what was and wasn't

Who: Evelyn and Becky
Where: Jesse's Apartment
When: Late Afternoon

Becky hadn't been at her place, so Evelyn had checked her mom's... and discovered that Becky wasn't there either. And so now she was checking her brother's, trying not to get out of control with the freaking out or anything, and ask him about that. She didn't know what was had happened, if anything had, or received any kind of news about that. But she just knew her brother, and that he would have done something, and was therefore the best person she had to ask. So she was knocking on the door, in a way that was kind of all kinds of impatient even if she was trying to keep to a cool level, and barely waited a second before knocking again.

Jesse had left a little while ago with a little list of houses to take a look at which left Becky in the apartment by herself cleaning up. It wasn't that the apartment was messy, but she was going through and dusting off the collection of ugly figurines that Jesse and JJ had been collecting. It was definitely lonely in the apartment and there was no radio to listen to, so it left Becky with her thoughts.

When the knocking started, Becky actually gave a little yelp and nearly dropped one of the figurines. The knocking wasn't pounding, but it was definitely urgent and she shakily set down the ceramic figure and clenched her fists. She was not trembling. That was ridiculous. Felix wasn't at the door knocking to get in. However Becky could not help the fact that maybe? She really was nervous. Slowly she headed over to the door, spying the baseball bat in the corner. "Who is it?" she called, hoping her voice wasn't shaking too much.

"It's Evelyn," she answered, frowning. "Becky?" That's who it sounded like. It wasn't Baby J, that was for sure. And she knew Jesse wasn't seeing anyone that she should expect some woman answering the door.

There were quite a few emotions that hit Becky at that moment. One was relief. At least Evie was safe. The second notable one was the rush of hurt that only now was Evie coming to look for her. Becky didn't like that feeling, not one bit, so when she unlocked the door and opened it, it was with a little smile on her face and she threw her arms around her best friend and hugged her.

Evelyn hugged back, as she wasn't really sure what to say. She felt guilty, about a lot of things, and that kinda made knowing what to say difficult. And worried, and relieved, and anxious. There were things she wanted to apologize for, only she wasn't sure what, as she wanted to apologize for opposite things at the same time: for telling Jesse, for not telling someone sooner, for the times she brought the subject up, for the times she didn't... it was all kinda confusing in her head, right now. But, really, there was something that came to her that had a higher priority than all that. "Hey," she finally got out, softly. "How are you?" Because that was important, even more so than figuring out her apologies.

Becky bit down on the hiss of pain when Evie hugged her back because her ribs still twinged some. "I'm okay," she said automatically and carefully pulled away. "Come on in. Let's not stand in the hall." It felt both weird and natural to be inviting her in to a place that wasn't hers.

Evelyn watched Becky for a moment before stepping inside, noting the stiff movement. "What happened?" she asked, taking off her jacket -- a light one, considering the nice weather.

Where do you want me to start? "What do you mean?" she asked as she locked the door behind Evie. It was kind of an open question that could mean all sorts of things.

Evelyn hadn't thought the question so open-ended. And when Becky answered with a question she eyed her friend for a moment, unsure if she was deflecting or avoiding. Which, if that was the case?, Evelyn was leaning more towards her friend's possible reluctance on discussing such an unpleasant issue than intentional evasiveness on Becky's part. "Just... what happened? I..." betrayed her friend's confidence? "...told Jesse about Kowalski. But I don't know what happened after that," she pressed a bit gently. She didn't know what did or didn't happen, other than the information she gave Jesse wasn't something he was going to just sit on; but she didn't know where Becky wanted to start, or how much detail or lack of she wanted to give, and Evelyn was wary of being too pushy on information and add even more stress to the situation.

"That was a couple of days ago now, E," Becky said a little tightly and walked past her friend and into the kitchen to refill her coffee. "That you told him, I mean." She hadn't meant to say that, but with Evie being all careful and gentle and saying that she told Jesse, she felt angry. She was trying hard not to be angry but she felt it. "And I've been worried sick about you. I went by the Drake the other day and your boss told me that you got a promotion. And then I tried to find you and you weren't at your place." She looked over at Evelyn a little warily. "I was really worried about you. I always worry about you."

