wasn't going to forget

Who: Dodge and Maddy
Where: Maddy's place
When: after dark

After Elle's Dodge had gone shopping, hating the looks he got from shop owners due to his ratty clothes, but he did what he could to ignore them. At least he had real money for a gift this time. He'd gone back and forth, trying to decide between art supplies and something else, but wound up with a soft pair of gloves, warm and slender, bound to fit a little better than most of the gloves Maddy wore.

The salesperson even wrapped them up in a nice box, putting a little bow on it when he asked. She kept looking at him like he might give her fleas, but at least she understood the importance of a birthday gift.

For the trek to Maddy's he'd changed back into Dodge garb, a well cared for suit with matching vest and tie. He was clean, his hair was mostly tamed and in he topped the whole outfit off with the fedora. It was slightly dangerous to be out, but he stuck to the shadows, ignoring the chill on his spine and the voice in his ears. Let anyone who saw him think they were seeing a ghost, or guess that maybe he wasn't dead. Perhaps the wars would stop on his behalf.

He took the long way, but before long Dodge was at Maddy's door, respecting boundaries and knocking, before leaning back to wait for her to open it, gift tucked under his arm.

After Ethan had gone, Maddy stayed in her room, listless, confused, and unsure of everything all of a sudden. She tried to paint for awhile and managed to do so but after night fell the candles she had in her room didn't light enough for her to properly paint and she gave up. Grabbing Dodge's letter from it's hiding place, Maddy lay on her bed re-reading it, looking for certain words, certain things that might give her insight. The necklace was on the bed beside her, still in its box. She still hadn't opened it (again).

When there was the knock on the door, she paused in her reading for food to look at the door with wide eyes. Who'd be coming this late at night? Roy? He hadn't stopped by, but Maddy assumed that he was being smart and staying in the bank. "Who is it?" she called, getting up and approaching the door slowly, letter still in hand. That was the drawback. She could just pretend that she wasn't in, but then she wouldn't know who might be coming in. It was complicated.

"It's me," Dodge said softly, not willing to use a name. The right name was his new name, JD, but he wasn't playing the part of JD. For a fleeting moment he wondered if she wouldn't open the door, if she'd just leave him out there at the top of the stairs.

Maddy had reached the door by the time the answer came and she sighed and leaned against the door frame. Dodge. A million of feeling went through her as she toyed with the deadbolt. Let him in, not let him in. "What do you want?" she asked through the cracks, her voice decidedly closer and softer than it was earlier. How funny that he came by when she was thinking of him.

He didn't answer for a moment. She hadn't panicked which was good, that meant news had gotten back to her that he wasn't dead. It was good news, but at the same time the door was still closed. He hated the fucking lock and the door, but he managed to quell his anger. "I brought your birthday present. Dying didn't make me forget."

She frowned at the lock, running her fingers over the new metal. Before she really made the decision, she turned the lock and opened the door, not moving from her post against the door frame. "You're an idiot for going out in all that dressed like you are," she said once she got a good look at him. She couldn't lie and say that she didn't miss him and that she'd been worried sick, but she didn't have to say it and so instead she occupied herself with refolding his letter and hoping he didn't ask about it.

Dodge let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding when she opened the door. He wouldn't admit it, but he'd been worried for a moment she wouldn't answer the door and just leave him on the stoop. "It's dark. I don't go around dressing like this during the day, but I thought you'd rather see Dodge at your door than J.D."

"J.D?" Maddy asked and pushed the door open more but she didn't move from where she was leaning against the frame. She couldn't tell him how even though she was still a little angry at him, it was good to see him there dressed like he was. Not disheveled and bruised up and upset. "Whose J.D?"

He was still a little bruised, but the fedora covered it well enough. "Me. Or the new me at least. Which so far has gone over well." Dodge took the box out from under his arm and handed it over. "Happy birthday princess."

"Thank you." Maddy took the package from him, careful not to touch his fingers and looked at it. "For the... the other stuff too." She waved his letter around before shoving it in her pocket. Maddy wouldn't (couldn't) meet his eyes but she finally pushed away from the door frame and padded further into the room so she was away from any walls. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to pretend to die?" She looked at him then with bright but tired eyes as she waited for him to come inside.

Dodge followed her in but didn't get much farther than the doorway, closing the door behind him and leaning against it. He was surprised to see his letter within such an easy reach tucked into her pocket but he didn't comment on it. "You're welcome." He spotted some of the canvases already being used and a small smile lit his features. "Glad you're getting use out of them." That had been the point after all.

"Hmmm?" she looked up from the gift over her shoulder at him then to the easel that he was looking at. "Oh. Yeah." Her fingers plucked at the ribbon decorating the box and she looked at him and then at the corner where the rest of the things were. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to pretend to die?" she repeated. "Your letter didn't say anything about it." She had read it over and over. There was nothing about it. "Were you ever going to tell me or was I supposed to think you died?" Saying that had her stomach twisting and she looked away from him.

