When a Tornado Meets a Volcano

Who: Dodge and Maddy
Where: A stoop
When: late morning

Dodge was, surprisingly enough, alone for now. He'd found one of his boys, a runner, and sent him off to find Mud and call off the search for Roach. The boy had looked at his eye through the entire conversation, so Dodge guessed that it wouldn't be long before the whole group knew he was sporting a new shiner.

For now though he was propped up on the railing of a wide stoop, back against where the railing met the wall, poking at his blossoming bruise while he thought. What Roach had said, it was important stuff. Stuff about scaring Maddy, about changing who he was if he wanted to stay in charge, and about making the ghosts go away. Part of him wished he hadn't admitted the part about seeing Patrick, but there was nothing he could do about that now. He'd even toyed with the idea of coming up with a new name, trying to remember what his might have been before, trying to remember his parents, though the harder he tried the more their faces took on shapes of people he knew.

Maddy had left JJ feeling a little better than she had before. She was trying not to think about the hurt and anger she felt, knowing that the time would come soon enough where she'd have to address those feelings. Her hair was still a bit of a mess, but she'd untangled it as much as she could with her fingers. Her face was still deathly pale, the purple bruises around her eyes from lack of sleep and the stress. She didn't want to do this. Not really. She didn't want to hurt someone she cared about, but it was just too much. She just couldn't. It didn't make it any easier though.

In one hand, she had an ice pack wrapped in a stolen rag. She was pretty sure that Ethan had probably tracked Dodge down and that Dodge would've definitely gotten acquainted with Ethan's fist. She just hoped it was accepted.

Dodge was still lost in his own thoughts when Maddy came into view. He'd pulled one leg up unbruised cheek resting against his knee while he played with different names. Erick, Adam, Jason, John. As much as he wanted one to fit, none did. Sighing he turned his attention to the street, watching the people walk past. Maddy wasn't hard to spot, but then it had always been like his eyes were just naturally drawn to her. The sight of her sent chills down his spine, and Roach's warnings flooded back. Normally, he would have whistled or yelled, something to catch her attention, today he just waited, chin propped on his knee watching her to see if she spotted him.

She did eventually spot Dodge, feeling someone watching her and her steps faltered as she came to a stop, looking at him. She exhaled slowly, looking at him. From the way he was sitting, she could see the unusual slump in his shoulders, the way he was watching her and it struck her, suddenly, how young he was. How young she was. How messed up everything had gotten.

Gathering up her courage, Maddy continued forward until she came to the bottom of the steps and held out the ice pack. Up close, she could see the bruising already starting around his eye and she couldn't lie. There was a satisfaction to it. She remembered all the tears she'd cried yesterday, how she felt. "Here," she said. "You look like you could use it." And how she was meant to know that already, well, she'd leave that up to Dodge.

Dodge watched her there for a long moment. She'd not come up the steps, which meant he'd still have to cross the last few feet between them. A frown slipped across his features, knowing what she was holding, which meant she knew what Roach would do to him once she told him what she'd told the larger boy. It hurt, that she'd let him just be ambushed like that, but that she had the ice? It meant she was looking for him, maybe to apologize. He doubted it, but despite his morning, that arrogant boy was still there and he could hold on to that being her reason for showing up. Slipping from his perch he moved down the stairs, sitting on one that kept him at just about eye level with her and taking the ice pack. It was cold against his skin and it stung to touch the bruised area, but he only winced a little. "Thanks."

The tenseness in her shoulders relaxed when he took the ice pack. She hadn't been as nervous as she thought she'd be when he came closer. Maybe because he seemed to know exactly what she was there for. Maddy wasn't sure. And it wasn't that she had a speech prepared. Sure, there was a lot of things she wanted to say. Had it been yesterday, she would've railed and screamed, but now, she was just tired. "I know about JJ," she said quietly, looking at him as she wrapped her skinny arms around herself. She didn't want to look at him, but she owed it. "And I know that you told her that you liked her. That you guys went out. That you'd walk her home. I didn't think you were doing those sort of things when... If I had known, I wouldn't have whored myself out like that." There was a slight shakiness to her voice and she had to force herself to keep looking at him. To tell him how she felt.