"I wasn't sure what to do," Evelyn answered after a moment, softly, watching Becky. She felt... well, pretty sick with guilt right now. In general, she didn't like making people worry. It never set well with her. But even that habitual discomfort wasn't her main preoccupation right now. She should have done more as far as Becky was concerned, she could have done more... but in the end 'shoulda woulda coulda' was... well, nothing. There wasn't what she could have done, there was what she had or hadn't done. "I called, but kept missing you," which, now, just sounded a bit pathetic to Evelyn's ears. Because she could have always dropped by, in person, left a message at the front desk. But she hadn't.

Becky really wanted to yell. Tell Evelyn everything that she had done for her, what she had gone through, but Evelyn was going through her own stuff and when Evelyn had her own problems, she pulled away. Closed in. She'd known that for, what now? Sixteen years? "Well, Kowalski isn't a problem anymore. Jesse came and got me yesterday morning and I'm moving in." She glanced over at the cramped living room and Jessie's room that she was staying in (even though she tried to put up a fight about it, her ribs were happy). "Jesse's actually out checking out some of the housing listings we like and then Chirp's gonna pick the one, I guess."

No, Evelyn didn't know everything Becky had gone through. If she had? Even she would've known not to sit on the information. And, if she had, the news about Becky moving in with her brother wouldn't have come as such a '...huh?' moment. She blinked, obviously surprised, unsure what to say to that. "...moving in?" she repeated, checking that.

"Well, I don't have anywhere else to go and Jesse said I could stay. We talked about it this morning. I guess Jesse's been looking to move anyway? " She looked down at her coffee mug and leaned back against the counter. "He had to move my mom. Kowalski threatened stuff and it was just safer to move her." She knew she was avoiding saying a lot of stuff, but Becky wasn't proud of it. She wasn't proud of any of it and it had been really fucking scary. Evelyn was giving her that 'huh' look, and Becky knew she tended to be a lot more talkative than this but she just had no idea where to start. "I'm kind of still stuck in the 'huh' phase myself. It all happened so fast. You told Jim, he shows up. Poof. I'm here."

Jesse wasn't a magician, so likely things didn't happen so neat and tidy as being 'poofed' here. And Becky wasn't talkative, and Evelyn wasn't sure whether now was the time to press on for the details necessary to determine if there was anything to worry about. Well, anything more to worry about... like Kowalski coming back to find some way to ruin her friend or her family's lives? Would there be charges? She may not have known how bad the man really was, but she sure as hell knew he was manipulative bastard, and had the resources and likely the vindictive nature to try -- and probably succeed at -- something like that. But those weren't really concerns to dump on her best friend, who Evelyn could already tell was... well, she was going through a lot. A lot that she didn't seem too keen on talking about. So she didn't press on for the details, trying to get that worrying voice spouting its concerning possibilities to shove off for a minute. Which sort of left her on their topic of conversation, about Becky moving in with her brother, which was kind of an awkward thought to get her head around. In context, it made sense. And she understood it. And she didn't have any reason to be against it. ...But it didn't change the fact that the idea of a childhood friend and her brother and her niece all living together just took some... well, adjusting to.

"Yeah, Jesse's been looking to move," she answered, sounding a little bit distracted... like she was still a step behind catching up on the current situation, "I didn't realize he was looking at houses, though." ...of course, she knew he certainly had the money. She walked over and sat on the couch, and then glanced back at Becky, assessing. "How are you doing, right now?" Because Evelyn wasn't sure she really knew. She didn't have the full details, she got that Becky was avoiding around them. But, well, there were various emotions that could come into play on that. Evelyn had only known her friend was in what she would never have thought to be a healthy relationship (well, affair); she didn't know it had been an abusive one, however.

"I think because there's more room," Becky said quietly and looked at her mug. She kept doing that. It was so hard to look at Evelyn without bursting into tears or something and Becky was absolutely not going to cry because crying did absolutely nothing and she was working really hard on it. "I don't have anywhere else to go and I don't really have any money so I wasn't going to turn the offer down." Her ribs were yelling at her and she sat down at the table a little stiffly and kept working on the whole 'Strong Becky!' angle. "He's not going to be pressing charges. Gonna be out of commission for awhile, but I was still really freaked out so Jim moved my mom somewhere." Okay, so she said enough to imply that whatever Jesse had found out when he was at her apartment warranted Kowalski being put 'out of commission'. "I don't want to worry you," Becky confessed because she knew she was being confusing and evasive. "You already have enough to worry about."

