won't leave your side

Who: Danny and Janey
Where: St. Mary's Hospital
When: late afternoon

Danny had slept on and off through the night, head either resting on Janey's bed or sitting up in the chair he'd pulled next to her. He'd dreamed as well, horrible nightmares that left him waking, gasping for air, but with no memory of what was suffocating him.

Every time he woke, nothing changed. Janey was still there, still sleeping peacefully as if nothing happened. Though there was a bruise blossoming on her face and arms. And sometimes her breathing was labored. And every time he woke up Danny found himself praying to a God he wasn't even sure still listened to him.

Although she appeared to be sleeping peacefully, Janey's subconscious was caught in a struggle, her mind fighting hard to get back to the surface. There were foggy, chaotic dreams flashing through her mind, while every once in a while she would feel herself start to emerge. She knew something had happened, but she couldn't seem to put the pieces of the images in her mind together to make sense of them. She could feel a presence beside her, too, and it made her feel safe.

Around mid-morning, though, something changed. It was a simple thing, a toss of her head on the pillow, and that was all, but one of the first movements she'd made in her sleep, and a sign that maybe she was closer to the surface. She'd turned her head so her face was turned towards Danny.

He'd been drifting again, but she moved, really moved and it shot Danny awake. "Janey? Baby?" he said breathlessly, reaching up to touch her face. "Wake up baby. Come on." He needed her to wake. He needed to feel life in her.

That was the first time she could hear his voice. She'd felt him there, but she'd been too far submerged to feel him, physically, or hear him. Hearing his voice, knowing without a doubt that he was there, wanting her to come back to him, was powerful. She tried to open her eyes, but they felt so heavy. Danny? She mumbled his name, or tried to, but it came out an incoherent noise.

The noise practically had him shaking her to wake her up. She had to be close. The doctors said this was all he could hope for, that she woke up. If she woke up, she'd be fine. "Come on, I'm right here," he repeated, taking her hand now and squeezing it. "Open your eyes baby."

She opened her eyes slowly, feeling drugged on sleep and as though she could easily slip away again right back into the dreams. But she didn't, and there was his face, just inches from hers, with an expression she couldn't quite read. She just stared at him blankly, fighting to keep her eyes open. "Hi," she said, faintly.

The sound of her voice ripped the breath from his lungs and Danny crumpled slightly, kissing her mouth. "Thank God," he whispered against her lips. "Thank God."

Janey didn't quite have the energy to return the kiss, but Danny more than made up for it. There was a sense of desperation in how he pressed his lips to hers, and she wasn't quite sure why. She felt heavy all over, with a dull ache low on her right side. She shifted a bit to ease Danny's weight away from that side of her body, but the pain remained.

Danny felt her shift and moved away, tenderness lost in his own insecurities. "Don't move. Just rest. The doc said that if you wake up then you're good," Danny tried to explain, voice gruffer than before. He settled back in the chair, giving Janey space but still holding on to her hand. "What happened? Do you remember?"

Janey gave her hand a light squeeze--she needed some way to show him how much it meant to her that he was there, and that was all she really had the strength for at the moment. "I don't know what happened. I don't remember much...I was walking to the soup kitchen and then..." Janey shrugged, unsure of what to say. "I don't know. I don't remember anything, really, after that."

"It's okay," he told her, reaching up to brush her hair off her face. "We'll get it sorted out. Don't worry about it." Nodding Danny tried to seem reassuring, but his mind was drifting to beating the life out of the fucker who'd just run down his wife in the street. "Do you need anything?"

Janey shook her head weakly, distracted. What she needed was to know what happened--it was terrifying not to. "What do you know?" she asked, searching out Danny's gaze.

Danny frowned, realizing what she was asking and not wanting to tell her. But she'd asked, and he'd sworn to himself that he'd do whatever she asked, especially now that she was hurt like this. "I don't know much. The officer at the scene, said the guy driving didn't see you. That's all." The terse tone was back in Danny's voice, anger coursing through his veins. He hoped the guy went to jail, even if just for a few nights before the District Attorney let him out.

"Oh," she replied, thinking. His mention of "the guy driving", even that minute detail, sparked a memory of sorts. Of a voice, gruff and apologetic and scared, trying to wake her up as she'd lain in the road. "Was he hurt?" she asked.

Janey never ceased to amaze her husband. Here she was, having been unconscious for too long for Danny's nerves and now she was actually asking about the guy who'd hit her. Worried that he might be hurt. "As far as I know he's fine," Danny said, knowing very little in general. The officers knew how he could get, they knew about his temper. They were smart enough to not let on any information at all about the man who'd hit Janey.