The retort was there, on the tip of his tongue. So close to being shot back at her that he had to bit down on it to keep from saying it. To saying nothing happened, even though, he supposed, something did happen. The last word hurt him to the core, the one thing he'd tried to keep her from doing, she felt like she'd done. For a moment he looked away, then he looked back again, wishing her arms weren't crossed like that so he could reach out and hold her hand, pull her close and swear he never meant to hurt her. "I didn't...it's not the same with you. It never was," he tried, knowing it wasn't going to make up for what happened, but that it was how he felt. "You're not a whore Maddy, don't look at it like that, please don't. Nothing happened with her, or nothing happened like with you." This time he did reach out, even if briefly, his fingers lightly grazing her elbow before he pulled away.

It was really hard in that moment not to just reach out and hug him, but she resisted, uncrossing her arms and shoving her hands in the pockets of her skirt. "Yeah. I'm different because I'm your toy," she said, sounding bitter with a scowl and looked away. "I'm your doll whose beds you can steal and you can put on a shelf and get rough with. I thought you were going to punch me yesterday, Dodge." She looked back at him, looking fierce. "I was so fucking scared to lose you and... You know, Roach, he's the reason I survived in the orphanage. He took care of me for so long. Making sure no one hurt me." She shook her head and gave a bitter laugh. "I pushed him away because I thought you might like me and I didn't want to complicate things for you guys. And then I become this desperate slut who doesn't want to lose a guy she never had to begin with." It was brutally honest and she blinked rapidly, feeling the sting of tears in her eyes but she refused to let them come. She wasn't gong to cry tears over him, not any more.

She resisted but Dodge didn't, setting the ice pack down and reaching out for her, hands settling on the backs of her elbows with a light touch, trying to coax her hands out of her pockets. "Maddy, please. Don't do that. Don't put words in my mouth, assume what I'm thinking when you don't know. I don't think of you as a toy, as something I could get rough with. And I'd never hit you. Never." He couldn't help but glance at the bruise on her arm, the one he'd put there, not even realizing at the time he'd hurt her. Looking back at her, he searched her eyes, noting that they were full of tears but she was holding back. "I didn't know about him, why you pushed him away. All I knew is that you told me he was getting grabby and you wanted some space. You aren't a slut, I swear on that. I'm just an idiot. And I hurt the one girl who actually liked me." He wanted to touch her cheek but he was worried she'd pull away and right now he couldn't handle that.

Maddy didn't pull away, but she grabbed his hand, the one with the messed up knuckles and held it up so she could see. "You punched the fucking wall, Dodge," she told him, that shake there in her voice still, but she was holding it back as hard as she could because she absolutely could not cry. "Right next to my head. You didn't see how furious you were. I've never seen you flip out like that." She hadn't and it had scared her and that was clear. "What happened with Roach wasn't your fault. I'm not saying that it was, I'm just saying that I gave up a bunch of stuff... I gave up myself for you and that was stupid of me, but I thought at least you respected me." She bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut, counting to ten. "I was so scared to lose you again that I started giving everything up. I stopped fighting and I can't recognize myself anymore. And I find out from some girl that you're walking her home in the afternoon while I walk home from the Kitten Club at three in the morning and I wonder if I'm even worth it. If I'm just easy and convenient and you know I'm always there if you need some itch scratched." Maddy bit her lip harder, drawing a bead of blood. "It's not fair. It's not fair to threaten to leave me if I piss you off. You say I'm not a toy but you treat me like one, Dodge and it's not fair."

Dodge was listening, truly listening, no matter how much her words hurt. There were things in there, things they'd never talked about even though they'd talked for hours. When he spotted the little drop of blood on her lip from her teeth he reached for her chin, gently pulling on it so she'd let go of her lip, and wiping the blood away with his thumb. "I know, I know. That day, I was scared and angry, really really angry, but not at you. At me, at Roach, at the world. At Corey for getting in the way, at the guys who hurt Pepper. I didn't mean to show you that, but I didn't know where else to go." It wasn't a good answer but it was how he'd felt, lost and searching for something to ground him. He pulled his hands away, rubbing his face, even if it hurt. "I know it's not fair. It wasn't fair to any of you. I just...I didn't see it connected. I never meant to hurt anyone, I just...didn't see how it would." Because he hadn't looked at the big picture, not in the slightest.

After a few long breaths he looked up at her again, noticing how pale she was, small she looked. Reaching out he pulled her towards him, wanting to desperately to hold her, to make it better and to make her forgive him. "I'm sorry Maddy. I really am," he whispered with no game or gimmick behind his voice.

