We See What We've Become

Who: Dodge and Maddy
Where: The Hill Street Theater - The Walker Box
When: Midday

His afternoon with Jessie had left Dodge thinking. Roach of course had asked questions about the girl, all of which Dodge shut down with answers that could barely be considered helpful or informative. He'd spent most of the night staring at Maddy's bed, which he still hadn't given back, and thinking about what Jessie had said. Things had changed too much between himself and Maddy and that thought hung above him when he woke in the morning.

By midday he was still turning the idea over in his mind and in need of some sort of solace. Without thinking about it too much his feet took him to Maddy's theater. His boys assigned to watch her were there, loitering on the sidewalk and let him know she was still inside. He wasn't here to see her though, he wasn't sure he was ready for that. Having told Jessie about watching practices though let the idea of sneaking into the Walker box come to mind easily and after a moment Dodge was charming a prop girl and then climbing the stairs to the box.

Maddy had been in the Walker Box for awhile now, watching the run through of the first act. Peter Pan was meant to be opening soon, a musical this time around which meant that the production was taking longer than most to gear up. Maddy had seen the original play -- not a musical -- not long after she had moved into the theater and there was something nice about seeing it again.

So she was sitting there in the big, comfortable chair with her feet kicked up on a low stool, sketchpad in her lap and a bottle of whiskey sitting on the little table beside her. Maddy was dressed like Maddy again. A crumpled blue skirt and a red plaid button down shirt from a western done not long ago. Her hair was down, a bit tangled as she hadn't really bothered with it when waking up from her nap.

On the chair beside her was a stack of pictures. The majority of the pile was of the actors down on the stage. Some of them she was thinking of doing properly for the lobby on opening night. The very bottom of the pile however had been pictures she sketched in the early hours of the morning, still depressed about everything going on. There were a couple of Dodge's boys that she'd seen hanging around the theater when she peaked her head out the window.

There was one though, that she particularly liked (and would never see the light of day). Of her and Dodge in her bed all those days ago when he'd come back from that party at the Drake and she'd been hungover. It seemed like the last real good day the two of them had together, of him upset about being turned down by a girl and curled up against her. Her sleepy eyed and jealous, but still angry on his behalf that someone (Evelyn, she now figured) had turned him down. No, that picture was staying on the bottom of the pile where it could retain the memory of how things had been good.

He knew as soon as he opened the door to the box it was a bad idea. He'd come here seeking solace, to just sort of wallow in self pity and ignore the voice in his head while he pretended things weren't as bad as they were. She was supposed to be in her room.

Of course there was no reason that she should be in her room, it's not like he'd set his guards up outside her door. He couldn't see her, small as she was, but the bottle of whiskey wasn't just there because someone left it since the last play. He didn't need to see her anyway, he could just feel her, there in the small little room. Frozen in the doorway it took almost a full minute before he moved, this time turning to leave and hoping she didn't hear him push the door open though he doubted that was the case.

She felt the presence of the other person more than heard them. The doors were well oiled, and so didn't make much of a sound. Maddy turned her head slightly, catching the shadow of a figure wearing a familiar hat. It was Dodge. She was positive, unless someone else had shown up in the box wearing the same hat. She'd been the one to show him the Walker Box after all and she wondered if he was here looking for her or just coming to sit there. "They're rehearsing Peter Pan," she said, turning her head a little more. "The chick who plays Tiger Lily is pretty hot if you want to wait." Not that she really expected him too and she turned her head back to the stage below and pressed herself back in her seat, taking a swig out of her whiskey bottle. Maddy felt like her heart was breaking. She hated that someone could make her feel that way.

Dodge hadn't made it out of the doorway when she started talking. Frustrated he pressed his head against the door frame, trying to ignore the deluge of emotions at the sound of her voice. He wanted to yell at her, shake her and then part of him wanted to just sit down on the ground and cry over what had been lost. After another few moments he came around, dropping in the chair next to her after picking up the drawings. "Didn't they already do Peter Pan?" he asked though it lack his casual and comfortable tone. He kept his eyes away from her, just flipping through the stack in his hands.