"He seemed really concerned. And apologetic," she recalled. There was something about the light not changing, too...or maybe she'd dreamed that. She'd keep quiet on it, for now.

"He'd better have been," Danny grumbled again, reconsidering keeping his vigil at Janey's bedside to see if he could get his hands on the man who'd tried to turn his wife into a vegetable. "We'll take care of him," he reassured her, though it hardly sounded like a good thing.

"It wasn't his fault," Janey said, trying to placate her husband. She knew his temper like the back of her own hand, and could only imagine what he wanted to do to the man who'd hit her--but whatever it was, she was certain he didn't deserve it.

"Janey, the man hit you with his car. Either he wasn't looking or he's a sadist. Either way it's still his fault. Was the light the right color when you walked?" Danny didn't sound like he needed an answer to that question. His wife was careful, more than he was. "Either way, he's at fault and he needs to be reminded of that."

"Well, I thought it was, but..." she trailed off. Everything was such a blur.
Then, out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of something on the windowsill. A plant, a balloon, and a few cards. "What's all that?"

"You were," Danny told her sternly enough that he didn't consider to be at fault at all. When she mentioned the gifts behind him. Some had arrived in one of his brief moments where he wasn't at Janey's side, either in the hall talking to her doctors or sneaking away for coffee to mix with his flask of whiskey. "Apparently news travels fast," he told her when he looked back at her.

"Who are they from?" she asked. She didn't have any good friends in town, really, no one whom she expected to receive anything from, not even little soaps or cards at holiday time. So who would've turned up now?

"I hadn't looked at them," Danny said, getting up now, although reluctantly letting go of his wife to investigate the gifts set on the table near her bed. Picking up the card he skimmed it first, coming to the name at the end with a small scowl on his face. Picking up the small box and crane he brought those and the card back to Janey. "It's from Zhen."

Janey took the card first and spent a moment admiring its beauty. She was a little surprised that Zhen had sent her anything; she knew she'd all but pushed the woman away after being unable to take her advice, and was surprised Zhen wasn't resentful of that. As she read it, she was awed to find she could hear the genuine care in the words. When she'd finished reading the card, Janey was filled with a sensation of warmth, as though she too was seated on the windowsill, drinking in the sunlight like the clover plant was.

Danny watched his wife smile, trying to hide the disgust he already felt towards Zhen. Figured she'd be the one who showed up with flowers and gifts. Just to make him look bad again he was sure. Nosy fucking bitch. "What's in the box?" he asked, though it was hardly gentle.

Janey took the box, smiling faintly, unaware of her husband's feelings towards Zhen and extremely touched by the woman's generosity. There was another beautiful crane fastened to the lid with ribbon, and Janey carefully took it off and placed it on the table beside her. Then she lifted the lid off of the box, and gasped. Lying against black velvet was a gorgeous, elegant cross pendant on a gold chain. Faith to the Faithful, Janey thought, recalling the card's message. But this was beyond just a little sign of faith. This was jewelry--expensive jewelry--from someone she barely knew. What a strange sentiment. She gazed at the cross, shifting the box this way and that to see how the light caught the brilliant gold.

Even from where he sat, Danny could see the gift. And he could see that it wasn't just any gift, but something nice, much nicer than he'd ever bought for Janey, ignoring the engagement ring on her finger. Without thinking about it he found himself scowling, hating that woman for the games she played, for doing something so nice for his wife, something he hadn't done. He didn't say anything, but he felt himself starting to fume about it.

Janey looked up to her husband, smiling even with her eyes. She certainly felt blessed by Zhen's presence in her life, even if she was a bit confused as to why the woman had taken such a deep interest in her. She just cared, a lot, it seemed, for everyone. Just like Janey did, she supposed, only the difference was, Janey didn't really deserve the attention of someone as selfless as Zhen. She felt her smile drooping and gave a quick toss of her head, without realizing it, as though she were trying to dispel the cloud of gloom threatening to creep in. "Isn't it beautiful?" she said, holding the box out to Danny. "I don't even know what I did to deserve it, but...wow."

Danny leaned over to look at the cross, noting again that it was nicer than anything he'd gotten her, ever. Her comment and frown though, pulled the scowl from his face a little. "How could you not deserve it. You've always deserved something like this. It's my fault for not getting you something like this."

"I just meant, well, I haven't done anything to deserve it from her," Janey said. She knew the look on his face. He was feeling guilty, and with no good reason. She pulled his face closer to hers, gently, and gave him a long, tender kiss. "You don't owe me anything," she told him. "You don't need to buy me nice things to prove how much you care."