She should've kept her distance. She shouldn't have touched his hand or let him touch her arms because she couldn't pull away now, not when he was saying things she wanted to hear. But she didn't give in, no matter how tempting it was because it had to stop. So Maddy resisted, turning her hands so she could grab onto his forearms and keep her distance, pushing back from him and his grasp.

"That doesn't mean it's right for you to throw a punch at me like that, even if you did hit the wall. That doesn't mean it's alright for you to grab me and leave bruises on my arm. It doesn't make me feel any less terrible about this, about how I let you treat me, because you treat me like an object. You have no right whatsoever to get angry about 'sharing' me. I am not an object. You may not have meant it. For all I know, you really did care about me, but everything you did said otherwise. I have no idea what I mean to you, what this all meant to you, and you saying it was different with me doesn't tell me anything." She took a deep breath, trying not to let that anger bubble up, but it was starting again, what with how he was trying to pull her close. Making her feel confused and unsure.

"I'm glad you came to me, I am. You're my friend and I care a lot about you, but I have no idea where I ever even stood with you and I can't live like that. I can't lead my life wondering if I'm still not good enough for you, if you need other girls to fill other spaces in your life. I can't be scared all the damn time that if I argue with you, or call you out on something, you'll leave me. I can't live like that. You have no right to treat me like that. The way you treat me is pretty damn fucked up. And you just keep saying you're sorry and saying that you were mad about other things, but that doesn't mean it's okay to do what you did, Dodge! You say that it was different with me, well, right now, that means you bruise me up and have me freaking out holding this threat over my head if I disagree with you or spend time with my friends!" Her voice rose a bit there, and she stopped looking upset and started looking more ticked off. He knew she was talking about Roy.

Dodge flinched when she pulled away, hating that she was pulling back in general. As she talked though he kept listening, silent through the whole monologue, eventually pulling his hands away from her, propping his elbows on his needs. When she was done, he wasn't sure what to say, what was there to say. Apologizing wasn't going to help, nor was telling her that he'd never meant to hurt her, even when he might have. "I did care about you. I do care about you," he finally said, feeling that it was important she knew that. He pulled the fedora from his head, running a hand through the mop of curls it covered, and letting it fall to the step next to him. "Maddy I don't know what to say. I know there's something I should say, but you told me there's nothing I really can say. I'm sorry, even though you don't think that's good enough. I do care about you, more than you know. And I wouldn't leave you. Even if I said I was going to I...couldn't. I don't know how."

"Then why did you say you would, huh?" she shot back, pushing him in frustration. "Do you know what you could say? Admit that you were treating me like crap. Admit that it's wrong. Prove to me that you're listening to what I'm saying, not just saying your sorry so we can move on and forget. I'm sick of it, Dodge. I'm sick of our game where we never talk and maybe that's why we're here. Maybe that's why you're out of control." She pushed him again, wanting to hit him but Ethan had already punched him. "The first thing you can do is know that you have no right to go off on Roy or be jealous of him. He's as good as a brother to me, Dodge. I care a helluva lot about him. Jumping him when he's sick? It's cowardly and despicable. Bad mouthing him around me when you know we're friends is even worse. He doesn't do that about you." Maddy shook her head, wiping her eyes and scowling It was a long time coming and she felt absolutely terrible that it had taken this long for her to call out Dodge on this. "He didn't put a lock on my door to keep you out. He put a lock on my door so what happened to Pepper didn't happen to me!. It had nothing to do with you! Do I go breaking into your apartment? No, I don't. What gives you the right to do the same to my place? Just because I live in an attic doesn't mean you can just come in." Part of her wanted him to fight back, frustrated that he was just sitting there and taking it.

"Maddy, what makes you think for a moment I'd let that happen to you?" he voice rose a little, but he didn't quite jump to her pushing and yelling. "I'm sorry about Roy, I'm sorry he and I don't get along. He doesn't like me, and I guess he's probably right in that, but he doesn't have to treat me like something he stepped in. He may not say it, but he's not any nicer to me. And I'm sorry he and I got in that fight, but you were missing and I was losing my head." That was what she did to him, clouded his vision, made everything complicated. Shaking his head he rubbed a hand over his face again. "And you're right, everything I did was wrong, I treated you horrible, but I didn't know it, not when I was doing it. I see it now."