Evelyn frowned. Because hearing that Kowalski was 'out of commission' and things got so serious as her mom needing to be moved were really kinda worrying. And she noticed how Becky moved, which was more worrying. And, really, she recognized that evasiveness kind of easily in a way she wasn't proud of... because she had done it often, and it was more a case of 'takes one to know one' going on right now. She felt hypocritical calling her friend on it, but for all of Evelyn's rigid expectations for herself she had never expected or wanted the same from those around her. "You didn't answer the question," she pointed out, carefully, watching Becky. Because Becky was one of her closest friends -- her best friend, that she had certainly known the longest -- and she wanted to know that. "How are you doing?" She could tell 'not well', but 'not well' really wasn't much of answer.

She was going to nod yes or indicate in some way that she was fine but Evelyn had that 'let's not piss anyone off voice' going on. That quiet and nervous one and instead she looked at her best friend with a somewhat hard look and pointed at her. "I'm not a rabid dog, E. I'm not going to snap and shriek or attack you if you speak normally. Please stop acting like I'm going to hit you if you do. I've already had to tell your brother that he doesn't have to walk on tiptoes around me either." Her voice was kind of hard. She wasn't quite angry, but she was definitely frustrated and annoyed with everything. Absolutely everything. "He was a sick fucker who frankly deserves to have someone shoot him between the eyes. He may have done a bunch of shit to me and was all around bad news, but I am not going to break. He didn't break me, and more importantly to me, he didn't get any farther with you so just... chill the fuck out."

That surprised her, and the words stung, but mostly they left an ice-cold feeling in her veins. Because honestly? Becky had never once talked of Kowalski like that. Previous conversations had left Evelyn with the feeling her friend viewed it as some 'mutually beneficial' relationship, despite her experience with the guy, before the subject was just dropped in conversations between them. It... was a lot to process, right now. And Evelyn wasn't quite there in having really processed everything yet, because there were too many disturbing sound bytes standing out right now. And, seeing as how her mind hadn't even gotten that far, it certainly hadn't moved on to the speaking and replying and figuring what to say part. So for a moment she couldn't really say anything, just sitting there on the couch with a momentarily stricken look on her face.

Becky had to bite down on her tongue to keep from saying 'I'm sorry'. Evelyn wasn't saying anything and Becky worked really hard to not feel bad. She just essentially dropped a bomb on her. She needed time to process and Becky stayed at her post in the kitchen with the coffee mug and let her best friend just have her processing moment. What was she going to tell her anyway? Maybe better would be what she'd omit.

After a moment, thinking things over, Evelyn spoke up. Voice serious, and a bit quiet, but not cautious. "What really happened... between you and Kowalski?"

She shrugged a shoulder and leaned back a little in the kitchen chair with a slow exhale. "He threatened me. S'how I ended up involved in... all of that. It was kind of that whole abusive relationship where if I left, he'd hurt everyone I cared about, knew I was giving my paychecks to my mom but he could follow through on it, unlike other people so I stayed."

Evelyn looked away from Becky after a moment, exhaling a breath and drawing her fingers through her hair. She didn't look okay at all -- how could she? Her mind was both blank and running a thousand thoughts per second... so many things were hitting her at once, but for a moment she couldn't pick out a specific one for the life of her save for a sickening weight in the pit of her stomach. She felt sick -- with the situation, with herself, with a lot of things right now. "I didn't know," she replied, voice incredibly quiet, gaze down on the coffee table. But she didn't really know if her not knowing made anything better; because right now she was feeling more like it only made things worse; like she really should have known. She wasn't quite up to looking her friend in the eye right now, but she forced herself to do so... and wished she knew what to say, but she didn't.

"How were you supposed to know he was a jackass?" Becky pointed out, somewhat tired. "I didn't tell you. I didn't want to tell you so I just played with whatever idea seemed to work." She knew Evelyn would try to make things better -- in the end, it did get better -- but it didn't mean she wanted her knowing what she was going through and maybe it also gave her some time to forget about it. And it's not like Becky could be mad with what Evelyn assumed because Becky didn't do anything to refute any opinion. It's not like she said 'I'm in this relationship for x and y reasons'. She'd said that she was involved with him and he'd gotten her a place. "So I can't be mad at you."