Maddy knew he would've picked up the drawings and looked through them. He always did when he had the chance. From his behvior and the sound of his voice, she realized that he hadn't come looking for her and she looked away from him. Dodge was just evil. He had to be for making her feel like this, all vulnerable and sappy and crying and girly. It messed up with the balance the two of them had forged. "Oh, that was a long time ago. Back when life was much less... life-y." Back when we were kids was what she wanted to say, irony considering the play. She felt old. She felt like she'd aged a decade instead of just five years.

"Oh." It was the best he could muster. Life had certainly changed in the past few months, starting with Patrick and ending here, where he didn't trust someone who he wanted love from. His eyes stayed on the drawings flipping past the actors, which he guessed she'd worked on today. At the bottom of the stack were his boys, the two outside he'd talked to before coming in which meant Maddy had noticed her tail. Finally he looked up at her, but it was just a sidelong glance.

She still wasn't looking at him, instead focusing on adjusting her right white opera glove, the fingertips stained dark with pencil as she sketched the actors who played John, Michael, and Wendy. Maddy could feel his eyes though, and couldn't help but wonder why he was looking at her. She was glad he had stayed. He could've just walked away. But he stayed. And it was because of that she hesitantly glanced over at him the same way before averting her eyes again and biting her lip as she scanned over the drawing in her lap. It was like one wrong move was going to send the box crashing to the floor of the theater or something.

He held her gaze for a moment then dropped it back to the drawing of the boys. "Were you planning on explaining the Kitten Club or lying about that one too." Not that she'd actually lied to him yet, but he had a feeling she'd been planning on lying about Little Angels if he hadn't found out.

Maddy sighed, long, loud, and heavy and let her sketchpad drop against her lap, not looking at him but at pad. "Well considering you still seemed pretty pissed off at me, I was going to wait, but I also noticed that you had some of your boys following me -- again -- and would tell you that all I'm doing is bussing tables. I'm not stripping and giving lap dances in the back room, so you don't have to worry about me being pawed at." She fell quiet after that little speech, a frown pulling on her mouth. "I don't do too good without you," she said. I dunno, maybe we just don't deal well being apart. He had said that. Never had there been truer words.

His hand on the drawing of the boys flinched and he crumpled the edge of it. It would have been one thing if she just explained herself, but no she had to throw his jealousy back in his face like that. Turning away from her he swallowed hard, Jessie's promise that if Maddy cared she wouldn't intentionally try to hurt him repeating over in his head. "You were still with me when you went there Mads."

"You were still with me when you went after Evelyn," she blurted out and her eyes widened. Maddy wouldn't look at him. She didn't just say that. Oh god, she had wanted to say it so badly, ever since she found out, and it was there, always there on the tip of her tongue. She had meant to say... something else. Something like how she already told him she wasn't in the right head place. How she was feeling lost and strange and annoyed. And instead she had said that. Oh god, she had said that.

"I hardly think that's the same...wait. How did you find out about Evie?" He'd not told Maddy her name. That much had been on purpose, not because it was Maddy but because it was Evelyn's secret that she was working at the Drake. How the hell had Maddy figured that one out?

"I met her the other day after I stopped at the Kitten," she said quietly. "I had to go shopping for a uniform and she was watching me for some reason and we got to talking and she asked who I was and if I knew you. I said I did and I asked her if she worked at the Drake because she sounded like she knew you, as in talked to you recently and stuff, and I know there was that girl at the Drake that you've been in--" Maddy's voice cracked a little and she cleared her throat with a swig of whiskey. "Whatever, you've been crushing on and I didn't think it could be a society girl because well, half of those society girls have mob connections and I didn't think you'd be stupid enough to be playing Roullette with some mobster girl so I figured 'well, maybe the Drake girl actually works at the Drake' and I asked her if she did and she said she did and then she helped me buy my clothes." Maddy licked her lips and looked at her sketchbook because she didn't want to look at Dodge. "She's pretty. I can see why you like her." Have you realized yet that she doesn't like you the way I do?

Dodge didn't even know where to start. He had that feeling like he wanted to shake her repeatedly again though. "She is pretty, but that's not the only reason I liked her." Liked. Even though he still had feelings for Evelyn it didn't seem to matter. She'd decided to go out with that other guy and hadn't even bothered to give him a chance to prove he was better for her.