He hadn't really wanted to talk about this, but he knew he was supposed to. "You and I weren't really on speaking terms Maddy. I didn't want to break that just to tell you what was going on. I knew Ethan would though. I'm guessing he did since you didn't seem surprised to see me alive."

"He was lucky I didn't go out that day because I was sick. Otherwise I would've heard you were dead and the boys were being sent off." Her voice was tight with worry and annoyance and she sat on her stool and looked at the box. "Just because we... whatever happened doesn't mean I don't care if you died -- real or not. And you asked me to help you and how am I supposed to do that if you don't talk to me." That's what he'd wanted, right? She was sure she understood that.

Dodge had hoped Ethan would have taken a more direct route to ensure that Maddy knew what was going on, but perhaps that wasn't how it played out. "I do want you to help Mads, I meant that. You just...seemed like you needed some space. I was giving it. I would have waited to pull the whole thing off, but I knew if I waited I couldn't go through with it. I'm here now though. If you're ready to talk, for me to be around a little then I can do that."

She nodded in quiet understanding. "No, I understand. I appreciate it. I did need space. I do still a little I guess. I just wish you had told me. That's all. Either in person or in your letter. Starting a new identity? That's not easy." She bit her lip and finally looked at him. "Ethan was so mad about it, I had to talk him down. He didn't do good in the orphanage. It was the right thing to do though. They'll be safe there."Overall, what she was saying was that she backed his play and Maddy wasn't sure if she was supposed to, what with them in the non-relationship stance that they were in, but Maddy did support the idea.

Dodge reached up to rub the back of his neck. "I think so too, that they're better off. I wasn't...doing anything for them. Nothing right at least." He sighed a little, shrugging. "It wasn't part of the letter, not really at least. That was supposed to be about us. I'm sorry I didn't tell you though."

She nodded again, accepting that. "You didn't do a terrible job with them. Sure, it could be better. Sure you did a lot of things when you step back and look at it, but you care about them. What does J.D. stand for?"

"They need structure, and moral code or something. Families even." Dodge shrugged, looking at the floor for a minute. "John Doe."

The first thing that came to mind was that it wasn't very creative. It was kind of morbid, actually, but then, what kind of "name" was Doll Girl. "Do I have to call you that now?" she asked quietly.

"Up to you I suppose. Out there you can't call me Dodge," he said motioning over his shoulder to the door. "But one on one I suppose it's fine to call me whatever. It's just a name right? I've never had a real one, not before Patrick, not now. What's it matter really?"

"You did before Patrick found you," Maddy pointed out, even though she knew he didn't remember it. "Do you want me to call you J.D? John Doe seems so lonely. At least with D.G, I didn't have to be Doll Girl. People asked me if I was Dorothy Gale sometimes." She was babbling a little, clearly itching to try put her own two cents in and make him change it or something. Regular invasive little Maddy.

"I didn't Maddy. People called me 'boy' before they called me Dodge." He didn't remember his parents, why they'd left him behind or who he was. "I don't care what you call me Maddy, but Dodge is dead." He shrugged a little, still not quite meeting her eyes. "It fits. If I'd really died? They wouldn't have written 'Dodge' on the death certificate, they'd have written John Doe. It's as close to a name as I'm ever going to get. J.D. works enough as a nickname for a guy with no name."

"I would've made sure they wrote Dodge," she said, pouting and petulant on the stool. She wasn't sure if he was lecturing her or not but she was upset because she was sad and off kilter and the stupid boy she was in love with that she broke up with was standing over there. "And I still think it's lonely sounding but it's not my name so whatever. I'll call you J.D." It was strange to say it because he was still overwhelmingly Dodge. With a frown, she worked on tugging off the ribbon from the box. It was an expensive looking box and her eyes went to the necklace in it's case on the bed. "Did you join the mob?" she asked suddenly.

"I'm not sure they'd listen even if you tried Mads," Dodge said softly. He wasn't lecturing her, just explaining the way it was. She was right, it was lonely, but he was lonely and every time she repeated that it felt more and more on target. At her question he looked up, eyebrow raised even if it couldn't be seen under the fedora. "The mob? What? No. Why would I join the mob?" He certainly hadn't before now.

"I don't know, because I broke up with you? You've upended your life? That's what people tend to do when they change things. And how else could you have afforded to buy me so much canvas and the necklace and whatever is in here?" She held up the half opened box. "Please tell me you haven't done something stupid." There was genuine fear in her voice and a frown on her face when she said it.