"Oh, I don't know, the fact that you flipped your lid when you found my door locked?" It seemed pretty damn obvious to her. "And Roy hates the way you treat me. The way you go about pretending you own me and you own this city. He hates that you do that." She sighed and reached up to wipe at her lower lip because it still felt like it was bleeding. "I find it interesting how much you've changed in twenty-four hours," she said bitterly. "Did he really knock you in the face that hard or do you really see what you've been doing is wrong? What the hell were you thinking when you were going out with JJ and visiting me? Which one was the other woman? And mind you, I talked with her today. We had breakfast, so don't even think about lying to me. Tell me you know what you're doing is wrong." She scolwed down at him, hands on her hips as she pulled her defiance back. No one could tell her what to do. She wasn't vulnerable and sad and teary eyed anymore.

"So because I don't like that I'm locked out of your apartment you think I'm going to hurt you?" Dodge was frustrated, but not angry with her. "And really, we're talking just like you said we need to, I'm listening and looked like Roach says I need to and now you don't believe me either? You want me to ignore you? Pretend everything's alright?" Here he thought he was doing the right thing. He made an attempt to scowl but it hurt his face. The idea of her conversing with JJ made his stomach turn over a little. "Neither of you was the other woman, you were just...different. I can't explain it. It was one thing with her, something else with you. I didn't think I'd like her, I thought we'd just be friends. I don't know. It wasn't right, but I couldn't see it."

"That's not what I said," Maddy snapped. "You got mad because there was a lock on my door so you couldn't come waltzing in. I got it for my safety, which is a helluva lot more important than giving you access to my room any time you damn well please." She looked away with a shake of her head. She wasn't sure what she wanted from him. It just felt like what he was saying was weak. "You started hanging around with her before we made up," she said softly. "And from what I understand, you were already working your moves on her. You went on a date with her and then we fell into bed together. What you're saying doesn't make sense. I don't get it. I wouldn't do that to you. You can't have it all, Dodge. You can't have a different flavor every day. It isn't fair to JJ and it isn't fair to me." She exhaled heavily through her nose. "Although it's nice to see that the schoolgirl you flirted with get's declarations of attraction while I'm letting you grope me and get lectured for my behavior. Nice. Real nice."

"I just wish you'd come to me, I would have taken care of whatever you needed, you know that," Dodge reminded her. "It wasn't a date. I was teaching her how to play pool, that's all. And no, it wasn't fair. Maddy please," he said, reaching out for her again, though he was worried she was going to pull away. "Why do you think it's like that? You know it's not."

"I know," she said, a little more gentle but she batted his hand away. "But Roy and I were talking, he was there, you were busy. It's not a popularity contest." But the gentle tone faded away and she looked angry again. "Teaching her how to play pool and saying you liked her," she reminded him. "And then you came and spent the night with me. Why wasn't I good enough for you?"

He flinched when she batted his hand away, hating that. "I was busy trying to find out who hurt Pepper. It wasn't..." But it was. He hadn't been there had he? "You are good enough, but damnit Maddy how am I supposed to know where the game ends and begins? Do you even know?"

"I know you were looking for her hurt Pepper," she reminded him softly. "And I thought it stopped being a game that night." The night of the storm, that first night they were together. Where'd they'd gone as far as you could. Almost anyway. "But what's the difference? Is it because you thought it was a game that you were off with other girls?" Her voice cracked unwillingly and she scowled and looked away. No, her voice was not allowed to crack. Nope. Her arms came back around herself as if to hold it all in.

"Maddy," Dodge said, standing and reaching out and for her for real this time, even if she had her arms wrapped around her. "I was with another girl, not girls, because I was stupid. Because like you said I thought I could have it all. Maddy, if you don't want it to be a game, then let's not make it a game."

"You admit -- what?" Her brief moment of triumph at him admitting it was completely side-railed by what he said next and she forgot to move when he got up and reached for her. "What did you just say?"

When she didn't pull away he pulled her close, standing behind her with his arms around her front. "I said if you wanted to not make it a game, we could not make it a game."

Maddy was so stunned that she didn't resist as he wrapped her arms around her. "I--what? What are you talking about?" What did he just say?

Dodge shrugged without letting go of her. "I dunno," he said, resting his chin on her head. "You said the game ended, maybe we just admit it then?"