Even though part of her was. Part of Becky really was furious. Her best friend, someone she considered a sister for the majority of her life didn't think there was anything wrong whatsoever with her taking up with their boss after what he did. And Becky wanted to say that. Becky wanted to ask if it ever occurred to her that maybe she was in trouble. No. Evelyn just seemed to have assumed that Becky said yes to the offer and was whoring herself out for her job.

Evelyn found herself shifting uncomfortably. And her head was too busy trying to process that, trying to take everything in, getting through the realization of how incredibly off what she thought had been and how incredibly fucked up the situation really was to even try thinking about how frayed her composure was. Her fingers twisted and untwisted and twisted again at the hem of her skirt, leaving a section of it as crumpled as tissue paper. She didn't know what to do. She knew what not to do, to a certain extent: not to get up and walk out for a breather, not to say something to lighten the mood as if it somehow made things better, not to avoid, not to scream into a pillow, not to get lost in what she had done and hadn't done and how fucking stupid she had been when her friend was sitting there right now with the silence between them. Yes, she knew what not to do. It just wasn't any useful kind of help right now. "I don't know... what do, or say--" she started, trying to explain her sitting in silence, but then she changed tracks. "I'm sorry," she said, abruptly, and the tone had a heavy weight to it, suggesting it really wasn't her inarticulation she was apologizing for. She didn't think the apology really made anything better, but that hadn't been the point of it at all.

"I've got to find a new job," Becky said suddenly. It was so damn awkward and Becky was just going to sit there and stew and she didn't want to do that. She didn't want to yell at Evie because none of it was Evie's fault. She was the one who had kept quiet and let things go on the way they had and if she didn't change the subject, they were just going to sit there in silence. So Becky got up and wandered over to the couch and plopped down beside her and leaned her head back, looking at the ceiling. "And I really don't want to go work at the Kitten with mom. Any ideas?"

The subject change surprised her, but she went with it. "I could talk to Dutch," she offered after a moment, "He owns the garage I'll be working at." Although, really, Evelyn wasn't sure how that would work out. Dutch's mess of paperwork was daunting but it wasn't a two-person job. And there was the matter of the location, and also her friend to consider -- her and Becky were best friends but they weren't the same person with identical interests. A garage was actually a bit up Evelyn's alley, but she was aware she was kind of in the minority there. But Becky said she needed a job and Evelyn had to try. After everything that went down, and the glaring weight of everything she had to done, she definitely had to try. She couldn't in good conscience not try. Not at all.

Becky smiled and turned her head to look at Evelyn. "You're gonna work at a garage, huh?" she asked, a note of pride in her voice. "You're such a gear head." But Becky didn't mind. She was happy and proud that Evelyn found a place that she knew Evelyn had to love. "What're you going to be doing there?" She was glad that she'd gone with the subject change because she could only imagine what was going through her best friend's head and if she could get Evelyn to focus on something else? Then she could focus on something else and they could just worry about something else.

"Paperwork, initially. But I can also start working in the bays once things get settled." Although Evelyn didn't sound nearly as excited about that as she normally would have. Just because the conversation's subject had changed didn't mean her thoughts had gone along with it. That just wasn't happening right now. So while an opportunity like this was something Evelyn normally would have expounded on, possibly gushing about the possibilities and the details even when attempted to stay poised, she just couldn't summon up that enthusiasm right now. "What kind of job would you be interested in?" she asked instead. Even though the previous topic still weighed heavily on her mind, she couldn't bring the conversation back there -- she couldn't think of what to add to it? Press on Becky for the unpleasant details she wasn't willing to give? Apologize again? Sit in silence? But helping Becky get a job, one she would want, that was at least something Evelyn could put her mind to work on.

Becky wasn't ignoring things on her end either, but she didn't want to sit in an uncomfortable silence with nothing to say on either end. She wanted to stop thinking about what had been (even if it had only been a day ago) and just focus on moving forward. The healthiest thing to do? Probably not, but the subject change was needed. "Don't know," she said thoughtfully. "I guess I could look for another secretary job. I was good at it. The filing and the organizing. Setting up meetings. It was like I was running everything even though I wasn't the one in the meetings. And I was really good on that typewriter too." She sighed a little and looked at her hands. "It wasn't all bad. I really did like my job." Evelyn was excellent at the filing and the organizing too, but she also had the tinkering passion. The garage would be a place for her to get to do that. The paperwork was just an added bonus. "So I guess it's just a matter of scouring the classifieds, really."