Liked. Maddy looked at him, a soft but somewhat guarded expression. "I'm sorry it didn't work out with her," she said quietly. Because she was sorry. Not for him not ever getting that girl -- no, woman, Maddy reminded herself -- but that he'd gotten his heart broken.

Dodge shrugged, sort of a noncommittal motion a if it wasn't a big deal. In reality he was still pretty torn up about it, just ignoring it. Eventually she'd come around. What could this guy offer her that Dodge couldn't anyway? He was the Prince of Thieves.

She was quiet for awhile, watching the actors recite their lines with enthusiasm on the stage below as she tried to think what she should do. Maddy didn't really know what to do and she was a little bit buzzed so it made it a little more difficult to think things out. Finally, she stood up, tossing her sketchbook on the ground, the stained white opera gloves following before she went over to his chair. There was a large part of Maddy that figured he'd push her away, but for now, she cupped his face in her soft, cool hands and tipped his head back so he'd look at her. "I may do a lot of really stupid, mean things, but I am never going to leave you. The demons of hell would have to drag me away from you. I promised you that before and I'm promising you again. And I'm sorry." And then she kissed him gently; a short, soft peck before pulling back and looking down at him, blue eyes tired, scared that he'd push her away or that he'd leave.

He didn't move. Not for a long while. He didn't push her away or tug her closer because he couldn't figure out which one he wanted more. Closing his eyes he waited for revelation, something to come to him that wasn't evil laughter or Maddy's own comments echoing in his ears. When he did look at her again, he'd hardened some, but not because he felt that way, because it kept everything else in check. "What you said, you meant it to hurt didn't you? You wanted to hurt me." God, he hoped he was wrong.

Yes, I did. I wanted you to be jealous and I wanted you to pick me. Maddy shook her head, running her fingertips gently over his face. She'd been wrong in what she said and so, "No, I didn't mean it." There was no indication on her face or in her voice that she was lying to him, just that sad, broken look she wore the morning before when she talked with him outside of his apartment building. The one that meant she wanted to fix things between them. That she chose him. I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me. I guess I did but you still don't get it. God, it didn't matter. She just wanted Dodge back. She wanted things to get fixed.

It didn't matter if he truly believed her or not. She'd said what he wanted to hear and he was worn too thin to doubt it. Tugging at her arms he pulled her into his lap, settling her so her head rested on his shoulder. He wanted her back, as his, no one else's. He wanted her to love him, the way she did before without all those stupid expectations and everything else.

She didn't realize how tense she had been over the past few days until he pulled her down into his arms and she just went boneless, looping her own arms around him and cuddling against him. It was right. It was how things should be. Maddy kissed his jaw, at that point right behind his ear and sighed again.

Dodge rested his head against hers, twisting her hair around his fingers. Having her here felt better, but not right. He wasn't over what she said, even if she claimed she didn't mean it. "Just me?" he asked though his voice sounded somewhat distant.

"Just you what?" she asked quietly, not entirely sure what he meant. She turned her head slightly, nuzzling his neck gently and getting more comfortable. Physical contact was big between them. Always had been. Maybe always would be. Maybe would always be half of the problem between them.

Dodge chewed his lower lip for a moment thinking about what he had meant. "Just me for all of it. You said before it was just me in your bed, but what about everything else? I wanna know I'm the only one." He wanted to know she was his, that she didn't expect him to share. Yes, that's what he'd been asking.

Maddy lifted her head to look at him, taking the hand that wasn't playing with her hair in hers, making a point because she wasn't wearing her gloves. "Everything I said. My bed, the gloves. the first one I ever told my name to." She leaned her forehead against his, something he'd do but she decided to do instead, considering she was sitting in his lap. "I swear it."

First? Who else knew? "Everything else too?" He wanted to hear it, to see it in her eyes. Him and only him. She didn't need anyone else in the world and her world wouldn't function without him.

And yet I'm not for you. How much of you do I have? Why did it have to hurt so much? Why was she so fucking desperate about it. "Yes." Because that's all she could say, pulling her face away from his so he could see it in her face. Until he tosses you away again, a small voice in her head told her. Then where will you be? Alone, again.. "As long as you never leave me."