She felt buzzing in her ears, even her bad one. "Admit it?" she asked lightly, starting to catch on to what he was saying, but she needed to hear it.

"Admit that maybe we aren't just friends," Dodge said, for once not entirely sure how to actually word what they were going for.

Maddy pushed his arms away from her and stepped away to look at him, arms crossing back across her chest. "Friends with benefits, or are you talking more?" she asked tightly. "Because if you're saying we're together. That we've been together since that night, then think about what that means. I can tell you if you can't figure it out."

"I...no. I mean whatever you want it to be," Dodge tried, frowning as she pulled away. "Tell me what it means." He had a good guess, but he wanted to hear what she had to say about it.

"I am so close to marking that other cheek, Dodge," she positively growled at him. "You realize that you'd just be making what you were doing behind my back even worse, right? That you'd be cheating on me, which would make 'just teaching some girl pool' even more appalling. God!" She was so angry she actually raised her hand before forcing herself to put it back down. "You have bad fucking timing, Dodge. Real bad timing. Why couldn't you have said this when your hand was up my skirt, huh? Or are you just saying this so I'll stay and not tell you I'm fucking done with this?" Her fists were clenched at her sides and she was trying so, so hard to keep from just wringing his neck. How dare he!

"No Maddy, wait," Dodge started, really truly not following properly. "I thought, now, not before." He took a step back because he saw that hand come up and he'd already been hit once today. "Wait? You came here to tell me you were done with this?"

"What did you think I was here for, Dodge?" Her face got screwed up for a minute there as she felt upset again, that need to cry. "Haven't you been listening to me? I'm sick of feeling like some whore. I told you that. What did you think? I was going to crawl into your lap and make out with you? Roach punched your face in after I spent twenty minutes sobbing my eyes out to him under the bridge over you!" Her voice was getting shriller as she went on and she shoved him again in frustration.

Dodge took another step back, hitting the stairs behind him and falling back a little, sitting hard. "I thought maybe you just wanted to talk. I mean...you brought ice. I didn't think you were..." Damnit. He reached up to pull down his hat, only to realize he wasn't wearing it. Looking next to him he grabbed it, slamming it down on his head and not looking at her. "He's leaving you know. Moved his stuff out. And if you're..." They'd be together, he could feel it in his bones. She'd know he was homeless and take him in. Roach would take his place in the attic. Reaching up he rubbed his face again, covering his eyes because he wasn't sure how he was feeling, but he knew his eyes would betray him. "If you're going you should go. If you stay I'm going to keep trying to convince you not to leave...and I'm an asshole. I don't even deserve a chance to convince you otherwise. Just leave Maddy."

"We never talk," she said quietly. Ethan was leaving? He really was going to do that? Where was he going to go? Maddy was already planning on looking for him, but now that plan was going to be altered somewhat. "I don't want to, you know. I... I love you, you know? And I don't wanna hurt you but I can't do this anymore, Dodge. I can't take you treating me like that any more. And us being together... well, too little, too late," she murmured.

"So we can't start?" Dodge asked but he sounded bitter about it. She had to say that didn't she? That she loved him. What was worse, he wasn't sure he could admit it to her, because he had no idea. He wasn't the kind of guy who loved much, or not the kind of love that his whole heart got invested in. Shaking his head he grabbed the rag behind him, letting the ice dump out of it as he handed it off to her, spare hand still over his eyes. "Always too little too late. Just go Maddy."

Maddy took the rag back and tossed it over to the trashcan a little ways away. It wasn't hers anyway. "Still love the way you lie to me," she said softly and turned away. This was hard, but it was her turn to walk away and so she did, every step feeling heavier and heavier. She wanted to believe Dodge but she couldn't. Not anymore. She paused a few stoops away and started to look over her shoulder but she couldn't. She couldn't let herself do it. Not when she felt the tears rolling down her face. This was the end. Finally the end.

Dodge wished he knew what she meant by that because he hadn't lied to her since she'd shown up today. After a moment or two, once he was sure he wasn't going to turn into a complete mess right there in the street, he got up, moving back to the perch she'd found him in. If she'd looked back she would have found him right where she'd spotted him in the first place, on the railing, one knee pulled up to his chest with his cheek against it watching the street. Only this time he had his bruised cheek against his knee, ignoring that it hurt like hell. If he looked the other he would have had to watch her go. Roger, Daniel, Jeffery, Jasper. No, nothing fit.