"I'm pretty sure you and everyone else I know insisted that I upend my life," Dodge said a little harsher than he'd meant to. It wasn't lost on him that she'd said Ethan was angry at him, which in Dodge's eyes didn't seem fair. Ethan said change, Dodge made steps to change and now it wasn't good enough? "I had help, but not mob help. And that," he pointed to her birthday gift, "I got lucky. Some shmuck was trying to play me on the street, but I took his cash and ran." Stupid rich boy that Nate was. Still, Dodge assumed he'd be checking out the guy's gym, at least from across the street. It wasn't like he had much else to do otherwise.

"I broke up with you because you made me feel unimportant. I wasn't asking you to change yourself," Maddy snapped back, although in a way, maybe it was. Still, the gifts he got her were being put to use and she had his letter and she wanted to ask him about it because as much as she hated to admit it, it was almost everything she wanted to hear. "Don't blame me for your choices," she continued with her frown and finished undoing the box. She looked at the white gloves with the little pearl buttons and her frown shifted into a thin lipped line as she looked at them. Boy, they were nice.

"Don't tell me you didn't want me to change. And I'm not blaming you. My best friend punched me in the fucking face to tell me to change. Because of you. Everyone I know told me the same fucking thing, I do it, and now you all want to take it back..." he trailed off as she opened the box, watching her reaction.

Because of her. "He's mad because he doesn't like the orphanage," she said and took out the gloves. They were soft, softer than any of the ones she had and so nice looking. "I'm selfish. People shouldn't do things because of me because I'm selfish. I wished for everyone to be happy, even if it meant that they might have to stop being friends with me and I got so scared I made Ethan lie to me about being able to take birthday wishes back so I could make another one. Don't do things because of me." She tugged the gloves on carefully and flexed her fingers to see how well they fit. She was surprised at how perfect they were. She'd expected them to maybe be too big or too small.

"He hit me because of you, there's no way around that one." Dodge was sure on that point. ther est of what he'd done wrong had nothing on the fact that he'd been pissed at what he did to Maddy. "Wanting your friends around isn't selfish Maddy. There's no point in having them if you don't want them around. And if they aren't happy with you, they're pretty lousy friends." Dodge forced himself to ignore the irony in that comment coming from him, the one who'd cut himself out of lives because it the right thing to do. "You like them?" he asked nodding towards the box.

"Well sometimes I don't know if I'm either an excuse to hit something or if he hits everyone because of me," she murmured, trying to keep her mind from going back to how things were left and wondering about double meanings and all that. "I do like them, thank you." She rubbed her fingers together, liking the feel of the soft fabric. "And I'm still upset with you but the answer is yes."

"Roa...Ethan, has lots of reasons to hit things. I don't even know what they are, but you aren't the why. That's something else. Except in my case." Ethan was permanently angry, he always had been. For a long time, it had been Dodge who was able to keep that anger in check. "Answer to what?"

Pushing Ethan out of her mind, she reached into her pocket and took out his letter. "To what you asked me. I can't stop caring about people easily. Just because... No one should be alone and if what you told me is true, then I want to help. That's what friends do." They'd have to talk. They needed to talk but Maddy didn't know if she wanted to do that right now. She wondered if he'd suggest it.

"It's true, I want to change. It's why I've done all this, changing my name and everything else. But I'm glad, that you're willing to." He wanted sure if he wanted to address it right now either, if maybe just hearing she was willing was enough.

"We'd... we'd need to talk first, maybe. Get everything out. I'm sure there's things you want to say that you didn't put in here and there's things I want to say and..." she sighed and shrugged her shoulders. This was the moment in conversation where she'd hug him or something but now that didn't seem appropriate. "Where are you living now?"

Dodge shrugged, not really sure what he'd want to say. He'd said plenty in the letter, for him at least. He supposed if she had questions he could answer them or something. "I'm above the Apollo. It's just a room that no one's using, but it's got a fire escape into the alley. Don't..tell anyone." He didn't need people knowing where he was.

"I won't. So if I came to see you, you want me to take the fire escape?" She tried to picture the Apollo. Finn had lived there, before he'd disappeared, but they knew and he had a proper door.

"it's not really safe, first door to the left of the top of the stairs on the third floor. Just knock." He shrugged again. "Don't feel like you have to come by or whatever. It's not much." It was far less than he'd had before that much was sure.

"What's not safe? The fire escape? I've climbed less," she said, like the slippery bridge railings in winter or the time she jumped from one rooftop to the other. That had been scarier than she had anticipated. "I'll come see you." She would and considered the matter closed.

Dodge didn't comment on either thing, just nodding and reaching up to pull his fedora off his head, running a hand through his hair. "I should go I guess," he said.

Maddy opened her mouth ready to protest. There was an extra bed. She was lonely. It was her birthday. But what came out was, "Okay," accompanied with a slight nod. "Thank you.... for, you know." Everything, she supposed.

"Of course. I wasn't going to forget," he reminded her. There was moment where he hesitated where he felt like he should cross the room to touch her, but he didn't. Not sure what else to do he opened the door and let himself out, closing it behind him.