"Just don't give me a reason," he told her with a ghost of a smile. He smoothed his hand along her hairline and then pulled her close enough to kiss her forehead. Things felt better, not perfect, not even close, but a little better.

"Let's just agree not to leave each other," she suggested, face pinking with his kiss. Maddy blamed it on the whiskey she was drinking, the fact that was she was sitting in his lap without her gloves and just some little skirt and shirt. Ignoring the feelings she had for him. Back when things were easier. That's what they were trying to do, weren't they? Get back to how things were.

Dodge only nodded, not letting the words come out in the open. Instead he just pulled her close again, wrapping his arms around her, letting her snuggle in next to him. His. Not Roy's, not some creep. His. That's what mattered now, that he didn't have to share her.

Maddy let herself relax against him again, shifting around in his lap to find the most comfortable position. Had it been anyone else, she would've said 'I love you', but god, she was too worn out to turn that card over to him on top of everything else he had on her. "What did you want me to prove?" she whispered, so quiet that he wouldn't have heard her if her mouth hadn't been so close to his ear. "Whatever it is, tell me and I'll do it." Maddy was going to tack on 'within reason', but she was trusting him to know what she wouldn't do (like leaving Roy).

"That you didn't mean it, that you just said it because you were angry and not that you really felt that way, that you wanted to hurt me." Dodge's voice was soft as well, but stern. "And that you wouldn't change your mind, that when you say you're mine, you really are."

She lifted her head again so she could look at him. That look in his eyes, she hated it, how he looked so sad. And god what was worse is that she would do the same thing in his place. She really would be. Demanding loyalty and penance and everything in between. Because it was all a game. It was this annoying, complicated, evil little game that they would always play and she was still playing it and so was he. Maddy took his hat off, tossing it over on the table. There was nothing left for her, what with her deciding not to look for Jack anymore. There was nothing left except this. She reached up, tangling a hand in his hair, carding her fingers through the tangles for a moment before she ducked down and kissed him. Soft this time, but she didn't pull away like she did before. It's all she had left to give up.

He leaned into her hand in his hair, enjoying the attention. Enjoying it so much the kiss caught him off guard. The one from before was small, but this, this was something else. He was wasn't sure what to do at first, knowing that he'd just offered to kiss Jessie good the day before, but Maddy was here. Reaching up he tugged her in closer, letting the kiss deepen a little, just to see what she'd do.

Living the lives they did, you took what you could get. You took the oppurtunities that were presented and went with them. A chance to steal food. A chance for a warm place to sleep at night. A chance that maybe someday things would change, and everyone would get the happily ever after they always wanted. Maddy hadn't been lying when she told him she'd been lost and broken and lonely. Maybe if she wasn't, he wouldn't hurt her so much. So she took this chance. If it made him feel better and fixed their relationship, that was the prime outcome. If she felt better? That was even greater.

She made a soft, happy sounding squeek when he pulled her closer. One hand was still in his hair and she tugged gently on his hair, the other one playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck. "Only yours," she mumbled against his mouth when they parted for air and she kissed him again, deeper this time, soft and small against him.

He was surprised again, but pleased. A smile slipped out mid kiss, which sort of ruined the second kiss a little. He tightened his grip on her, bringing his hands up to tangle in her hair. He wondered what she wanted, where she intended to take this. The last time they'd kissed like this it had been a big game, a power play, but now it seemed like he was the one with the power. Dodge pulled away for just moment, watching her, and curious if she'd move back to kiss him again.

There was a mewl of protest when he pulled away and Maddy opened her eyes, face pink and flushed and confused. He was watching her and she shifted around in his lap. Her hand moved from his neck to tug gently on his collar, silently asking if he was still into this. That she didn't want to stop. "It's up to you," she said. Up to him as to what he wanted to do, but it was clear that she didn't want to stop.

Smiling, he cocked his head to the side a little, as if considering her. He pulled her back, not kissing her yet but bringing her mouth up to his. "I can't stay long," he whispered. He couldn't. As nice as this was, this attention, feeling like Maddy loved and adored him? He promised Jessie he'd walk her home and he wouldn't break that promise.