Danny kissed her back, a kiss full of passion brought to life because he'd almost lost her. "You deserve the damn moon Janey," he whispered against her mouth before kissing her softly again. "And I should be the one out there trying to get it for you rather than waiting for you to ask for it."

Janey wasn't even sure what he meant by that. He was so relieved she'd made it that he probably would've done anything for her at that point, which she understood, but she also knew that she couldn't quite take him on his word. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'd do anything for you. I've always been that way," he told her, face softening a little and causing him to look younger. Reaching up he brushed her hair back a little. "I always waited for you to ask for something, you could have asked for the anything in the world and I would have gotten it for you, but you never asked. I shouldn't have waited for you to ask, I should have just done it anyway." Danny frowned a little and dropped his eyes from hers. He'd felt like that since the day he'd met her and now, years later, he still didn't act on it.

Janey felt tears prickling her eyes, which surprised her a bit. Danny wasn't generally very sentimental, and so, she rarely had a reason to feel emotional with him in that way. "You can't be expected to know what I want, when even I'm not sure sometimes," she said quietly, blinking quickly to clear the moisture from her eyes.

"I should be able to guess," he told her. "We've been married almost fifteen years Janey, why can't I tell without you having to tell me?" Danny dropped his eyes from hers. He really was a terrible husband wasn't he?

Janey was quiet, trying to formulate a response. Maybe he was right, a little bit. He was her husband, but sometimes it felt like he barely knew who she was. The intensity of the conversation had suddenly left her feeling drained, and she couldn't come up with anything to say. "I don't know, but..." she began, fumbling for words.

"I don't know either," Danny said, picking up where her words fumbled. "What if I try and be better about it? I used to be good at it." And he had, back when they were kids. When he'd spent all his time trying to keep her from leaving the high school version of himself for someone better. Someone who didn't have bruises from his father's beatings or scrapes on his knuckles from fighting the parking lot.

Janey felt a small smile emerge at his words. They had their problems, it was true, but he was trying so hard to fix things. Sometimes when it came to them he seemed young, naive in a way she'd never seen him act about anything else. He tried so hard to please her, was willing to do whatever he had to to make sure he could keep her happy. It was quite touching, really. "Maybe. It's a start, I suppose. I need to be more vocal about things to you, too," she admitted.

"That would definitely help though," he told her, shaking his head a little. "What else can I do? I can't...I can't go through losing you again. The other night, I thought you were going to tell me you were leaving, or you wanted me out." That had scared him, scared him hard.

"What?" Janey said, staring at him in disbelief. "Danny, how could I...why would I...don't you understand my life would be nothing without you?" she managed to say. It was true. She didn't have much going for her. A good heart, maybe, some people would say--but that wasn't enough to keep her around. Danny was. More than enough. More than she deserved.

"Mine would be a shambles without you," he told her, giving her hand a squeeze and pressing a kiss into her knuckles. What he was saying was true, he'd still be alive, but he'd barely be sober. He guessed he probably wouldn't make it longer than a few weeks before he lost his job and just died in that damn bottle without her.

"In shambles?" That seemed a bit of an exaggeration. "But you'd still have your job on the force, at least, and your friends there," she reminded him. Not that she'd be leaving him, ever, not if she could help it.

"You know full well I wouldn't last a moment if I didn't have you. I'd be even more fucked up than I am now." It was the truth, he was a mess. He'd realized that when Stella got murdered. Some days it felt like he was holding onto strings, making ends meet.

You know full well.... He said it like he truly believed she did, but Janey didn't really understand. Without her he would be a bachelor, and maybe that would be hard for him, at first. But he'd move on. He's strong and independent; he doesn't need me, she thought. "What do you mean 'even more fucked up'?" she asked, eying him with concern. If either of them got to claim that title, it certainly wasn't him.

"Come on Janey, you know I'm a mess," he told her. Zhen's words ran through his head again, 'you're a drunk' and 'a terrible husband'. "I'm gonna work on it though baby, I promise you." Danny leaned in close again, kissing her forehead gently. "I promise."

"We'll work on it together," Janey replied, nuzzling his face. "We both could use a little fixing, don't you think?" She tried to suppress a yawn but couldn't--she felt exhausted, nevermind the fact she'd been asleep for two days already.

"Of course we will," he told her sounding genuine about it. "You just need to get better." Danny spotted the yawn, giving her a smile and brushing her hair back. "Rest love, I'll be here when you wake up."

Janey leaned back on the pillows. Before she closed her eyes, she took Danny's hand and laced her fingers through his, hoping to ward off the dreams and to make sure he'd still be there when she woke up.