now on, if something happens where we're wondering what's up with the other person, we need to promise ourselves that we should say something. Just because we're adults, we have to have each other's backs. Not that we don't already, but we... we're recovering. Your paranoid, I'm paranoid and actually drinking and we need to get ourselves back on track."

Evelyn didn't take the licorice, nodding at Becky to have another. "But I have dealt with people like that." She shifted her weight a little, then moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "I've dealt with people like that, and I knew that -- the moment that shit starts to come out -- you don't put up with it, or try to rationalize it, because that is exactly what they manipulate. And I saw the signs -- I wasn't naive, not really -- but I second-guessed them and rationalized them when I knew I should have just... quit." But Evelyn dropped the subject there, because it was getting into dangerous territory -- for her, at least. Up until what she found out about him now, it hadn't really been Kowalski she had hated as much as herself. That was a particular topic she didn't like talking about -- she didn't even like thinking about it.

There was an internal flinch at Becky's comment on her being paranoid and recovering. Evelyn didn't like that image of herself... probably because it was true. She didn't want to be paranoid. She wanted to be recovered. She hadn't had to go through what Becky did. For her it had just been stupid mindgames that she refused to get out of... It sucked, it brought to light awful things about herself; but mind-over-matter, right? She should be able to just... learn from it, and get past it. "You're drinking?" There wasn't any judgment there -- hell, Evelyn had slipped by the wayside herself, with the sedatives -- but she knew how much a strain Becky's mother's drinking had put on her, so there was an open-ended tone, if Becky wanted to talk about it.

"When I was working at the Kitten, I was always on my guard but I never dealt with stuff like that. It was weird, but then, the staff is kinda like family. I didn't expect to deal with that sort of thing at the office. Then again, I was also used to annoying customers, so if something ever happened at the office, because I wasn't keeping an eye out for it, it just didn't register because I was used to it." It wasn't like guys in general were all that great to women in the workplace anyway. Women were secretaries because it 'wasn't complicated' and the duties were 'easy for a woman to understand'.

"You got out, E," Becky reminded her of that very important fact. "You got out and that's what's important. You finally acknowledged what was wrong and got out. Not many people do." The glaring fact that Kowalski's office was still full of women who'd been there longer than them proved that. "He's gone now though. He won't be hurting anyone again. Or at least not for a really long time." She looked down at her bag but didn't take another piece of candy. She understood what Evie was saying, however it had her wondering if that's what she'd done with her. As for the last question though -- "Well, I got drunk last night. That's kind of a first. I don't... you know, I don't do that."

'You got out.' Evelyn had tried telling herself that, but the thought was always hollow -- and it hit her just the same now. Her getting out made it sound like she had taken some stand, but that wasn't the case at all. It wasn't just that she was being played, it wasn't just that she knew she was being played, it was that it had been working. ...She would have done it. It was stupid, she didn't need to do it: she had her family, and her friends, and they weren't going to abandon her. They would have never wanted her to do such a thing, she herself was the type of person who'd never do that... she never thought she cared about money that much. Yet, if she hadn't overheard about the Drake opening, she would have done it. It was a knowledge that made her even sicker now, not only knowing what Becky had to go through, but knowing that Becky had been blackmailed into it. Evelyn hadn't. Even though she knew he was manipulative and it was wrong and would break her family's heart... the bastard never resorted to blackmail, or overt threats, or anything like that. He probably knew he didn't need to, and he was right. But that? That knowledge was something Evelyn was hell-bent on taking to her grave. "Have trouble sleeping?" she asked instead, remembering that Jesse mentioned Becky being unable to sleep.

"Yeah," Becky answered quietly. "Just can't get to sleep or I sleep and have nightmares. I've always had trouble sleeping though." She messed around with the bag, caught in her own thoughts. "It wasn't all bad and I hate that there were parts I didn't mind. I liked being a secretary. I liked not having to worry about bills and making sure things were paid on time for once. He took care of all that and I didn't have to." It was a sudden confession and it wasn't that surprising upon reflection. Becky had been responsible for making sure the bills were paid and food in the cupboards since she was fairly young.

Evelyn didn't know what to say to that. Knowing Becky's background -- she could understand that part of the confession. But still: hearing her friend say it wasn't all bad on the tail of learning that the man had literally threatened her into sleeping with him made Evelyn feel sick. But it seemed to make Becky sick too, considering she had admitted hating there were parts she didn't mind. She was aware of that; and Evelyn wasn't going to beat a dead horse right now. Except, well, she had to. Her mind couldn't get past it long enough to think of anything else to say, so she said what she was thinking even though Becky was already aware. "But he threatened you, and forced you into that situation--" And likely forced things that Evelyn didn't need to hear from Becky to suspect. "--I think that makes it all bad." She tried to keep her tone even, but it was hard. Now that the shock of all this information had sunk in, there was the messy sea of emotion. And part of it was anger, and disgust. It left a hint of pointedness in her tone, but it absolutely wasn't toward Becky. It was toward the situation and that bastard.

She gave herself a moment, staring at the wall, before coming back to look at Becky. But, this time, the tone wasn't pointed. "But, if you liked being a secretary... that's good to know, for the future." Evelyn even smiled, meaning it just as much as she meant it to be assuring. "And you certainly don't have to worry about bills or food in the cupboard for now -- at least that's something Jesse can actually manage on the new house thing." Because Evelyn knew her brother wasn't Mr. Handyman, nor was he a decorator, nor much of an organizer of home odds and ends. But bills and buying food (if not so much cooking), he could do.

Becky exhaled slowly. "E? If I think about how every part of it was bad? I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a massive breakdown. I need to focus on the parts that weren't bad to survive." It was blunt and short and Becky didn't mean for it to be that way, but she didn't need Evelyn's logical approach to it. She really, really did not need that. "anyway, yeah, I figure I can do some looking at new business. See who might need a personal assistant or book keeping. I'm good at that." She smiled a little in return, thinking over the past few days. "He's not too bad with a hammer. We tell him where we need a shelf and he's there. There was some swearing at first but now I think he just mutters all his annoyances."