"So we use the time we have to our advantage?" she suggested. Boldly, she licked at his mouth, pulling back only a bit that he'd have to lean forward to kiss her. Her eyes were dark, half lidded, with a sweet, hesitant little smile. "I missed you." She did, but she made sure it sounded a little more helpless and she shifted around in his lap, this time so she was straddling him, giving her a little height advantage.

"Did you now?" he asked with a tease in his voice, dropping his hands from her hair to catch her about the waist. Once he had her he drug her in a little closer to him, letting his fingers splay across her lower back. "What did you miss?"

Maddy leaned forward like she was going to kiss him but then her mouth moved to his ear and nipped at his earlobe. "A little of this and a little of that. Dancing in the streets and making this city bend to our will." She pulled her head back, looking completely innocent as if she hadn't just done that.

Dodge chucked again. "Sounds like something you could do fine on your own. You don't need me for that." He wanted his ego stroked, but not with vague this and that. Using his hold on her, he pulled her close, tilting his head up to kiss her.

"Not as fun without you," she told him, because it wasn't. Not by a long shot. Maddy dropped a kiss on his nose, then on his mouth, lazy and sweet. Her hands pulled at his jacket, trying to take it off but his arms were around her. She made a frustrated little sound, her demands very clear that she wanted his jacket off.

He could take a hint, and releasing her briefly he slipped from his jacket, pushing it back behind him. Once he was free, he pulled her back into his arms, this time the tips of his fingers dipped under the edge of her shirt, grazing the bare skin just above her skirt. "Nothing's as fun without me," he told her with a cocky sort of grin. "There's got to be something you missed that you can't do without me though."

Maddy shivered happily. "Maybe," she said, returning his cocky grin with a sweet little smile of her own. "Who else is there to tell me that things will always be alright?" Her voice was soft and sincere, clear that Dodge telling her that everything was going to be okay in the end was what she truly missed, like how she'd do for him.

The shiver amused him. While just the overall nature of his person and his pickpocketing trade made him a physical person, it was never used in this context. Even with Maddy and the prominent physical aspect of their relationship, it was nothing like this. Dodge found himself in uncharted territory but refused to let it deter him. Letting his fingertips spread out until it his palm rested against her skin. "No one else," he whispered leaning up to her expectantly.

It wasn't like Maddy really had any idea what she was doing. She was going off of what her limbs were telling her to do. What she wanted. And being a very frustrated, fifteen year old girl making out with the guy she liked, Maddy liked the whole kissing thing. She liked the whole kissing Dodge thing. It was a lot better than the old guy with his hand up her skirt at seven years old kissing sort of thing. "Don't mind," she told him, tangling her hands in his hair and leaning down and kissing him again. God, it was so nice. There was no competition, over who'd win. Who was the best. It was just... this.

Dodge used the hand on her back to draw her in, kissing her deeper, holding her there. In his mind the game was still being played but it wasn't the same game. Now it was enjoying what was his, not proving who belonged to whom. He knew the outcome of that game because she was here. She'd picked him and was now proving how much she loved him.

Maddy was turning out to be an incredibly vocal kisser when she put her heart into it. Each shift, each touch, brought tiny, pleased sounds coming from someplace she wasn't sure where, but he seemed to like it. And he also seemed to like her hands in his hair. Tugging, stroking, sifting.

He didn't mind one bit of it. Instead he rather enjoyed all of it, seeing what brought what little moans, what contented sighs. Although at this rate they were bound to attract the attention of the players below if they hadn't already. Breaking for air after a moment he pulled back from her kisses. His hands stayed under her shirt but moved to her side, keeping her a little a bay. "Are you happy Maddy?"

The first thought that crossed her mind, ludicrous as it was, was that Dodge had found the time to talk to Roy, who told Dodge about her feeling suicidal. It was ridiculous though. More fuss would've been made, wouldn't it? "In this moment I am," she said, relatively honest. As long as she ignored the stupid voice in the back of her mind, she could be happy, but it was also kind of clear that she wasn't very happy in general, but those words were probably the most honest she was going to get about it. If he pried, maybe she'd tell him. Maddy just wasn't very sure how seriously he'd take her. He didn't always seem to take her concerns very seriously.