Evelyn nodded at that, feeling off but trying to get past it and put her mind to work on something useful. "The classifieds, and asking around -- talk to some friends or just duck into shops," she suggested, "Sometimes there are more openings not advertised than in print." Evelyn was definitely going to do that anyway, but she left the option open for Becky to join in. She didn't know if her friend was in a place where going out and talking to their gang of friends or shop owners would do some good or not. On one hand it could get her mind off of things, focus on the positive, in a way that might help. Or dealing with people, like friends who would want to know how things had been going lately, might just be some unneeded stress. Evelyn didn't know, and she didn't want to assume either way, so she left that option open.

But her mind was already ticking away, systematically taking her own job hunting experiences -- recalling what had been hiring, good people to talk to, where all their friends were currently working or who their friends knew -- because it was at least one little peace of assistance she had some idea how to give. That off feeling wouldn't go away, and she knew it and a whole bunch of unpleasant heaviness was waiting on the other end of keeping herself busy, but it was just her main coping strategy. It wasn't perfect, but it helped a bit more often than not, and she was at a complete loss of what else she should do so she was sticking with it.

"I know. I haven't seen the others in awhile though." She'd definitely had gone towards the isolation route once the whole affair started and Becky wasn't entirely sure if the others had felt snubbed enough that they wouldn't help her out. "I hate asking for help." Kind of needless to say, but Becky felt like just reiterating it. She was the person who felt that when she got into her messes, it was up to her to get herself out of them, although this last mess had gotten so bad that Jesse had to come in and take care of it and Becky, while grateful, wasn't sure what that said about her. "Are you going to stick around this time?" she asked, voice quiet and unsure, even though she hadn't wanted to stay on that particular subject. She didn't know what she would do if Evelyn kept avoiding and Becky was sure that Evelyn was avoiding more than just her lately.

"I'll stay at mom and dad's for a bit," she answered, that being the first thing that came to mind. There was no doubt that she needed to be nearby -- with what had happened and was happening with Becky, and there being things to sort out at home in general, and stuff going on with Jesse, and her niece... yeah, Evelyn felt she needed to be nearby, and that she was needed nearby. Only she couldn't really be too nearby, because Jesse's apartment was small, and barely fit for two people... much less four. But her parents lived close, so she would stay there. Until... well, she didn't know. She didn't really know what she would immediately do after that, which bothered her a little. She wished she did. Initially, she hadn't been planning on moving in with Jesse. But now... she wasn't so certain. It was something she'd have to think on, see how things go, before she went telling anyone about any kind of plan.

"That's not what I really meant," Becky clarified gently, although she was unsure if Evelyn had understood what she'd been asking or was sidestepping the actual question. "This whole avoidance thing... are you still going to be doing it?"

The question startled Evelyn, and she considered it for another moment. A part of her felt like it was an unfair one, that she hadn't been the only one avoiding. That it hadn't just been her in the conversations tiptoeing around the elephant in the room. That for the times she didn't bring up the issue there were times that she had and hit a wall. Becky hadn't given her much to work with outside an impression that she knew what she was doing, that she had made a choice... and Evelyn had a core-rooted belief that she couldn't make others' decisions for them. But Evelyn also knew she had been avoiding, and felt focusing on otherwise was a defensive move on her part. "No," she answered, although she didn't really want to elaborate further on it. It was a yes or no question, what more was there to say?

Becky knew that there had been avoidance on her end, however the circumstances had been different, although Evelyn didn't know that. But Becky had been speaking of the recent avoidance. The 'I told my brother about what was going on and only now am I showing up' avoidance. Thinking that though made her feel angry again. Angry at Evelyn, angry at herself, angry at everything. "Good," she said. "'Cause I really miss you."

Evelyn took that in, feeling the words there. "I missed you too," she admitted, throughout everything at least able to feel that and admit to it. It had been stressful, and awkward, everything that had gone on. Not that things weren't awkward right now -- after all, the admission there was followed up by more awkward silence on her part -- but she'd take the awkwardness and being in the know now than she would previous ignorance. So Evelyn tried to focus on that, or at least she would here in front of Becky, and she shifted a bit on the couch. "There a newspaper around here?" she asked, thinking there would be if Jesse had been looking at houses. "We could check the classifieds."

"Yeah. I'll go get em." Suppressing a little groan, Becky got up from the couch and headed into the kitchen to grab the paper and refill the coffee. It wasn't much, but it was a start.