Dodge mulled over her answer for a moment, not missing what was left out of the comment. "Tell me what you need to make you happy outside of this moment." No, he wasn't entirely concerned with what was making her unhappy but rather what he could to be sure she stayed happy. Just because she belonged to him didn't mean he didn't want her to be happy.

There were so many things, some of which she knew Dodge wouldn't like to hear. She was quiet for a while, face flushed still from their activities, turned away and looking at some point between the chairs. "How much are you willing to give me?" she asked quietly, as if speaking too loud would make the question too terrible. As if he'd reject her.

"How much are you asking for?" Dodge hesitated in just saying outright he'd give her whatever she wanted. Part of him knew those days had changed, that some of what she was going to ask for he wouldn't be willing to provide.

The fact that he was asking that question was proof enough that he wouldn't give her everything. She couldn't give him everything of herself either. There was Jack. Jack who would turn up. Someday. "Did you like doing this?" she asked, reaching up and tracing his mouth with a finger, curious.

Dodge took the fingers she was using in his hand, kissing the tips of them before answering. "Of course I did." How could he not? She loved him, which was what he wanted and this had been her showing him. There was nothing in that to not like.

She nodded, leaning in a little closer. "You want to do it more often? Or do more things more often?" It was a dangerous line she was walking, a slippery bridge rail and on one side was stability, the other, unknown.

"If that would make you happy, then it could be arranged," he told her. Turning her hand in his he kissed the inside of her palm. He'd asked her what would make her happy and she was offering herself up to him. Just the way he wanted it to be.

"Does that mean it makes you happy too?" She wanted him to say it. Dodge had to be able to give her that much. That she made him happy.

"Yes, silly," he told her tickling her a little. "I wouldn't have said I liked it if it made me feel sick to my stomach." It was probably a different happy than she was feeling, but it was still some definition of happy.

Maddy squeaked, jerking in surprise and swatted at his hands with a little frown. "Then that would make me happy. And just one more thing?" Because if she was doing this sort of thing, she felt she had every right to at least make a demand. "I don't... I don't care about the flirting that you do. Just don't bring 'em 'round and stuff, alright?" Mine is what she was saying. But I'll share you because I'd rather not lose you. She had Roy, and while she wasn't flirting around with him, pining away, she knew that Roy was what drove Dodge crazy.

Dodge raised an eyebrow at her little demand, but after a moment nodded. He hadn't planned on bringing anyone around to meet Maddy. His intent was never to hurt her, and more than that he didn't want to share her with anyone. Pulling her close he kissed her again, a good kiss, but a little quick. "I've gotta head out."

Her eyes were shut when he pulled away, wondering why she felt like he was saying no. "I get off of work at three," she said, finally opening her eyes and climbing off of him, straightening her clothes as if they'd done nothing more than sit there. "Do you think I could get my bed back by then? I mean, as comfortable as chairs are and stuff..."

"I can work on that." Dodge lifted her up enough to get out from under her. He wouldn't decide to bring it back just yet, he'd see how his day went. And maybe he'd deliver it himself. Pulling his jacket from where it had been discarded on the chair, he shook it out before slipping into it. "I gotta go by the school today though first." Yesterday just walking Jessie home had turned into somewhat of an ordeal, so who knew how that might pan out today.

He had a knack for picking her good ear despite her never having told him, but he was smart enough to know by now which side he would have an easier time of catching her attention. The title made her feel better after his declaration of having to go to the school. She knew he went there once a week and she gave him a small smile, glancing at him. "Hope you make a pretty penny this week," she wished him luck, knowing that he'd have a collection of things to sell to desperate students. It's not that she went by there, really, but she knew Dodge's reasons for going.

Dodge kissed her cheek then straightened up. "Something like that," he said. He'd already done his weekly sale. In fact he'd still been there every day this week for Jessie. Tugging the fedora down low on his brow again he flashed her his Chesire Cat grin before heading out of the box.

"Something like that," she repeated when the door closed behind him. Why did it give her such a bad feeling?